Encase others run into a similar problem here what i did wrong;
1. Unsure if it was the main issue or not but i didn't have my testnet and regtest genesis's below nBits, so found correct hashes for genesis for both and then placed in 'chainparams.cpp'.
2. below is what actually solved my issue though dunno if is correct way to do;
In short; i mined the first genesis block without the node connected, then added its hash to checkpoints
Solution Below
the following bools;
fMiningRequiresPeers = true;
fMineBlocksOnDemand = false;
fMiningRequiresPeers = false;
fMineBlocksOnDemand = true;
for the 'main'
Then using just my home pc ( didn't connect to node ) i used setgenerate true -1.
it then began to mine the first block (took all night and mined it in the morning).
once i had this block i added its hash to the checkpoints as #1... (1, 0x000000004a54f33..)..
changed the bools mentioned above to their previous values (true, true, false).
and recompiled uploaded the new recompiled version to server,
ran the deamon on the server using the following config
(may be wrong stuff, just what i used first try and it seemed to work).
Server mycoin config;
daemon=1
listen=1
rpcallowip=127.0.0.1
connect=
rpcallowip=
rpcuser=blah
rpcpassword=yeahprobablynotthis
And for my home pc using;
daemon=1
externalip=
rpcconnect=
rpcallowip=
addnode=
rpcallowip=127.0.0.1
rpcuser=AnotherTest
rpcpassword=PasswordIsProbablyThis
On home PC i ran the QT wallet and it connected fine to node, and transmitted info of the first block etc.
There may be mistakes in that but it seems to be working as of now, i see hashes when i mine on both computers when they connect up. I Guess i just got to make sure it actually mines the next block.