This is not the right way to open up a business pitch, yeah you already said what you want but the thing you are missing is what you can offer to them and a little bit more information about your project since people who want to be with your business partners will want to know what kind of business they will get into. Aside from that you are a lower ranking member here who is throwing a random business pitch which just makes you a little bit untrustworthy because you lack the credentials especially with your current post.
Sure, I save my words even to start argue Here!
