Topic: It's over 4 months and you no wan leave? (Read 322 times)

There are many ways to kill a rat without braking a clay put or struggle much, you shown them there is too much money with you and the responsibility is what you can cartel that is what is keeping them if you ceased in providing all the daily needs through gradual dropping of your expenses the will begin to have a second thought of leaving, you may even stay away from the house some hours mostly if you have been spending all time at home where they see you because your hope will be there motivation as you can't do with mist if the thing that sustain the family if your around if all this step can't help you just call them and let them know your stand even if it required to give them something to take and sustain for few week as they may leave.

Bro I understand how you feel even if I am in your shoes I will seek for remedy and a better approach so that she won't feel like am embarrassing her or something but one thing you should know someone who has shame or someone who is hardworking and responsible no go stay for another person house still fold hands they consume food for this kind hard economy, the person no get conscience so sorry to say. Since she's your cousin I believe before now you should have known her kind of person cause that is what is going to determined the way you will approach her. I am very sure you understand what I mean.

But you get to do something o, because you no go dey feel shy dey chop shit for mouth. So you need to carry yourself for mind first and approach her with respect and also with tact.
You go tell her say na because of the economic condition of things now, na why you wan tell her say she need to find a new place to stay. But make sure you still dey make her know say you dey appreciate her for visiting. Try to use your sweet mouth o, so that she no go think say you dey insult her. You go tell her say, "Aunty, no be say I no like you and your daughter or say I no wan see una again. But the truth be say as the cost of things don increase, my pocket no fit take this stress again. Na why I need to ask you politely to dey look for somewhere else to go and stay
You go also tell her say if she need any help, say u go still try to dey help am and say you go dey there for her. And no forget to say "Thank you" well well o, if not the matter no go be here o.

It is nice you're so generous though, but I honestly think her staying at your place is intentional, due to whatever reasons she has. The thing is if you're not comfortable, then you should tell her straight forward that it's becoming difficult to fend for whatever amount of people live in the house. She may be angry, but you gats let her know that you mean no offense or anything. Even if she gets angry, you know you've done nothing wrong, you just did what was B's for you and your own family. So, there won't be any reason for you to feel guilty.

Were you informed initially of her desire to stay at your place for a period of time before they came over?, if no, then I put it to you that you're the cause of the problem you're  facing. You shouldn't even have allowed them stay  past two weeks before confronting her on the reason for the over stay and the possible  duration of further stay.

You're a man and as such you need to plan both your present and your future and not let families or friends hinder you. I personally confronted my cousin years ago on the third night of saying over at my house when both of us were students, he couldn't reply and I gave him 24 hours to properly inform me on his pattern of stay since he was not contributing to feeding and other house expenses, the guy just left the next day. That explained to me that he was just taking advantage of me unnecessarily. Its not out of place to peacefully and respectfully inform her of your inability to keep up with providing for them, that they have to leave so you can properly live your life.

People are opportunistic, be it family, friends, even strangers and if you don't draw the line on time, it tends to affect you much later, just as its telling on the finances of OP right now.

This is supposed to be your private matter which the op knows but since he has brought it here it means he has tried to do it within his power but can't handle it in a better way, first of all, I believe yiu make them feel very comfortable that's why they want to stay longer than expected if not they ought to have left few days after the wedding since they aren't staying with you nor have more events to attend after the one that brought them to your house. Here are few smart ways to kindly ask them to leave.

1) Pretend to be broke for days let food be lacking in the house.
2) If you have always running generator pause let the house be uncomfortable for all of you for at least one week then watch their next step.
3) Fake an emergency travel, beg them for transportation fee let them be convinced that you won't be coming back for atleast one month once they consider that no one will be feeding them they won't have no options than to go.
4) If you try all this and they refuse to go, you have no other thing than to start planning for another apartment to move into because if they leave with anger, your fiancee will be the topic of the year because they will make everyone in your family believe that you asked them to leave because of a woman whom you want to get married to, I hope this can help you in any little way.

Well this is really alarming and needs to be addressed very well I like as we carry am come this platform but it is actually funny how someone will from his church mind to to spend some day with person and it will end up being 4 months or even more Omo it is alarming And needs to be addressed and most of these person thinks that they are entitled to what they are going forgetting that you have a privacy to enjoy in your home....

I think it is very nice and necessary we address it here also all of this extended family members even our to some of our immediate family members that will come just to spend some days from there they have stayed for over 4 months my dear it is not funny again it needs to be addressed just like we are doing here....

Omo with all this experience I dey feel say you na baba to pursue visitors wey don outstay their welcome oo😁😁. But watin you talk dey on point well because it's annoying to be wanting people to know that their time has reached but yet they know and still decides to push you to the edge knowing fully well that you won't do that because of your considerate nature.

It is not bad we discuss am here. Lolz  🤣 opportunity comes but once. Even you pursue them know at least they have spent the climax time when the prices were on the roof with you. Op this na very simple matter and all what u need to do be say in the morning devotion, when everyone gathered in the morning you go just politely asked them when dem dey go back. And once dem tell you di date then what you ah e to do is to look for their transport fair. For like two days for them to leave gibe them di transport fair money and see what will happen in the di day.

Those are some of the method to pursue a visitor who refused to go back to their houses after the event ceremony. As for me dat na di method I normally use to let them go.

Don't you think calling for a meeting may be too obvious no matter the good intentions one may think they harbour before calling such meeting.
The Aunty may not see it same way and may become emotional as well as the daughter and react in an unexpected manner.

The best approach should be to simply take the Aunty on an outing and when she is comfortable and happy, discuss the situation with her, but it must be to first know what bothers her or the situation she is not comfortable with at home. When she has opened up, she would have a clue and be out of the house with of course any special arrangements she would be expecting from you, having stayed for months already.

Omo this seem like the answer you are looking for. Although some response too don give insight like this.

Me I been want ask if the apartment na your own wey you and your fiancée dey stay abi na your family house but then you dey contribute to their upkeep for the family but the point be say house na house and them don over stay, 4 months no be 4 days and dem just stay put after wedding no be say una plan am to be like that and them too no open mouth talk as e be despite the economic challenges wey dey bite everybody now.

So talk to them, dem no be small pikin and dem gat to understand while you fit just support dem from time to time so that you and your woman fit breath too.

If person want go person place wey dem go stay over you suppose even tell the person, feeding these days no easy, no be to go sit for house on top person bill. One week even don dey enough if you want stay over with person and it must be discussed and agreed upon before such journey.

You never tell us which method you use chase your aunty out, for all the methods we don give you. You for make am more fun by telling us about how you where able to handle the situation for people know. After which you fit lock the thread 😂

The best way for dealing with things like this is to call for a meeting and make sure everyone concerned is present. During the meeting, ensure you voice out your concerns, your fiancee, Aunty should participate actively as well. According to history, conversation is one of the best way to resolve things. Your Aunty might have something bothering or restricting her but is unable to tell you. And you also, if you keep it in, there's only so much you'd be able to do as issues like this will continually weigh you down. Don't keep in in.

I have been in a similar situation before and kept it in. I constantly felt bad and it drained. Woke up one day and said enough is enough. I said what had to be say and it was relieving afterwards.

Stand up and speak up as the man that you are and stop allowing or enduring  things you don't feel comfortable with. From the onset that was where the mistake started, you couldn't have allowed anyone lived with you as you are just newly married you were supposed to live alone with your spouse for both of you to enjoy your company and privacy as new couples who are blending for the better. A third party living within is just a distraction how much more two third parties.

Open up to them and tell them your mind, they are aware of the reality of today's economy and if they have your best interest in mind they will happily leave lifting the burden on you and your wife. May if you get small tin you fit the send them ones ones.

OP, I know this very difficult handle right now but even though you wait for ages they might not still leave your house so me what you are hiding from will continue hitting so take the bull by it's horn, considering how things are this period, there is serious bad economic impact to the citizens of this country, I think coming from this angle to explain to her how things is now wouldn't be bad idea, open up to her, if she can give it a thought she might leave without hesitation, this why I prefer people calling me before visiting because most time leaving becomes a problem, but in this case you can handle it, don't think much about how she will feel, just tell her that you are no more comfortable and give her reasons why the should leave. 

It is not easy to handle cases like this because if you call her and let her know that you are no longer comfortable with her to stay in your house , she will feel that you are chasing her out of your house and it will cause enemity between you both. If I were u will look for an elder in the family that is close to her and summit this issue to the person, so that the person can talk to her in a better way that she won't pick offence. Because you telling her directly she will feel embarrass and understand it in a different way.

   The economy now no funny for anybody but everything sha na sense we go use , for me ,just quietly arrange with your fiance make una travel for long time see whether dem no go commot for the house ,and e b like say you dey give her good comfort, reduce the wey you dey take care of them ,tell your fiance make una dey manage things for the house and everything, except she wan collect the house if na rented house ,leave the house go rent another one wen the house don expire but if na you build am start to do prayer and fasting oooo

The way I see this your post he be like say you don see shege with this kind time wey things no Dey normal, to be honest me I no fit give you advice say make you chase your people away because family matter na strong thing, but waiting i fit advise say make you do be say you should call her and ask her first, ask her that what happened to her or any problem because you are seeing that she has stay too long now without no saying anything about living soon, did anything happen to them in their place, or they get one kind issue wey just stop them from going back, just use one kind way wey be say you go follow her talk and she no go reason am say you Dey chase her commot from your house.

The reason why I said make you use your sense talk am be say, you fit talk am now wey be say she will go vex and this life you should fear the way you talk to some people because them no get sense, them go carry the matter for house they show you shege and even they try way to end your life because of waiting you talk, or you fit now and she will now start to Dey spoil you for people say you no be better person and start doing what will make people hate you for nothing, so na the only advice wey me I get for you be this.

Unfortunately, Hatchy, she hasn't really contributed anything to the household income; instead, she's only added to our expenditures, which is why we're already tired of her stay and her daughter. The thing is, in this part of the country, you don't easily approach your aunt with issues like this, especially because aunts and uncles are often regarded as akin to biological parents. They expect the same level of respect as your own biological parents, which complicates matters and makes it difficult for us to ask them to leave or even hit at it.

If it were an easy decision for me to make, I would have done so already. However, I'm naturally a shy person, and I find it extremely difficult to muster the courage to tell my aunt that she should leave my home today. It's really an awkward situation for me, Hatchy.


It's my house, Charles. We're living in my apartment, and you know how the economic realities are affecting everyone now. If it were a year or two ago, I wouldn't have minded allowing them to stay longer, maybe six months or even more, as long as my fiancée didn't have any issues with it. However, now I'm faced with two issues.

Firstly, I'm concerned about my expenses, which I don't want to exceed my earnings, although that has already happened. Secondly, I'm also considering my fiancée's feelings since she's no longer comfortable with the situation. Even though they are women, that shouldn't be the sole reason for asking them to leave.

However, I also need to respect her privacy since we don't live in an extra-large building with plenty of rooms for visitors. it's just a few. Since we're not fully occupied with things, that's why they've stayed for so long. However, there are also issues of privacy that I would like to address.

Of course, that shouldn't be my primary reason for wanting them to leave, but considering the economic difficulties and my fiancée's discomfort, I shouldn't be selfish in this matter.


Wow, thank you so much, guys. I find your first and second approaches more interesting and practicable, and I think I would go with both, but I'll begin with the second one, which suggests that I will pretend as if I have gone bankrupt. I will act as though I have not received payment since last month and have been struggling to feed the family without raising any eyebrows. Given how strongly the economy has been affecting us, I find it difficult to even afford one square meal. I will then say I planned to discuss this with my fiancée and her daughter.

It will be a discussion in the sitting room or during dinner. I'll pretend to go out to visit a colleague at work, and when I return, I'll appear visibly distressed. I'll show some attitude and then head to the dining area, where I'll request my food in a subdued manner, as if everything was pre-planned, with or without my fiancée's involvement. I don't want her to feel pressured to side with me in chasing them away, I also don't want anything to reflect poorly on my auntie and her daughter.

So, I'll make it seem like it's entirely true, maybe I'll just fake it with my fiancée too. While eating, I'll start complaining, and when she asks, I'll finally tell them about my financial struggles, how I haven't received payment for the past month, and have been surviving on my savings, which are now running low. I'll inform them that from that night onwards, we'll only be having one square meal a day, apologizing for the situation but explaining that I can't see any immediate improvement in my financial situation, given recent office discussions. Then, I'll wait for their reaction.

If after 3 or 4 days, or a maximum of one week, they don't mention leaving, I'll resort to using strategy number one to finally persuade them to leave the home. I'm sorry to say, but that would be my last resort, as allowing them to stay longer would be akin to not receiving a paycheck, given the financial strain. I can't afford to provide them with something as luxurious as fast food, as I'm striving to provide them with nutritious meals which has disrupted my budget for now.

Things dey really happen for this country. People are really going through lots of experience now so any where them see comfort, that is where they will hide their head for the time being just to survive. My brother I understand say currently things are really going haywire and for the fact that you are one of them hence their comfort in staying with you which you would not blame them.  I will advise you discuss with your aunt to sought things out so as to avoid having misunderstanding with her and this should be done very fast so it doesn't result to something else in the future.

This thing you poured out now dey really happen and if anyone will say she's running from the economy situation the person might be right but I don't think so, things like this dey happen even with or without the economy situation.
To tell person this kind word sounds disrespectful or some how, even if person tell you this word using the most polite manner, you no go too vex for the person front but you'll definitely feel rejected. I no go advice you to tell her anything concerning her leaving but in my opinion give her an amount of money that will serve as her transport and e get the way you go put the word like say you dey give her money to keep for tp. I don't even know if this is necessary but you should just let go.

I believe she dey run from the economic realities of things for the country. If she get a job or business, she suppose don leave immediately after the wedding.

The truth of the matter be say e no good for you to open your mouth to tell them to leave. Family na family, you fit tell your aunty and her daughter to leave and e go come turn to serious family problem. If your fiancee get accommodation else where, you fit go her place go stay, or you fit talk to any of your friends, make him temporarily squat you. You fit tell them say e get job wey you get and you go travel of town for a week. After a week, call them and tell them say e get how the job be and you no kno when you go return back. If them stay hunger wire them, them go leave.

TBH, there is no word in this context that sounds polite especially when it has to do with relatives, if you tell her you will be in her mind forever. it will be interpreted as you chased her and daughter put of your house, basically if the house is your dad's and she's you dad's sis then you're in a very confused state now. but the only thing isa you can keep hiding it must tell her.
Don't be positive when approaching her because it might end up the wrong way so just keep in mind that you're gonna bear a bad name in the main time but will surely end one day.

Just kidding; you can plan a vacation with your fiancé to travel for like a week but dip down you guys aren't going no where when they see that the person providing is about to travel then they will plan to leave before you leave for your travel then you have succeeded.

It is never possible for us to entice or please everyone that comes our way, at least you can proudly beat your chest of having done according to your capabilities. It is no big joke or easy to shelter and feed extra considering the Nigerian economy on how difficult It is. You just have to spill it out more politely, don't beat round the bush just go straight to the point and avoid longer explanations.

My broda if the house nah your own and nah you and your woman dy battle for the expenses alone and as thing con hard reach, I no sure say any word wey dy as POLITE WORD as e be so. Talk to your aunty as e dy you for body but no raise voice like pepper body oh and no look her for eyes as you dey talk, las las them go say you be wicked person wey no want family member to come stay for your house, eh we gree "Aunty you know how things be and my power no too reach to dy cover for all of us, I no know when una plan to leave because as e be now the privacy of me and my woman is needed and things too don go high plus money no too dy come, so how una wan do this one, like when una chose to go back since e don tey una dy here"
Just tell them at least you don pass the message instead of to use indirect way, that one go be as if you rude, which I know say no be true... Use that line no shame or fear e go work out.
You know say some people no know their boundaries until you tell them.

this topic would have been better discussed at the economy section of the forum but since you've brought it here, let me tell you what I would have done if I'm in your shoe.

First off, you are at a very tight corner now considering the fact that you can't directly tell her to pack out of your house considering the kind of society we live in and how difficult it is for extended relative to understand that they have boundaries they shouldn't cross. The thing is never to give them that sense of comfort that will give them the impression that they can even stay long at your place. You can occasionally bring up conversation that suggest that you are asking her when she is going back. If she is wise, she will take the signal seriously but if she is the type that would pretend as though what you're talking isn't making any sense to her, you just look for a good time and talk things through with her. If you tell her that you would want your privacy based on the kind of work you're doing she might understand. If she insist on staying, for your own piece of mind and for you not to carry responsibility that will outweigh you, you can even suggest that you will assist them to look for an accommodations for them so that way you get your space.

No matter how you're close to a relative, the decision to allow them stay permanently with you should be the last thing that should come your mind except you are wealthy and have a space that they can stay in your comment without necessarily interfering with your privacy.

common man. The Nigerian economy is tough, and the way things are going in the country, everyone knows how things will be for everybody, so I am surprised why she is still leaving with you guys for this long just because she came to the wedding. I think she should go back, as now everyone has what is disturbing their house, so for her to stay for such a long period of time is too much. However, it is not a big deal if you can talk to her to let everyone know how the country is. Now you can meet her and talk to her in an understanding manner, or if you can't, you can find maybe your dad or someone you can talk to, and she will listen to you talk to her in a way that she will not even know you are the one who told the person to talk to her.

because to deh carry another person billing for head for naija now no be small thing, e don red for everybody as e be like this, somake you know how you go takerum am wey she go leave.

Brother, as e be so, e dy very obvious say, dem no wan go now base on say as the country hard, dem dy see free food and other free tins for ur place, and since you never fit speak up, dem just believe say you dy comfortable with it, but as a man wey you be, you have to speak up, though before now, you sopos don ask her which time she wan go, so that you fit buy them one or two things wey dem fit use go back, that question alone go make them know say dem don over stay their welcome, but as you don allow am tey like this, na for you to meet her and ask her wen she wan go, tell her say you dy broke now, because if you no tell her, ur fiance fit start to show her attitude wey you self no go like, besides women know how to drive each other away with attitude.
 
So I suggest you first act broke make she self see say money no dy again for now, after you dy convince say she dy of ur financial status, you ask her when she wan go back, tell her say things rough for ur side now, that you no want dem to dy hungry for ur house, if she insist say she go stay, no gree oo, tell her say you dy broke now, dat you no need much responsibility now, she will go.

Bro it up to you. I think if you don have money they will have left by now, the only thing that keep people active is when they see that something is coming on a regular basis. It is very simple to me first of all you

1) approach her politely that mam please don't be offended, the economy system is very bad and you can no longer Carter for everyone that she should go back to her husband let them manage otherwise you might go bankrupt. Then check what she replied if she said ok that the problem is money, them provide money that will take her back and a little she will feed for the first week at home or wherever she is going with her daughter. Because if you see the money you want to give her as a big money I bet you will spend more than that when she is with you.

2) if she find a strategy not to go back, after some days pretend as if you are broke or where you receive money they haven't paid you and you guys will leave a live of pretence by reducing your daily feeding from 3 square meal to 2 from 2 to 1 I bet you when it's up to 1 she will be the one to tell you to give her money for transportation to go back.

3) stop acting so nice. when you stop acting so nice they will feel uncomfortable, that you have changed from that good guy they know. Because people love to be around someone who has a soft mind and be taking advantage of them. So you can try any of this method given to you and thank me later.

Are you the one paying for the expenses?

Is it your family house? You can not tell her to leave. But you can leave for awhile if her presence is no more convenient for you.

If it is your house, you can call her and politely ask her why is she not living. If not convenient for you, tell her politely that you can no more accommodate her. But if it is me, I can not do that if she is in need of help and if I can accommodate her. She is a female, and she has a daughter which is also a female which I do not think is a problem. But only if someone wife (like your financee) agrees to it.

I'm not sure if we should discuss this here on the forum, buddy. But it's something worth thinking about, especially during tough times like these. Just managing to feed oneself alone can be challenging, let alone taking care of others. If you feel you can no longer accommodate her, you should find a kind way to ask her to leave. Sometimes people fail to consider the feelings of others, which is why I prefer only my siblings and parents to visit my house. If she were responsible( sorry to say), she would have realized she overstayed her welcome. Nigerians tend to overdo things sometimes. It's polite to accept an invitation and leave when it's time.

My question for you is, does she even contribute to the household expenses? If not, you've been very generous. Make your decision soon, she won't be offended. It's your house, and the bills will keep coming your way if you don't.

Hey guys, abeg make una come help me out of this matter, because you guys are my surest paddies here and I can only share this with you because of its sensitivity to me. My only Aunty (paternal Aunty) and her daughter visited us since last year after a wedding of one of my cousins which happened during the ember periods, today makes it 4 months since November last year that they came in and they haven't leave up till now. With the current economic reality that is biting everyone of us, I don tire to they accommodate them already.

And that has made me pretty much uncomfortable because even my fiancé wey cover up for my expenses sometimes has not been comfortable with this lately too upon say na she happy pass when been first come, abeg how do I politely ask her and her daughter to vacate the house without offending her?