Topic: Courses of Marital Conflict. (Read 177 times)

    Marriage is not a bed of roses, conflicts are there too and it takes some special qualities to be able to resolve these conflicts before it's escalation. First, there are numerous factors responsible for these conflicts. Mistrust being that either party feels much more insecure and is excessively suspicious of the others movements. This will result in continuous misunderstandings and disagreements. Another reason is third party interference, listening to other people's view.
   Here, a lot of people get it wrong. You said yes to a man buh you fail to allow him be your sole confidant. If you guys have an issue and he's not enough person to talk to resolve first, then you guys aren't just supposed to be. Know today that no one will want you to remain in whatever relationship you have with someone. You can't predict people, both families or not, you never know who has good intentions towards you. Avoid break outs and disagreements, communication is very much essential in every relationship. We can't exhaust the reasons for the conflicts but they can be managed from escalating into severe circumstances.

Op make I tell you one thing no man can ever satisfy a woman in this world. Make we no dey pretend for this matter like say we no know watin dey happen. Show me any woman that has ever come out publicly to say that I have been satisfied by my husband. You see that gender called female they always want to be the center of attraction all the time and they never for once considered the male gender. Men are always putting them on the line for women and men are always them ones dying at an early stage of their life simply because they want to make their family happy. If money solves marriage conflict then Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk would have been living with their wives. I think home videos are causing most problems in marriages today. Women wants to practicalize whatever they watched in home movies into their marriages, but they have forgotten that most of those movies are fiction. 

Op I go want make you add Sexual intercourse. Impotency in most cases caused divorce and not conflict because they have already known that they can't produce and perform to one party satisfaction but whereby one of the couples refused to have sex with the huge party then midnight conflict would broke out instant. And when dey break if it is the woman refused for it then there would no money for her to cook and if it is man then no cooking that day. there the number 4. is  Sexual intercourse.

This topic dey very important considering say majority of us here are either married or close to that age of marriage.so we gat reason this matter because many things depend on family, even the hustle self na got the family. This marriage wahala too na another major trend now o.

The points you raised here are valid but the cause pass this one. Ask yourself, were our parents so rich? Were they not drinking alcohol? How come the divorce rate was minimal then? What might change. We will see the real problem and a possible solution by the time we seek the answer to these questions.
I think it is the erosion of our value system that is one of the cause of this high divorce rate. We have sacrificed our culture, or norms and other things we treasured as a people for other things that are not part of our culture. For instance, the concept of gender equality is not our thing because in our culture,  a wife is supposed to be under the man and completely submissive to him. By divine design, the moment a woman stop being submissive, she becomes a rabel and that becomes the source of problems.  This rebellious attitude is the reason some men find comfort in the arms of other girls and women in the hands of other men.

Secondly, women have become increasingly insatiable and have developed unrealistic expectations thereby placing huge burden on the men.

Finally,  a lot of married people were never ready for marriage, they probably did it because age was not on their side or their friends are doing it or pressure from family. This might not make sense to many but that is the truth, a lot of people got married when they were not ready.

In conclusion, if we can imbibe total value reorientation,  drawing reference to where we are coming from as a people, I think we might begin to adjust and hopefully things might begin to get better for couples.

The first thing I would consider bridging oneness and the  conflicts in marriages is a caused of incompatible of both husband's and wife's. They are likely to forcing each other in the marriage maybe an act of desperacies, chasing after things that glitters (pleasures and treasures), uncivil to domestic adherences, lack of responsibilities, and then ignorance and self-centered.
These are the primary key points of spouse living a cat and the rat in the family.

I think say Op fit add understanding join the points because if we still look well we go see couples wey still understand each other in the midst of those three good points. Abi we never see where child no dey for marriage but the two people still dey happy and some dey adopt. Infertility no even dey be issue again where two people dey flow with each other.

Of course we don hear as we dey talk say money no dey cause trouble again or no suppose dey cause trouble again, every body need to hussle as the economy tie wrapper.

Even where understanding dey, alcohol no still be problem because the woman go give the man his way when she know say him don high.

That understanding dey important and I think say many homes dey break because of lack of understanding.

Op I strongly concur with your identify curses others opinion hear but some things are not known to some lenth outside the marriage many can be link to spiritual problem where the money is available, the man keep to time the man have no infidelity issue but still face challenges of marital conflict. One practical example as eye witness a man have all it takes even submit to wife but the wife divorce him to marry a prophetic pastor (1) major thing I see marital conflict become increasingly in our society is comparisons and lack proper choice as not paying attention to to details what marriage can offer and making one mind to hold onto it

@Zanab I don't think conflicts in marriage is always about the money o. I think this marriage money is now becoming a thing of the past since every lady is working very hard towards financial freedom and independence from the husband. I no talk say e no dey cause problem but mostly na when you turn your wife to a full housewife and would not battle for something like a trade that can bring that wealth of contentment and respect.

As for whether to show your hubby your wallet or not all depends on the individual as one and the your relationship with your husband as second. There are men or women that you never wished them to know your financial strength even as your life partners because they will look for the slightest of opportunities to chest on you. So you avoid that by hiding your financial status. But I get that believe say e no go be like that in all ramifications. Them get good supportive husbands wey go help you protect your wealth to the barest effort they can to make you and your family happy.

Why I feel it's good to share some of these details with people very close to you or at least give them hint is that when you come die, na so the money will go rotten in the wallet and in the case of fiat, in the bank accounts. Hence the need to get one trustworthy person to hint of your financial details.

OP, everything you mentioned here, are the causes of problem in marriage, but mainly infertility which you did not mention, be it from the man or woman, when a marriage is not yielding any fruit in term childbearing wether is from the man or woman, even though the partners may endure for sometime, a time shall come when peace may depart from such home because of the pressure coming from either partner family, another thing here is infidelity, this act puts marriage put a marriage to an end as the case may be, when your finds out to you are a cheat it becomes a problem, the lasting peace will be put to a state of coma, trust will be lost, we know it means when there us no trust in a marriage such union cannot stand, when you are not providing for your family as a man, this will pose a lot of threat to your marriage, if something is not done urgently.

Any marriage wey still dey fight for money matter that marriage na wrong marriage, why wife go insult husband because of money issue, big red flag, sometimes marriage issue no dey for only money and material things, marry who go respect you for house no marry who dey talk anyhow, normal money dey bring wahala for marriage but na when the man no dey work na when wahala go come, in a situation where the man is working and providing money no suppose be issue na.

lol, another red flag, why person go marry drunker, sometimes all this things na common reason wey person go consider before marriage no be when you don marry and complain come start, you suppose know wetin your partner dey do and decide if you want to marry or not

Na money dey bring many wahala wey u dey see in our marriage in d society today because, I don see many marriage wey break because d woman refuse to show d man her bank account personal details after wedding that lead d marriage into divorce. Alcohol and other things don't bring crisis to home like d wey money dey bring issues that will make d two partner begin to see each other as enemy, but it will b a good thing for man and woman to show themselves all their financial personal details if both partners want to live long in peace in d marriage.

I no go show my husband my crypto wallets address because, if issues come up that will lead to break up,the man go benefits for what am working for over some years, but if d man can show all his personal financial details I don't have issues of that and d marriage go last long.

Well I don't think there is any specific board in this our local board that speaks about post or post that are offtopic, maybe where to channel them or not..
.. as far as I know there is no place he can post this topic because since we've not achieved getting our subforum so any post is welcomed and after we have achieved subforum we can then channel those posts to where it belongs. If you check at the Meta section a topic was raised to support the creation of our subforum.

---

Back to op, he made a good points but what we must do as women is not to be totally dependant of our husbands or even too more focused about their activities what I does is that I give my husband his space and do my area because I believe we all have one problems and becoming husband and wife is a strong force that is coming together and this requires patient. Dating a man is very easy than getting married to man because during dating you guys lives in pretency and there maybe some hidden characters that might showcase alongside but when they are finally gotten married you started seeing some various lifestyle and attitudes from the both parties that can never be tolerated by each others whereby you would want to do how you feels it, while the husband would want to handle the case how he sees it.

About money, well I can say this is a major parts sweetened the marriage because when there is no money I don't think any woman would want to be happy or to live freely with the man because when there's need for the money and the money is no longer there you began to see some harbored issues were something that is not meant to stirred up fight will suddenly raised it up is because of no money at hands. Like my husband always do when there's no money he goes out there to source for additional work despite me contributing to the family he doesn't totally rely on me because he doesn't want to put the budden on me alone rather he would want me to keep my money while he goes to source for money.

General points is family is very complex to handle and for a family to move smoothly there must be an understanding between the both parties and will also be transparency even though the man is not opened that much I can say that is his nature and you must not go ahead disturbing him to do what he isn't wanting to do. So for men they always wants to be head and general overseers of the family for that we should always give them that respect and submit to them for peace of the home and family, we must learn to respect and lean on them for any reason or whatever cases that may arise.

This might be considered an off-topic thread but let me just give my opinion on this.

The number of Failed marriages is much in our country and almost an average Nigerian youth is a product of these failed marriages. although the things you pointed out is among its causes, I feel the main cause of a failed marriage comes from not making proper preparation before getting into marriage and the rest might be the lack of tolerance from the two parties as the marriage progress.

If we are truthful to ourselves, you will notice that most of our parents got married at a very young age and that what mostly led to the marriage is as a result of the pregnancy that came along the way and their parents had to insist that the boy must take responsibility of the child and before you know what's happening more children have started coming in and this leads them to become fully married couple. Because there was no single plan on ground regarding how to take care of the kids and how to sort out one or two challenges that might come along the way, once problem hits the marriage, it doesn't normally take time before the marriage crashes down.

Another major reason is that the unnecessary expectation and comparison coming from the angle of mostly the female gender is always too unrealistic and when the man is unable to meet up with this expectations, problem sets in and the end is an obvious divorce.

Almost earlier this year till now I just they reason why most marriage they break (divorce) I don they see plenty husband and wife quarrel almost every single day in deferent locations.

I con dey reason this thing for long now say waiting dey really bring about husband and wife wahala for family.
 
1. Money
2. Alcohol
3. Impotency

Money: you see this money na one of the thing way dey cause problems inside marriage because if money no dey na so so wahala for the marriage, wife go dey insult the man for house and all of us know say money dey play major role for marriage.

Alcohol: This na another big wahala way dey capable of breaking marriage, for example oga way don close from work instead of aga to go home oga go follow friends go bearpallor go drink to stupor now the guy man don high as in dey go house na to abuse madam and every other person way dey house this go make marriage secater.

Impotency: This one na the oga of them all this one feet make madam go make love with gate man because the husband man hood no they stand or in no feet perform work well.
This can cause marriage wahala.

Conclusion: you see all this facts way be say I outlined here like this na the things way me I feel say dey really cause wahala for marriage. So waiting una feel say they really cause problems for marriage?