Topic: Royal family exposed, an alternate reality (Read 434 times)

Finally on the day of Jesters the tale of the Vulpine Vixen can be told.

I do believe that all conditions have been met. I myself have seen the stars and there surely were lines to be drawn and ultimate conclusions to be cemented in thought as the only conceivable explanation. Labelled a scammer debts have been settled; but scores go undetermined. The child can be seen but never unseen.

We begin our tale many years ago, in a time where Satoshis flowed like wine at one of the Vulpine Orders knightly fests. It has been many a moon since the Witchslayers were needed or summoned. Even the trolls had moved to a bog far from the silvered tongue lashings handed out by the order. It was in between the orgies and frolicking that lord Foxpup fate would be forever turned.

The Lord and his squire were off on this new machine, a 2 wheeled seat from the dreams of a mad witch. Forged by the mechanical being of all knowledge. Being the better part of 3 sheets to the wind they thought nothing of removing the liquor from a nameless actor whom they had nearly knocked clear into the village stream while exposing themselves to Guardians of the Trust. It disn't help the fellows chances having threatened to remove their feet if it should happen again. Sober and sore he swore to have his revenge.

Knowing of an affluent nobleman consumed with rage at the thought of Lord Foxpup, the nameless actor began his revenge. Knowing of the wise young kings desire to guide and grow the kingdom, he suggested a route for vehicles and creations of mad men. The King was overjoyed at this efficient way to direct traffic and provided the nameless actor full control. The path was designed and ran directly through the Affluent Noblemans property. Being that their Kingdom was known for the faceless, a group of Scammers and thieves vile and unrecognizable, the only traffic was a happy line of drunken Vulpine inductees.

Finally driven mad the Affluent Noblean, had taken to standing outside the order at all hours of the night and day. Pleading with any and all to hear of the travesties and uselessness within, to no avail. Until from beyond the shadows a mystery voice whispered the answer to his dreams. 5000 drops of this elixir and you will have outfoxed the Lord, the dark soothing voice had enthralled him changing his very being. Without hesitation he poured the vile into the cask marked for the lord and retreated to the masters layer, forgetting his affluence.

Unfortunately for the lord it had been a rather spirited day with the Order partaking in ummm rituals. So the cask was an easy obstacle to consume. Within moment the change had happened, and the lord was chased from the village. The townspeople had unusual stirrings they couldn't control and had become confused. Though it started sad this was the beginning of the consorts rise to the highest ranks of service in the Kingdom.

Edit: Damnit, I got carried away and forgot to create some characters. hmmmmmm. The thief of Bones and The Alchemist.... might just have to wait.

Luckily the texts only require my hands to spread the tales of this twisted kingdom. Taking my tongue will only disappoint the least favored of Brothel workers, and haven't they suffered enough.

Usurpers and valiant defenders alike may be born of these tales, and all in between. What I do know for sure is the texts will never lie.... as long as everyone understands them in the exact same way....foolproof.

My character list is growing, and I have decided at least 1 more tale will be written. Let's say next week sometime, I have to umm wait for the stars to align, for a scammer to repay their debts, and let's throw in a baby born from a man that identified as female to conceive, arguing with the sprites of nature until they just left.

I would suggest that you watch your tongue lest you wish for its removal.

We needn't have any prospective usurpers birthed from your tales of fantasy...

Well I am glad to see that some have enjoyed this little tale. Who knows I may have to write another one the next time I find myself plugging away on a weekend.


Oooh  may have to work you into the next one. Starving the poor Sp's of attention while hoarding all the riches in your large sack.


If anyone can do it, or will have the opportunity I believe the Queen will manage. Bonus points if you do it in sets of 4.


I believe many of the trolls think this is an actual transcript of the events. It is, you know , the texts and all. They do also risk being written into further adventures, wonder if that should have been a warning/local rule.  I wonder if The Pharmacist will become The Alchemist, perhaps something more interesting.

Pardon my blunder.  Last thing I need is to be vexed by a venerable time-traveling vixen with a veracity typical of her vulpine origin. 

No, I was already a time traveller before my unexpected promotion from Prince Consort to Queen Consort. Still, I'd be lying if I said the new title didn't come with a few perks...

You know what they say;  One should never discuss sex, religion, or politics in polite company.  I believe that word casts images of all three subjects.



How many generations of "first cousins" can one expect to get away with before CH is the result?



Don't sell yourself short, she turned you into a time-traveling vixen.  Badass!

Hey, I may be easy, but I do have some standards. (Standards set by Empress Lauda regarding who is entitled to my services as consort.)

Please don't sire any children with him, as you never know how much of the offspring will be tainted with whatever it is he's afflicted with.

OP, tread carefully--you are risking a massive amount of trolling by those who would take you seriously.  There's already the notion that there's a huge conspiracy among the DT members/merit sources/whatnot, and this will only fuel such delusions.

Also, that other thread got locked, but as far as suchmoon giving out 4 merits per shot: that sounds reasonable, and I wish I always had enough merits to do that every time I gave some out.  As it stands, I usually hand out only 2 merits per good post which is enough for the recipient to have one whole sMerit to give.  I try not to give out odd numbers of merits for that reason, not that it matters a whole lot.

Now that I have a new computer and am back behind an actual screen and can read more easily, I should be able to search for good posts again.  It's tough to do that on a crappy phone with a tiny-ass screen.  Yay for Dell.

I'll need to find a way to use this in casual conversations.


All that inbreeding would explain CH's affliction.

Meh, in reality the queen is my half sister. I am the bastard son and was actually born before the queen, so I believe that she stole my birthrite. I've been wading in the sewers since birth. This is why I cried out that I am unappreciated. To make matters worse, one of the evil king's minions chastised me for not being generous enough. Much to my chagrin, since I'm giving them out as fast as I get them.

They do say if you can't find the [Insert Label] in the room.


There are many colorful characters in this realm; some witches have been known to go by many names and faces. I hear tell the Evil king had been training others in the Dark Ways of Populus Control, the tales say she smites peasants in such great swaths Shiva herself would cower. The Sp's tell their brothers and mothers and cousins sisters wives these tales to instill fear and secrecy into their ranks, in an attempt to hide among the crowds.

The tale of the Vulpine Vixen, should be told. Might have to introduce the Vulpine order to save the day. Not sure if Sir JC would accept a title though.

This is all the fault of the Dark Witch cryptohunter, who has been sowing the seeds of discord throughout the kingdom for many an age. Plus she turned me into a vixen.

**Steamtyme stops briefly to look around the room, wondering who is the jester...  Then merrily skips away**

There may indeed be some fact to the first 3 members of the Royal Family controlling our realm. It was discovered in the texts late this evening. The Blue Queen accepted her title to be true, and confirmed the existence of her Evil King. Not to be left out the consort appeared, seeking pity and an opening.

For now I await the final piece of evidence that this is indeed a royal family, proof they are all 3 cousins by blood. For now enjoy the tail of The Haystack in the sewer.


This tale that ends with a Queen dethroned and cursed to wade through waste in dim glow of a sewer searching for the Needles. Leaving the mark of "4" at every turn that she thinks brings her one step closer. Sitting atop a throne built on secrets and dark powers the Evil King gazes at his triumph over the Queen who betrayed him. Awaiting the next command the Consort enjoys the comfort of the upper chambers, drinking in the succesful manipulation of the kingdom.

How we got there from the joyous realm of idealism the cousins once enjoyed. Frolicking among the peasants they had liberated from the trollbanks to the north, and douchefellers to the west. Unfortunately the good times came to an end, no one really noticed the first wave of the Sheetepoewst traders setting up markets, but eventually they were everywhere. The realm started to suffer and divisions formed fast and firm. The consort was no longer sitting idly by waiting for a call from whichever cousin was in need that night. It was time for a move, after casually slipping thoughts to the king he began to suspect it was the Queen who bought the SP's to the realm, and had her locked away.

Fast forward a few months and the King's mind has now been deeply poisoned by the Consort, and can only focus on dealing with the Queens rebellion of SP's. At the urging of the Nobility a final solution was enacted, the Sp's had grown so great in numbers they were everywhere. So the king had a roof built over there heads, where one must have been deemed worthy through a single act to be free. In his ravings he sentenced the Queen to spend out her days forever seeking those that would have been worthy. This became difficult once the nobility became disgusted with the stench of the New sewers and had it filled with hay.


Had a pretty good laugh in the thread before it got locked up so I thought I'd leave everyone with a fairytale.