Topic: Post your best jokes here... (Read 1694 times)
GO TO BED WITH AN EMPTY STOMACH, DECIDED TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT
it's nothing to be ashamed of, not nowadays
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot all walk into a bar.
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
I find these types of jokes grossly offensive as my father was beaten to death by an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman in a bar
.That's what you get for being Welsh around here.
Welsh? Where did you get that from?
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot all walk into a bar.
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
I find these types of jokes grossly offensive as my father was beaten to death by an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman in a bar
.That's what you get for being Welsh around here.
damn
that's racist
did that actually happen or you're joking us?
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot all walk into a bar.
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
I find these types of jokes grossly offensive as my father was beaten to death by an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman in a bar
.That's what you get for being Welsh around here.
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot all walk into a bar.
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
I find these types of jokes grossly offensive as my father was beaten to death by an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman in a bar
.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot all walk into a bar.
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
The barman says, 'What's all this, some kind of joke?'
A boy goes to a strip club. His MOM gets angry : Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? BOY: Yes, I saw dad!
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one looks over to the other and says:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
"Does this taste funny to you?"
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the ref was blowing fowls.
He heard the ref was blowing fowls.
Why did Helen Keller have burns on her right cheek? She answered the waffle iron. Why did she have burns on the left cheek? They called back.
How did Helen Keller lose her hand? She read a stop sign going 40 MPH
How come nobody heard Helen Keller when she fell of a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? You would too if your name was NNGHHAUGHMP.
How did Helen Keller lose her hand? She read a stop sign going 40 MPH
How come nobody heard Helen Keller when she fell of a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? You would too if your name was NNGHHAUGHMP.
A duck... walks into a bar, and waddles over to the bartender and asks "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender, politely responds "No, I'm sorry, we don't carry grapes" The duck leaves.
Next day: The ducks walks back into the bar, goes over to the bartender and says: "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender responds, "Sorry, no, we still, don't have any grapes, in fact, we aren't going to be carrying grapes." The duck leaves.
Next day: The duck again walks into the bar. "Do you have any grapes?" -- "No, no grapes, still. Bye."
Next day: Same thing, "Do you have any grapes?" -- "Look buddy, like I said, we don't have grapes, and I am getting tired of this, The next time you come in here asking for grapes, I am going to nail your beak right into the floor. Now, leave."
Next day: The duck waddles into the bar, by this time the bartender is beyond frustrated, "Do you have a hammer?" The bartender is a bit taken aback, and responds "Um, no..."
"Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender, politely responds "No, I'm sorry, we don't carry grapes" The duck leaves.
Next day: The ducks walks back into the bar, goes over to the bartender and says: "Do you have any grapes?"
The bartender responds, "Sorry, no, we still, don't have any grapes, in fact, we aren't going to be carrying grapes." The duck leaves.
Next day: The duck again walks into the bar. "Do you have any grapes?" -- "No, no grapes, still. Bye."
Next day: Same thing, "Do you have any grapes?" -- "Look buddy, like I said, we don't have grapes, and I am getting tired of this, The next time you come in here asking for grapes, I am going to nail your beak right into the floor. Now, leave."
Next day: The duck waddles into the bar, by this time the bartender is beyond frustrated, "Do you have a hammer?" The bartender is a bit taken aback, and responds "Um, no..."
"Do you have any grapes?"
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Exactly, some people just want to feel morally superior and it's these trypes of people who are usually the biggest hypocrites. They'll find these jokes funny, but stifle their laughter or come across offended. They're jokes; get over them.
I'm not morally superior. I have flaws, like everyone. But I genuinely didn't find those jokes funny.You don't have to, but don't judge others because they do. I'm sure there has been something you must've found funny in your life that was un-PC or of a controversial nature.
if you want to talk about sexism then you can start your own thread for this its not a bad idea
A truck driver picks up a nun hitchhiker, she sits beside him and starts talking:
-I heard truck drivers sometimes pick up young girls, take them to the woods and fuck them...
The driver doesn't respond and after a while she goes again, winking and smiling:
-Truck drivers sometimes pick up young girls, take them to the woods and fuck them...
The driver finally gets it and turns into the woods where the nun says that her superior checks their virginity so he can only get the ass,
he agrees and they do it. When they finish, they get back to the truck and continue the journey. After a while the nun starts talking again:
-Truck drivers sometimes pick up young girls, take them to the woods and fuck them... It's a bit harder for us faggots.
-I heard truck drivers sometimes pick up young girls, take them to the woods and fuck them...
The driver doesn't respond and after a while she goes again, winking and smiling:
-Truck drivers sometimes pick up young girls, take them to the woods and fuck them...
The driver finally gets it and turns into the woods where the nun says that her superior checks their virginity so he can only get the ass,
he agrees and they do it. When they finish, they get back to the truck and continue the journey. After a while the nun starts talking again:
-Truck drivers sometimes pick up young girls, take them to the woods and fuck them... It's a bit harder for us faggots.
Exactly, some people just want to feel morally superior and it's these trypes of people who are usually the biggest hypocrites. They'll find these jokes funny, but stifle their laughter or come across offended. They're jokes; get over them.
I'm not morally superior. I have flaws, like everyone. But I genuinely didn't find those jokes funny. 
Knock Knock,
Who's there?
Mintspare, and I think I'm worth 2.5 Million with no sales, no income, no haircut, no shave, no reputable office!
https://bitcointalksearch.org/topic/havelock-mintspare-ms-bitcoin-electronic-trade-in-service-official-thread-401481
Who's there?
Mintspare, and I think I'm worth 2.5 Million with no sales, no income, no haircut, no shave, no reputable office!
https://bitcointalksearch.org/topic/havelock-mintspare-ms-bitcoin-electronic-trade-in-service-official-thread-401481
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I find jokes about rape and murder funny, yet I don't like or condone either. I'm also about as anti-racist as you can get, but I'm also pretty non-PC and I can find racial humour funny as long as the jokes are not malicious or clearly hateful.
You're just being contradictory in every sense, then. I'm sorry, but I can't respect you if you like all those kinds of jokes, even if you “don't condone them” (which doesn't make sense).Why can you not respect me on that basis, please explain further. How am I being contradictory and what makes it so? So if I laugh or make a peadaphilic joke, that means I approve or condone childrape?
So have you've never laughed or at least been mildly amused by a black comedy or non-PC joke or something that is taboo? I can't imagine you being a barrel of laughs.
It's like with the blonde jokes, everybody knows some, doesn't mean they really think blondes are dumb. There are jokes about everything, religion, race, gender, some people feel offended and some don't, depends if they are laid-back or not. You obviously aren't.
Exactly, some people just want to feel morally superior and it's these trypes of people who are usually the biggest hypocrites. They'll find these jokes funny, but stifle their laughter or come across offended. They're jokes; get over them.
I find jokes about rape and murder funny, yet I don't like or condone either. I'm also about as anti-racist as you can get, but I'm also pretty non-PC and I can find racial humour funny as long as the jokes are not malicious or clearly hateful.
You're just being contradictory in every sense, then. I'm sorry, but I can't respect you if you like all those kinds of jokes, even if you “don't condone them” (which doesn't make sense).Why can you not respect me on that basis, please explain further. How am I being contradictory and what makes it so? So if I laugh or make a peadaphilic joke, that means I approve or condone childrape?
So have you've never laughed or at least been mildly amused by a black comedy or non-PC joke or something that is taboo? I can't imagine you being a barrel of laughs.
It's like with the blonde jokes, everybody knows some, doesn't mean they really think blondes are dumb. There are jokes about everything, religion, race, gender, some people feel offended and some don't, depends if they are laid-back or not. You obviously aren't.
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I find jokes about rape and murder funny, yet I don't like or condone either. I'm also about as anti-racist as you can get, but I'm also pretty non-PC and I can find racial humour funny as long as the jokes are not malicious or clearly hateful.
You're just being contradictory in every sense, then. I'm sorry, but I can't respect you if you like all those kinds of jokes, even if you “don't condone them” (which doesn't make sense).Why can you not respect me on that basis, please explain further. How am I being contradictory and what makes it so? So if I laugh or make a peadaphilic joke, that means I approve or condone childrape?
So have you've never laughed or at least been mildly amused by a black comedy or non-PC joke or something that is taboo? I can't imagine you being a barrel of laughs.
I find jokes about rape and murder funny, yet I don't like or condone either. I'm also about as anti-racist as you can get, but I'm also pretty non-PC and I can find racial humour funny as long as the jokes are not malicious or clearly hateful.
You're just being contradictory in every sense, then. I'm sorry, but I can't respect you if you like all those kinds of jokes, even if you “don't condone them” (which doesn't make sense).I'm sure you'll find many others who won't respect YOU for your intolerance.
I find jokes about rape and murder funny, yet I don't like or condone either. I'm also about as anti-racist as you can get, but I'm also pretty non-PC and I can find racial humour funny as long as the jokes are not malicious or clearly hateful.
You're just being contradictory in every sense, then. I'm sorry, but I can't respect you if you like all those kinds of jokes, even if you “don't condone them” (which doesn't make sense). global moderator
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The notion itself isn't, but I liked the joke
But that's a contradiction, isn't it? If the joke is based on sexism, and you liked the joke, then you can't say you don't like sexism.I find jokes about rape and murder funny, yet I don't like or condone either. I'm also about as anti-racist as you can get, but I'm also pretty non-PC and I can find racial humour funny as long as the jokes are not malicious or clearly hateful.
The notion itself isn't, but I liked the joke
But that's a contradiction, isn't it? If the joke is based on sexism, and you liked the joke, then you can't say you don't like sexism.
The notion itself isn't, but I liked the joke
No shit! 
Is sexism funny to you? It's playing on the stereotype that women can not sit still whilst remaining quiet.
its fun because in sub-continent most of peoples beleive 2 women cannot sit quietly even don't no each other
So, it's a sexist joke.As for the dogs... Don't blame poor Kim, he was drunk.
It's playing on the stereotype that women can not sit still whilst remaining quiet.
its fun because in sub-continent most of peoples beleive 2 women cannot sit quietly even don't no each other
So, it's a sexist joke. 
Surely, the following joke won't need to be explained.
What do you feed 120 very, very, very hungry dogs?
Perina Rodman Chow.
You rike uncle to me, Lodman!
Since Dennis Rodman likes to sing in North Korea, he might as well learn the lyrics to the last song he'll ever sing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8
What do you feed 120 very, very, very hungry dogs?
Perina Rodman Chow.
You rike uncle to me, Lodman!
Since Dennis Rodman likes to sing in North Korea, he might as well learn the lyrics to the last song he'll ever sing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He82NBjJqf8
the shortest joke ever : 2 women sitting quietly
I don't get it. Why is this fun? global moderator
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the shortest joke ever : 2 women sitting quietly
I don't get it. Why is this fun?It's playing on the stereotype that women can not sit still whilst remaining quiet.
the shortest joke ever : 2 women sitting quietly
I don't get it. Why is this fun?Not sure, but two women did volunteer to reenact the joke on Off-Broadway.
the shortest joke ever : 2 women sitting quietly
I don't get it. Why is this fun?
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
the shortest joke ever : 2 women sitting quietly
Good one, Never going to see that happen.
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*Knock Knock*
Who's There?
Doctor...
Who's There?
Doctor...
the shortest joke ever : 2 women sitting quietly
the shortest joke ever : 2 women sitting quietly
Here are some from me. Hope others will post jokes they like too! Some might be pretty dumb.
-What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A Gummy Bear.
-How do you get a dog to stop barking in the front seat? Put him in the back seat.
-A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?" The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."
-Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"
-What was the last thing Columbus said to his sailors before getting on the ship?
"Ok men, get on the ship"
-What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A Gummy Bear.
-How do you get a dog to stop barking in the front seat? Put him in the back seat.
-A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?" The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."
-Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"
-What was the last thing Columbus said to his sailors before getting on the ship?
"Ok men, get on the ship"
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