That's precisely what one can't do with a credit card, the merchant pays the fee, and the fee is completely flat. There is no way to make funds clear either quicker or slower with fiat payment cards, and certainly not with an adjustable fee
You haven't read the article
I didn't respond to text in the article
It's not my responsibility that the text (quoted from the article, presumably) reads the way I interpreted it
And it's still moronic, even if it's a different type of foolishness. An assessment which you appear to share (it's even more moronic than it appears at first, what shall I say now, "double moron alert"?)