... not a snowballs chance in hell 
Agreed. Even if a country adopted those principals the final regs would be about 2,000 pages.
See:
http://www.ecfr.gov/cgi-bin/text-idx?SID=58a4710ef2e133da3a818025e103c41c&node=31:3.1.6.1.2&rgn=div5
Still some of those are likely already in effect (at least in some jurisdictions).
#2 & #3 applies to anything of value, Bitcoins have value, courts have even indicated so. Case in point Pirate@40's defense that Bitcoin isn't money didn't hold water.
#5 as least so far hasn't been made illegal. Generally things are legal until they are explicitly illegal. Countries rarely pass laws stating something is legal. In the US FinCEN's focus has been on the "virtual-real" boundary. Entities not involved in real currency are not subject to FinCEN regulation.
#6 is probably true in most countries. To my knowledge no country has said Bitcoins are themselves unlawful and obviously if something is unlawful (gambling, illegal drugs, prostitution) changing the method of payment doesn't magic it to lawful.
#9 is generally accepted in US bankruptcy law (and most if not all countries). The concept is called a "bailor arrangement" however it doesn't protect you from fraud by the bailor for obvious reasons.
