I suppose while waiting for the offers to come in, you could just put a sign on your 3 doors telling people where they should go if they want to learn about Bitcoin. This forum would be a great place to point to (not that Google wouldn't have helped them already). Or if you want to attract some attention, then to have the landing page point to several other sites you think are really good. If they see enough incoming traffic, it might perk some ears. Maybe I'm not familiar with some terminology but unsure if dose and overdose would get any searches directed your way.
I actually think “Moon” especially is a revered word/meme in crypto. Just like “ hodl” etc. But yeah redirecting users to legit bitcoin/crypto websites and resources sounds like a good thing to do in the mean time.