Topic: I feel guilty. (Read 453 times)

I really appreciate it, if you really do to take him to the rehabilitation center, moreover, if you apologize beforehand.

as a whole, actually you didn't really do anything wrong or lead him to bad behavior.
IMO, it's actually a matter of attitude. if from the start your friend has a firm stand, he will not be tempted every time you are smoking. based on what you tell, chances are that your friend chose the wrong association other than being friends with you. he is tempted to try other things, which he finds interesting especially at a young age. which in the end, your friend should be responsible for himself.
well, there is a lesson for you to learn to no longer introduce something that can cause bad things in someone's life.

Do not think about setting your eye on him again; just go and take him to a rehabilitation center. Yes, you had made this mistake, but it doesn't mean you cannot fix the problem caused to him. Just stay strong, ask him to stay strong, and take him to a good rehabilitation center. I am sure that all artificial issues can be resolved. Good luck to you and your friend.

I have a younger bro that turned to a smoker overnight, I never believed it myself when I was getting the rumors from close friends not until I had to stumble on him one blessed day while in the very act. That day I felt disappointed not just in him but in myself that maybe I didn't play my role very well in advising him as an elder bro should to a junior. He fell into the wrong peers and was influenced not just into smoking but with hard drugs too.

I have because of him placed some sign posts and write ups around the house on dangers of smoking and hard drugs intake, in my quiet time I give a word of prayer for him and sometimes I talk with him about it and he promises to stop and days later gets back to it. But am somehow convinced someday he will on his own quit.
So OP I understand why the feeling of guilt within you, and I can give you as advise is don't force him to quit, go easy on him and don't fail to pray for him too.

It is natural  to feel guilty it shows that you're still human,

The errors we make growing up is part of who we are,  we shouldn't live in regrets because every bad or good story has got lessons to be learnt,

What is more important now is the way forward,  wallowing in regrets won't change anything,  just as you've decided to act on the positive by wanting to  rehabilitate your friend is a right move but don't just stop there,
 share your story of this incident , it will help save lives for those who have the intentions of sharing habits or informations that might affect  people's lives perhaps  forever ,

Everything happens for a reason  , it is what we make out of it that counts  ,

It was necessary for Judah Iscariot to betray Jesus Christ for the prophesy to be fulfilled  , if he hadn't done it,  the prophecy wouldn't had been fulfilled  , but him committing suicide wasn't part of it,  so it is what you make out of what you think is your errors that matters ,

In life just remember that it is necessary to make errors sometimes

My brother, you are not the cause of his predicament. God gave us all the power of choice, and I'm sure he's over 18, which means he knows right from wrong. Free your mind, bro!

Feeling guilty is normal as human being since you have a guilty conscience.you will be the one that won't allow your guilty conscience to weigh you down,cause you didn't force him"according to the story"
he chose the part himself.
If helping him will make you happy and comfortable,you can just do that if opportuned to see him again.

from your story, you are innocent. many of the people here say you are innocent.

 your guilt should not be left too late, because it will only disquiet yourself.

and even if you still feel guilty, then like you said, you're not going to introduce a behavior that will be addictive no matter how mature the person claims to be. I think this is enough to overcome your guilt.

I want to tell you in this narrow is that many people live their own lives the way they feel and there's people that have things around the environment can influence so I think it's too don't have to know each direction of life and they know the particular friends that it will follow so without that that particular student who doesn't know about another student that it will follow we end up by following people that will continue to influence him or her to another thing

It's not your fault. It's the same smoking. Some people still work smoothly and be happy. But he smokes excessively, has nothing to do every day, and doesn't make progress. This is caused by himself, and you can't blame it on you.

You are in the present state of being, feeling guilty of the past lifestyle that put someone into his present condition now, is not something to feel guilty of because you didn't force him to join you in smoking. He joined you of his own free will just to feel belonged and he got what he was looking for.

I find it funny how he opened his mouth to blame you for life messed up. Has he forgotten that he was the one that wanted to feel belonged by smoking with you?

You better have your mind at rest, if you can't because he is your friend, then take him to the rehabilitation center that's the only remedy to save him from his adversity.

One or way or the other, he was destined to become a smoker. Even though you never introduced him into it, some one might have already done it by now. His course of action should be blamed on him. At least you tried to stop him from over smoking but he refused. It’s okay if you feel guilty for that, it’s because you still have human feelings. If there’s anyway you can help him, it’ll be better for all. He was once your friend and you guys have spent great memories together, so you can help him. I hope he quits for good this time around.

Exactly, if OP weren't the first person to teach him to smoke, then out of curiosity and really wanting to do it, he will smoke in a different way, so OP is not at fault here. OP shouldn't care what drunks and addicts say because their minds aren't clear, and I believe they don't even know what they're talking about until they're sober. But it would be great if OP could take him to rehab and get his sanity back. It was a good thing to do since the two of them were once best friends.

It's not your fault, I guarantee he'll smoke without you, it's his choice, you didn't force him, don't feel guilty, get on with your life, don't let it affect you.

Everyone must be careful about whom they're teaching something, whether it's a hobby or addiction that you've used to have better just decline anyone that entices you to teach them with it if you want to avoid future problems that might end up blaming you for what they have become.
We don't want that to happen to us since there have been stories like this and not just on other people even, I had bad experiences with it. So to have no feeling of guilt with whatever is going to come, choose who you teach or better not.

Smoking is not the cause of this person problems at all. I was a smoker, a chain smoker I mean, big piles of butts left over the desk, lighting one with another... I took responsibility for it and decided that I was an addict, no excuses, I did not like smoking, it did not calm me, it did not help me, it was just and addiction. I decided to quit and I did. It has been around 20 years now. If I could, he could.

Your friend is just a grown baby looking for who to blame for I'll choices made. From what I garnered, he asked and got what he asked for. It's not like you guided him or something. For crying out loud! This is the 21st century where no one forces anyone to do anything.
 Last time I checked, the intake of nicotine is actually not bad, what causes the damage is a continued usage.

We will all be responsible for the kind of decision we make regardless of the outcome that may comes in after to be either good or bad, that's why we beed to be very careful in what decision we make, it is better to look before we leap because some steps taken were better not started because they may lead to an everlasting consequences we may ever regret of, also we must be careful in receiving advise from friends, beware they may gives you an advice even them cannot take.

You should not be guilty because it's not your fault. He end up in that situation because it is his choice. Well, it's a human nature to blame someone for the unfortunate things that happened in our lives because we can't accept that it is us who drive ourselves to where we are now. Because if you don't like to end up in such situation then why you didn't control yourself right? Even someone convince you to do this or do that, you will not follow it if you know it's not good for yourself.

You are giving yourself too much credit. Sure, you intruduced him to it but it's only tobacco. Problem is that your friend don't want to be an adult.

Tobacco doesn't make anyone drunkard or make them wear rags. It doesn't make you misbehave or act criminally, drop school or anything like that.
And the fact he told you it was your fault just shows that he doesn't want to take any responsibility for his own choices like an adult. Like he wouldn't have grown at all.

I am sad to say but if he thinks that nothing is his own fault, and he isn't n charge of his actions, he can't really even start to fight the alcoholism he has.

In this case, it is true that the OP cannot be blamed because the other friend is also old enough to be aware and responsible for his behavior, and should not blame others when failing.

But this is a lesson not only for the OP and for all of us that advising someone really should be considered, especially financial advice, because they are very risky. Before giving advice, we need them to confirm that they will take all responsibility for the outcome because when they succeed, we don't benefit from them either.

Yeah, you introduced him but it doesn't mean that you're the sole responsible for whatever he's experiencing right now. He's at his own fault and never controlled himself. It's like someone who introduced a friend to bitcoin and then the bear market has come and the current value of his investment went down, so that person who's at loss is looking for someone to blame. Don't feel guilty about but it's a good lesson that you'll not introduce anyone anymore to what you're doing.

You don’t have to blame yourself. It’s not that you forced him to learn to smoke. He still doesn’t face his mistakes and blames you. It’s because of your kindness that he feels guilty but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.

Everyone has to be responsible for his own behavior. He can't control his addiction to smoking. Lack of self-control is his own problem. Curiosity killed the cat. Smoking is not illegal. Being tired can relieve fatigue, but he is decadent and not working every day. self inflicted.

In my opinion, your friend just wants to blame everything on you. he doesn't want to feel guilty and ostracized by others just because he smokes and drinks. therefore, he blames you for everything. and automatically people will glance at you and blame you.

from your story, it was he who forced him to smoke, not you who forced him to smoke. if you force other people to smoke of course you are wrong and must be responsible. but this is not your fault. because, he himself wanted to smoke.

sometimes advising people who are drunk and smoked is a bit difficult. because their minds will only be directed to smoking and drinking.

but in my opinion, everyone can definitely change to be even better than before. while he is still given time and life.

I'm so sorry, but in my opinion, you are not at fault for your friend's actions, and you should not feel guilty about it because you didn't make him smoke, you tried to stop him from doing so the first time, but he persisted, and on the other hand, you didn't get him to start drinking alcohol. I believe that he should take responsibility for joining you in smoking, so in my opinion, you are not the one who destroyed his life or career.

Always remember, feeling guilty doesn't mean you are guilty. Need to look at and evaluate the facts.

In addition, maintaining personal guilt feelings for a long while is something that makes one more guilty than being guilty of whatever. If you are guilty, fix things as you can, and then let it go, before your guilt feelings become something to be guilty of. There is only so much that you can do.

Yes you may feels guilty for now because you're the one that got him into such behavioural attitude and lifestyle but i can tell you that even without you taking part in it your friend will still end up in thesame condition through someone else, why i said this is because I know of some people that are not self dependent in decision making, such easy got influenced amidst peers, they dont know what's good or bad for them or even create time for themselves to discover why things are in such a way, you advise him and he chose to accept.

In life, everyone has they ways of doing things. One man downfall can't be used to label another person success. Even though you didn't allowed him to smoke he would used or meant another person to smoke. Destiny is different. Everyone has their destiny in the way they want.

But in the court of law, since he started the journey of that bad life with you then you have played a part to it. You would have counselled him from beginning. From Marxians perspective, In the educational setting, it is good to spoiled someone but you have to be counselling the person everytime so he or she will not deviate from the societal norms.

Identifying your guiltiness is nice. Pray for your friend

When I was a child and I was in secondary primary School what are teachers dolls when they noticed that whoever that is sitting behind us is a noisemaker and it does not want the person to understand what the teacher is saying is by separation separating the student from another student, so since you have encounter all this I believe that what you would have done is that you have change a holster because there is nothing we make that your friend is both of you continue not to influence you on how to smoke

It is human to feel the way you do knowing that you turned out great and your friend not so much.
Obviously, you did it in moderation and not to the extent of letting to control your life such that when you decided to quit it, you had the power to.

Maybe your friend turned to it for coping. And would drown himself in the habit as a way to escape his reality. Not that you won't be able to help him unless he wants to be helped.

What you should do is to show what is possible and how much he his life will be better if he chooses to quit and then allow him to make the decision.,

That kind of feeling made you a good person and didn't put the blame on yourself because of how it turns out, you don't really know whether you are the only one who influenced him to smoke or later on he was introduced to some friends who are also heavy smokers. If you truly care for him, nag him to stop smoking in a friendly way where you will try some good method to convince him if simple reasoning doesn't work for him. Don't let it happen where the doctors will say to him he needs to stop or else he will gonna die because of complications caused by constant smoking.

As long has your roommate is an adult he/she is responsible for what ever action the decide to take. If it his/her own idea to start smoking with you then the blame should rather be on him or her and not you. Things make people chose a certain lifestyle and sometimes it could be out of frustration, depression or the concern of missing out on some fun. Every adult should be able to know what the want for themselves.

completely it's not your fault, it's just that your friend is regretting his actions but looking for someone else's outlet to blame.
and your friend became like that because of his own choice doesn't mean it's your fault. if indeed your friend is an adult he should act and behave quite well avoiding anything that can damage his own body.
you don't need to feel guilty, your friend is not your responsibility but he has a responsibility that he must accept himself.

He's just looking for someone to blame for his behaviour or vices. I am not saying it is your fault since it is his wrongdoing that put him in the situation where he is and you have nothing to do with it since it is his own action that led to that, like dropping out of school and being unemployed. Though you may have influenced him to become a smoker, but it is only the vices, not what happens in his life. I wouldn't be guilty if I were you, so I'll tell everyone on the bus that he is just lazy and want to sit around, smoke, and drink beer without taking care of his life. 

I feel for your friend based on the way you narrated the story, you shouldn't feel guilty about your friend's current situation because it wasn't your fault. That is why we shouldn't copy some addictive habit from people because we like them,this is because it is easy for them to stop but we the copy cat might get trapped in it and will not be able to come out from it.

When next you see him counsel him and tell him that there is still hope in life,use yourself as a case study,let him know that smoking is not good for him,tell him why you stopped,what helped you to stop. After all these let him know about bitcoin,explain to him how bitcoin has helped you then if he is interested,you can introduce him to this forum so that he can get busy with forum activities. Lastly always pray for him to change this bad habit that has ruined him.

Merry Xmas

It's not your fault, he has become a loser and he has no place to blame, and unfortunately, when you see him again. People who fail are more likely to blame others than to take the blame on themselves, no one is responsible for our lives but ourselves.

What his friend needs right now is to quit drinking, quit smoking, and get a good job outside than going to this forum and investing in bitcoin. With people like him, I fear that he will become addicted to gambling rather than becoming an investor. Don't rush to introduce him to the forum, with bitcoin, see if his actions change.

here you are not wrong, you introduce cigarettes to him without knowing the possibilities that will happen to him in the future, when we were teenagers we often tried to try naughty things and i personally never asked people to do the same thing as me ^{(cigarettes, gambling or sex)} because i know that everyone's mouth cannot be locked tightly, just see what happened to you, you feel guilty.  i advise you not to try to meet your that friend again.

Hey mate please you shouldn't ever feel guilty or regret for whatever happened and I only feel sorry for you for the embarrassment he might have caused you at the bus stop.
There is this African proverb that says "IF E NO GOOD FOR YOUR HEAD, QUIT" I guess he took that for granted and the unexpected happened. I'm happy you had restrictions and this should also serve as an example for people to learn from and don't let leer pressure have so much impact on them but rather do what is right even if it means standing out of the crowd.
I will advise that since you're feeling guilty for him and you now found him, you shouldn't let the incidence at the bus stop binder you from helping him,
You can pay for a possible rehab for him a d place him on treatment and when his back to normal, you can get him introduced to crypto and Bitcointalk forum, that should be the best favour for him from my opinion.

First of all I want to remind you guys about passive smoking, anyone who exhales the smoke from cigars affect the people around you even though they never had smoke in their life so avoid doing it in case if there is a situation.

About OP, you didn't actually made him to smoke to be honest because as per your statement he forced you to smoke with you and then he build wrong habits which destroyed his life so his own decision is the actual reason not yours.

You do not have to take responsibility for your room mate's action, except what you told us here was not what actually happened with both of you. You can not continue to feel guilty for another person's decision. It is unheard of. If he was old enough to badger you for smokes, he should also be brave enough to accept the consequences of his action. If am you I will stop trying yo talk him out of the habit whenever I run into him so he does not keep spreading false accusation against you. Just leave him alone to his fate.

There are some things one did out of ignorance while some were been intentional about their actions because they only want to wicked others, but i think in your own case it's not your fault, even though if you asked someone to put his hands in the fire, he will have to decided by himself to do so or not, but this wasn't much your fault because you never exercise force is influencing your friend but he had also decided to go by your wrong advise.

If your friend wanted to smoke with you, it means he already had the intentions of smoking and would have gone ahead to still try out smoking with another person but you. Don't overbeat yourself, If you had been the one to lure and convince him to join you in smoking, the guilt you carry would have been justifiable, but the case is different. You can still go ahead with your plan to try to help him, but don't base it on because you feel guilty that you are the cause for his situation.

I don't think I'd be guilty if I were in your shoes as everyone is responsible for every actions they take. What your friend is looking for is someone who he can blame for his misfortune and frankly it's not your fault. You can take a horse to the stream, but it's left for the horse to drink.

 I believe he's a victim of the choices he made and inasmuch as you felt you introduced him to the act, there's the possibility that he was a recovering addict who had no control over his desires.

Even though you directly taught him about cigarettes, you did nothing wrong and committed no guilt. At that time, both you and he are mature enough, it can be said to be old enough to take responsibility for your actions. It's sad what's happening to him, alcoholism and unemployment, but that's because he hasn't been able to overcome the temptations of life.
But after all, if you still see him as a friend and he needs help, and if possible, I support your thinking, you need to put him in rehab and rebuild his life.

In life everything is about choice. Your friend have every right not to smoke or drink because he's not a toddler, he knows what's good for him and what's not good for him.
You feeling guilty is normal, at least you have conscience to look for a way to correct your mistakes if I should say.
Is very bad to allow something that you suppose to control, control you as a person. If you can't withstand the urge is better to quit, so don't hit yourself that much it was meant to happen.

You are not responsible for the actions of others, and we are all subject to changing our behavior in different ways, depending on the extent of our experience in each period of our lives.

When you were a student, it means that your friend is mature, his behavior is conscious, and he did not regret the mistake he made when he accepted your invitation until after a long time had passed, and you yourself did not feel guilty until after you met him after a long time. In addition, he himself may have caused the same thing to other people.

I know it's bad to show people how to do smoke/drugs/alcohol, but eventually it's their own choice and not yours. I also think tempting others to have outside of marriage sex is equally wrong.
Maybe try and advise people to do the good instead of the bad, telling people to do and be good has no negative consequence, contrary to telling them or teaching them to do the bad and unholy. Make sure not to make the same or similar mistake, no one can force us how to live and what to do, he chose that path all by himself, your action might have pushed him to go on that path sooner rather later, no matter what this is his own doing.
God will forgive you, don't beat yourself up and move on with your life, if you could help him to get out of that life, much better, but if he refused the help, then you have no responsibility.

When it comes to the incident you described, you shouldn't feel bad because you aren't the main reason for his problems. He wanted to fit in, and you gave him that opportunity even though you didn't want him to. It was a school situation, and after school you withdrew, leaving him to carry on, which led to his wayward life. Don't blame yourself; it's not your fault. The lesson I took away from this is to never be the cause of someone starting to smoke, drink, or become addicted to sex because they will point the finger at you when they ask.

At OP.

Sounds like the roommate's original problem wasn't smoking. Sounds like he was too much of a psychotic introvert or something. After all, he could smoke on his own any time he wanted. But he was too chicken to be alone. He could have gone out and made other friends to smoke with, but he was too chicken to make other friends.

Your problem was that you didn't recognize his problem. Your second problem was that you didn't recognize that you didn't force him to do anything... or did you jump him, and force a lit cigarette into his mouth and make him breathe by pushing on his chest.

Your third problem is that you admitted to something on the bus. There are other ways to avoid questions than by outright admitting to them.

Now, don't tell us you graduated with flying colors as a psychologist.

You aren't responsible for the actions of another person.  You had a pastime that your roommate wanted to take part in with you and they ended up going a little overboard with it.  It's not like you're the only person in the world who would have shown them that smoking is a thing.  It's ok to feel bad and adjust your behavior to avoid doing things that may make you feel bad in the future, like introducing people to harmful habits.  However, people are their own beings and it isn't up to you to decide how a person lives their life.  I'm sorry this situation went bad for your roommate, but other than offer your help to get them on the right track, there isn't much you can do.

I’m kinda loss on the introduction. Your friend badgering you to smoke with because he saw you smoking while he is still not smoking at that time right? The intro seems like he is the one teaching you how to smoke though.

Don’t feel guilty because he has responsibility for himself on handling smoke. He is the one become curious on experimenting smoke when he see you that means he can still do this even to other people that doing smoke because he has urge to explore smoking. He will turn on that state eventually even if you didn’t smoke with back then.

The person itself don’t blame you so you should do the same. I have a father who’s a heavy smoker too but me and my brother doesn’t turn to become a smoker even though we try it before when we are a kid.

While I was a student, my roommate each time he saw me smoking was always disturbing me that he wanted to smoke with me. At first, I rejected his plea but when he persisted we started smoking together. His urge for smoking within a few months grew more than mine. He began to come home with packs of cigarettes and some bottles of beer. I don't drink alcohol but I was sure that it was the introduction to smoking that also attracted him to alcohol.

Recently I met him in a motor park,  he is now a chained smoker and drunkard. He was practically wearing rags and misbehaving. I called him and we started talking, I discovered that he dropped out of school and was now unemployed. When I tried to advise him to quit this destructive character, he began to shout telling everyone that cared to hear that I was the one that introduced him to smoking. He told them that I was responsible for his problems. People on my bus began to ask me if it was true and I shamefully told them; yes!

I have quit smoking a long time ago because of its health consequences. But since I met him, I have felt guilty that I am responsible for my friend's downfall.

I have decided never to introduce anybody to any behavior that can be addictive no matter how mature the person might claim to be. Introducing people to smoking, drinking, sex, gambling or other counterproductive activities might be funny or interesting but it could be destructive. I am considering apologizing to him and taking him to a rehabilitation center if I ever set my eyes on him again.