Topic: Terrible Day (Read 2956 times)

That sucks.
Don't give up though you can retake it.
Sounds like a messed up day for sure.  Hang in there.

Mine sucks too. Fucked up in SAT. Waited for 5 hours to be picked up. Forgot the charger. Almost got hit by 3 cars.... God dammit life

I will check these out.
Thanks.
It is amazing what they are doing now.  In ten years it's going to be even more advanced.

It's not exactly what I looked for but it seems to show the same clinic :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7VM76qbidE
(part 1 of a series of documentiations, focussed on the results of neuronal recovery with the method mentioned above)

These google video search results basically all point in the same direction and show different individuals and their results.

Maybe another good place to look : http://stemcellschina.com/

That is something that I watch closely.
I hope that these progressions become more affordable and widespread so more people can get this done.
To have my spinal cord and nerves heal properly would be awesome.  That is so much of the pain the scar tissue that they developed.
I know in texas there is a center that is doing great stuff with actually repairing disks as well.  This cuts down on fusions.
There are so many medical advances out there it is exciting to think what the future will be like.
I will google for that video it sounds great.

Thanks for the heads up.

Not everyone has the cash, but if everything (standard western medicine) fails - since several years, China has developed some darn amazing breakthroughs using adult stem cell therapy, causing an enormous influx of foreign patients seeking help.

So far, even some longtime paraplegics managed to walk again (which at home their specialists deemed absolutely impossible), so neuronal recovery options using these therapies far exceed what traditional medicine in our hemisphere can offer at this point.

As said, however, that trip with 1-2 weeks on location will set you back about 30000$...

I've looked around for a very well-made documentation about these results by following several patients from around the globe to china and their treatment (gave chinese specialists, the patients and their doctors at home room to voice their opinions), but I can't find it anymore. It was about an hour length, I believe it was taped around 2010.
I do remember one of the patients filmed was a paraplegic US citizen that suffered from a severe car accident a long time ago, after several treatments he was able to walk short distances using normal canes.

I just want to thank you all.
Your encouragement has been great and very helpful.
I know I only seem to post here when I am in a bleak mood and I apologize for that.

Things are progressing.  In the next few weeks I will have the surgery and hopefully I will be on my way to feeling much better.

Thanks again everyone.

Thank you.
I know I will never hit 100% again but to be able to move better and be able to be more active with my 15 month old daughter would be great.

Thank you.
I am trying to stay positive that this helps some.  It has been rough.

damn, that's rly bad luck for u, wish u more health and back to 100% efficiency. Take care mate!

I hope you get better OP.

Finally after snow storm delays got to see my surgeon today.
I am having a double fusion.
Before they can schedule my surgery I have to have a diskography where they inject dye into the disks and take images to make sure they are getting all the bad disks and to see the extent of the bad one's damage.
I'm not looking forward to it but I am hoping for some relief from the pain and hopefully the falling and spasms.

I hope you are all doing well.

Monty Python always makes me laugh.
The Don't worry be happy song was cool for the first couple weeks when it came out then it got so overplayed I remember me and everyone around me hated it.  LOL
Now it is fun nostalgia.

Good links thanks.

For all those who had a bad day :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snFYdP5nK3g

"(...)

And...always look on the bright side of life...
 Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
 There's something you've forgotten
 And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
 When you're feeling in the dumps
 Don't be silly chumps
 Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
 Always look on the light side of life...
(...)"


and this one - always make me smile even while crying
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I know sometimes things get bad and then good and inbetween.  I just have never expierienced anything like this.
Before breaking bones or dislocating joints playing hockey or professional wrestling was just a minor bump and I easily overcame it.
This back injury stopped me in my tracks.  I don't give up but sometimes I just want to so badly.

Thanks again.  I hope you have a great evening.

Quite true.
The last year and half has definitely been the bad end of Variance. LOL
I am trying to be positive it just gets very difficult at times.  Depression makes your mind go places you normally would not and think things that make no sense.
I am not giving up but sometimes I have to let it out or I go nuts.
Hopefully sunshine will happen this summer.  I need a break in my bad Variance for a change. 

Thanks. 

I feel so sorry for you. A cloud of bad luck has flown over you. I wish you all the best, and good fortune in the future.
Hope you recover soon!

Life has ups and life has downs (DURRRR). Learn to live with it or quit. That being sad sucks to be you, but after darkness comes... more darkness and maybe after that some sunshine! Variance irl.

I have never used anything like that.
Not sure if it would be a good idea now with all the trouble I have walking.

I love going outside.  We live rural and I do that when I can.  The snow storms and sub-zero weather kill that lately though. LOL

yeah, you can also light up a joint with a couple of friends and everything sad will disappear

That really sucks on having a terrible day.

You know what makes you happy, so do that. Outside from the health conditions you described.

I usually like to expand my view by watching vice.

That is good news, you have a way to go forward.
I did that for quite a while as well I just never knew until now that you posted this what it was. 
Thanks for sharing this it actually helps me too.
This must give you peace of mind moving forward and a place to start from.  I am happy you have started getting answers.

Today I did not get to go to my doctors appointment, lake effect snow between me and his office.  Now another week of waiting.
I had another bad fall yesterday too.  I was walking down the hallway to the bedroom and my leg decided to give out.  I managed to smack my head into the door jamb trying to catch myself.

On top of it all my replacement mainboard finally came in and turns out when the old board died it fried my PSU and CPU too.  No money to replace them.  I just cannot win some days.  Now I am stuck with my old laptop for internet access and nothing to control some of my mining gear.

I'm so tired I feel if I did not have bad luck there would be none in my life somedays.

Hey ManeBjorn, hope you are feeling well. I just want to add an update to my situation if you care to read it. It's long but hopefully it makes sense.

I am getting closer and closer to fixing my problem! Woohoo! It is awesome.

I found out what the leading cause of it was. Confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is when if you think of a certain idea that may or may not be true, your mind will only look for evidence to support that idea. Ex. Bitcoin is the future. So you only see evidence that Bitcoin is the future, like when Bitcoin reached $1k, and you only know positive Bitcoin facts, but ignore the possible flaws like Mt Gox crashing caused entire Bitcoin prices to plummet. That is an example of confirmation bias, and that is what I figured out was the root of my problematic thinking.

It basically started with the idea seed of someone telling me so many different stereotypes he had! "Stay away from the kinds of people who do so and so because they are so and so" and during dinner "You have to eat properly like this and people who don't are so and so". "These kinds of people do so and so because they are so and so."

I don't want to go too deep into it, but I took his word that he was right. He lived a pretty good life, making a good living, good body, house, girlfriend, etc, so I was like, yeah this guy knows what he's talking about. Anyway he basically 'taught' me incorrect things, I didn't give second thought to what he was saying. He even said something like "yeah people are always trying to bring you down" or "yeah people are the worst gotta watch out who you talking to"

What got me the worst was when he said things like "You know these kinds of girls who do this and this are very so and so! They will only ruin your life, stay away from them!" I didn't have anything to counter his evidence at the time, I was so stupid and so accepting. I used to go outside and meet new people all the time at different places, but since he told me "blah blah majority of people are worthless blah blah they will only bring you down" I became VERY skeptical about everyone I met!

Thanks to the Confirmation Bias, I started to see it in people. When he said "the kinds of people who do so and so are so and so" I was like 'holy shit he's right about that one thing this one time, so therefore he has always been right about everything he just said!' tore my mind apart.

Honestly I abandoned some of my friends of that time period. Actually no, I abandoned practically all of them and became reclusive. I then started forming my own confirmation biases about everyday life situations that I'm in, and that's really what's killing me now. I basically only looked for evidence to support my theories and not anything to the contrary. Which is completely wrong.

You might not think someone's advice could be so life changing, but yeah, they were. He said these things with such fiery passion and in such an honest and informative voice that I just accepted it.

One of my own really dumb confirmation bias I came up with thanks to this guy, is that people in cars hate people in bikes. I actually ride my bike a lot and it was honestly one of the most relaxing things I could ever do. Thanks to this confirmation bias though, I looked it up online, fair enough on Twitter people were talking about hating cyclists, there are even facebook pages dedicated to it, articles, lots of stuff. Then when I went bike riding recently I started to notice cars a lot more and did my best to please them, not getting in their way, trying to use the sidewalks as much as possible, and being very careful as not to get run over when I've been cycling for years without really caring or even seeing other cars or vehicles on the road. Now I see them everywhere.

I have a few of these biases that I made up and they are surely being removed. I'll open up more and maybe reveal the more horrible ones I have as I become more comfortable in feeling that they have been solved.

I agree and thanks for the encouragement.
Each day I look at as a win. 
My wife, daughter and the rest of my family are why I keep going.

Thanks man, you are awesome and so understanding.

Think about it this way, your entire family wants you to become healthy again and they all love you and care for you. You have to be strong for them.

You have to act strong and be strong to get through this. Your children are looking up to you and you have to show them that their father is a very strong man and if he can get through this problem, they themselves can get through anything.

Thank you.

Thanks for sharing.
I have been through divorce and financially difficult time as well.  Nothing so financially devastating as now.
This has been just horrible.  My wife and I have seen our savings gone and 401K used just to get by.  Medical bills are piling up.  We have a 15 month old daughter that we had wanted for so long.  It was devastating to get hurt like this when my wife was 4-5 months pregnant.

I hope that things get better for you.  I never wished divorce or relationship pain on even people I could not stand as it is so terrible.  You are correct as well the over thinking, anger and paranoia get overwhelming.  I hope that you can get through this soon.
No one should have to go through it.

As for me I am just trying not to let it beat me.  Nights like last and days like today make it difficult to deal with.  My daughter has been playing and after me to join her all day and she gets so frustrated I can't do much.  It breaks my heart.
We cannot even afford day care for her a couple days a week so she can spend time with other children.  It makes me feel like such a useless waste of space.
I just want to be healthy for my family and to know it will never happen is crushing. 
One of the humiliating things with this is trying to get disability.  They treat you like you don't want to work and are a lazy criminal who has not worked a day in your life.
I've worked for 27 years and would now if I could.
It is demeaning to be treated like this because some people abused the system.

Keep your head up too and don't give up.  I am going to try not to as well.

Well said.

We all wish him all best and gettin in a beter situation.

Kind regards

Heads up

Holy moly! Your post makes me want to tear up... That is quite disappointing....

Anyway good luck to you and your life...

I think we all have problems to deal with, at least because I also have my own problems as well now. It's so freaking weird, you mentioned at one point you were an athlete, let me guess, you didn't have any problems in your life during those times or at least compared to now, you would think those problems never existed. Same here!

At one point the only 'problems' I had were; 'getting a girlfriend', 'earning more money', 'losing weight', and maybe 'study for this test' non-issues.

Those problems are inconsequential compared to something like 'fixing a broken marriage', 'trying to get out of debt when you can't even make ends meet' and 'daily chronic pain making you unable to do daily activities'. Now those are real problems that are actually hard to solve!

You should be thankful if you don't have any of those problems. I am very thankful that I currently am not facing any of them, but it could definitely happen at any moment and I am not denying that. For example you might suddenly get a life-threatening disease one day. Trust me, we all think 'we won't get it' or 'it won't happen to me' but yes, reality strikes fast and anything can happen.

Anyway I've already gone through chronic pain and surgeries, so I definitely know the feeling of pain and disability. Right now I'm facing possibly a worse issue than what I experienced before... I only had to experience a few months of physical pain, which at the time were really strong feelings, yes I even often had that feeling of 'kill me now to end this pain' but that is now a distant memory.

Now I've gone to new territory... Mental anguish... This one I consider even worse as it dictates how you live your life and how you react to other people... Just thinking about it paralyzes me... It's so bad... My only advice would have to be watch out to what people tell you... Someone's opinions may cause you to overthink, disrupt the entire flow of your thinking state and look at the world in a brand new perspective, a worse perspective. Trust me it happened and it happens.

I've gone from very optimistic, very open, and very trustworthy of other people to suddenly resenting, even seriously hating groups of people, no it's not due to race, social status, or classification of the norm but due to a certain action. Seriously, sometimes I would experience intense rage... Very intense rage... Due to my thoughts. You know what I would rather feel that intense rage? Depression. I would rather be depressed than angry, the difference is in one you feel like there's nothing you can do so you are depressed, in anger you feel like other people are at fault and you want to fix them so you are angry. I've never felt so angry at the world before being introduced to this school of thought...

I'll keep up to date here on my progress with this and I'll get rid of this plaguing mindset. It's brought me nothing but unhappiness. Worst part is sometimes it pops up randomly. You are working on something, then boom, there's that thought, then all of a sudden throughout the entire day it just keeps popping up, no matter how much you try to focus on your work, it just pops up. Even when someone does something, I think 'oh they must be so and so' when originally I would have not cared nor judged! But yeah things are different when you look at things differently...

So good luck with your life man. I wish for all of us the best...

Thank you.
I am trying.

Hehe.. :-) true indeed! Head up! Only strongest will survive!

That is an analogy that I hope can come true both for me and bitcoin. 
It's been alot to deal with.
As for bitcoin now that things are moving forward from the GoX issue things should only get better.

don't worry man, you're like bitcoin
you have your downs, but in the future you'll come up again

and it will all be worth it

Hi,
I hope you are doing well today.

 
I shall smile back.

hi

 

Last night was rough.
I fell asleep for a little bit and woke up screaming with spasms racking me bending me backwards.  It has left me drained and shaky even now.
I just wish it would stop.  I know there is nothing they can do for that and the upcoming surgery will not help with them but I just need a break from it.  I am so worn out from the constant pain and spasms.  My wife was woken up out of a sound sleep to this, I think she is so wonderful.  She is always there for me.
I find out thursday when my surgery will be.  I hope it's soon.
I hope you are all doing ok.
Best wishes to you all.

Thank you for sharing and yes I will PM you after the next couple days of tests.
It is wonderful to hear you are doing better.  I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel too.
My doctor confirmed to day I'm going to have surgery sooner rather than wait.  He does not want anymore damage to my spinal cord and nerve roots.
I go next week for the last of the pre surgical scans then surgery.  I'm not looking forward to it but right now I hurt so badly I'm nauseous and I still have to go to another doctors appointment.  It's a rough day for sure.
Thanks again I appreciate it.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

If it makes you feel any better, I have had severe chronic pain (specifically, a condition known as chronic myofascial pain, similar to but not to be confused with fibromyalgia) for the last two and a half years. At its worst I could barely even walk and pretty much only morphine could help; I seriously considered suicide as a rational method of escaping the unrelenting physical agony. But thankfully I've been slowly improving with therapy (the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol) and today I'm able to walk and drive a car again and as of Janurary I could finally get off the pain meds. I still have a long ways to go, however, before I beat this thing. So things can get better my friend. Don't give up yet, look into your treatment options. If you need someone to talk to, just pm me and i'll give you my number

Update.
Today was the 1st of 3 doctors appointments.
I have to have another surgery it is just a matter of if they want to do it in the next couple weeks or wait a couple more months to let me heal a little more from the last one I had 4 months ago.  The decision will be made over the next few days.
It will be to clear out scar tissue and fuse vertebrae and repair torn muscles from the muscle spasms.
Tomorrow is the 2nd appointment for more programming of my implant and new meds to combat the spasms.
Friday morning more tests and finally some rest for a couple of days.
It's been a nightmare I just want to end.
I keep feeling like I need to escape but it's my own body I am running from.
Just so demoralized right now. 
On top of it all I had to borrow money from my dad to pay for meds and gas today.  Just 1 1/2 yrs ago I was paying his bills now I cannot even take care of my own.
I'm so frightened of more surgery.  I keep worrying I won't wake up and miss growing old with my wife and seeing my daughter grow up.
It just feels like too much.

Thank you so much I appreciate it so much.
With your trading skills I should give you some to invest and have you trade it and grow it for me.  Hopefully I when I get enough to make it worth doing.

I hope you are doing ok.

My doctor told me today she thinks she sees more damage in the xrays.  Tomorrow I get more tests and see my surgeon and Wednesday as well.
I hope they figure it out soon I am so exhausted and hurting.  It feels like a vicious cycle.
My wife was crying last night because I was having spasms that were bending me backwards and making me cry.  She is so worried.  I don't know how to console her when I can't even do it for myself.

On a good note my daughter was in bed with us for a little while this morning.  She curled up at my side and had me read to her for over and hour.  I love that.  She is such a sweetling.

I wish everyone a happy day and thanks for the help and encouragement it means so much too me.

Thanks and I am looking forward to better days.  Today has been rough so far I cannot walk far and have to have help to the bathroom.  Very humiliating. 
Tomorrow and Wednesday I have appointments with my surgeon and tests.  This morning my primary care doctor said it did not look good she thinks I have more damage.

I am not good at trading but I try.  I don't have much to trade with anyways but I have some on Bter and cryptsy.  I keep thinking I need to invest in a bot to do some trading for me but with .01 BTC to my name it's not worth it.  LOL

Thanks again I appreciate it. 

Sorry for the Delay my friend I sent some to your BTC Tip Jar now.

Will send more soon hang in there dude

Wow bummer man, that's pretty shitty. But it can't be bad all the time. You'll pull through. Sunnier days are ahead. In the meanwhile, focus on getting better. On the flip side, you could stare at btc charts all day like me and make buy/sell orders when you're incapacitated 

The last year and a half has been very shitty.  Ever since I got injured it's been a nightmare.
I keep waiting to hear the canned laughter of a studio audience sometimes because it feels like I'm trapped in some sitcom tv show.

sounds like a shitty life. you're in the right place. 

I cannot wait until tomorrow morning to see what my doctors are going to do.  Today was such a lost day.  I had to stay in bed most of it because I keep falling down.  I'm hurting so badly I'm still nauseous.
Hopefully they will know what the next step it.
I looked at my xrays and it looks like one disk is only about 25% the thickness of the other disks and this changed in the 4 weeks since I had a myelogram CT Scan.

So much uncertainty and unending pain.  I just want a break from it even if only for a while.

I hope so.
I keep trying to visualize life like being on the ocean.  Sometimes you are riding on the waves and others in down low between them.  So eventually I will float to the top again.
I keep hoping tomorrow will be better and each day I hope and work for it to be better.
The bleak feelings I hope will pass like those waves.
Thank you.

Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I hope you have a great rest of the weekend.

I try that as well.  I watch the silliest movies and tv shows I can to crack and smile and try to enjoy the little things like laughing with my daughter as she pulled my hair today.
Crying makes everything hurt and I prefer to laugh as well.
Thank you.

I am trying.
Thank you. 

Everyone have bad days... Don't worry tomorrow always will come

All the best buddy

“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to
laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”

Don´t worry, all is ok. Just you think that.

Not a problem buddy gonna be Re-Opening the Giveaway very soon! 

By the way CrazyRabbi, thanks as well for the free mining you had been doing.
That was fun to watch it pop up and mine every now and then.
That's something I am going to do with my old ACIS's once I get some more gear so I can pay that forward. 

Wow that is alot of stuff going on at once.  I am glad things have been working out for the better for you and your mom and friend.  That is a lot to deal with.  Is your mom able to use her hand at all?  It gets scary when things happen to your hands. 
It seems everything happens all at once.
I am trying to get disability but in the US they treat you like you are someone who is lazy not someone who needs help.  All the doctors have told them I am disabled and cannot work and my own surgeon wrote them a letter stating he does not want me to work because of the risk of more damage.  Yet they still make no decision.  It has been over 6 months with so many more before they decide.  If they deny it as they usually do to most people who apply the first time it will be up to another 6 to 9 months to get and appeal and another decision.  My mom is being proactive though and has a lawyer lined up in case that happens.
When I got hurt my wife was 5 months pregnant with our daughter.  We never thought we were going to be able to have children.  We went from being so excited because we both had good jobs and were healthy and wanted a child so much to being very scared for the future.
My daughter is 14 months old now and so awesome.  When I fell down last night in the kitchen she brought over her blanket and put in on my head and lay down next to me.  It was heartbreakingly sweet.
I won't give up I don't know how even though my body cries out for relief.
My wife, daughter, family and friends remind me everyday how much I would lose if I gave up.
The kindness of people I don't know has been wonderful as well.  I could not carry to my car things I had to buy a couple weeks ago and the parking lot was filled with snow so I could not push the cart to my car.  Mind you I usually don't shop but my wife was gone to relatives and I needed food and new ice packs for my back.
This couple helped me get everything to the car.  I was just so surprised.
Thank you for sharing your own story it helps me keep moving forward.
Thank you very much as well for the tips.  I appreciate it more than I can articulate.
I usually get them for helping others out that was why I have them in my sig. 
I also mine MemoryCoin because it gives 1% of all mining to charities.  It really struck home when I saw the coin how helpful it can be to those in need and being in need myself it still lets me give as well now that I cannot afford to give directly anymore.
Thank you again and my best wishes for you and your family.

I feel very sorry for you.

We have a family friend that broke her back and has had similar issues with neurological problems and nerve problems.

My Mum also has neuralgia in her Jaw and about 1 year ago now my sister's dog pulled her down on a rocky slope at my sister's house and she has severe nerve damage in her hand as well.

My Mum has not been able to work and my Step Dad just passed away during the end of December so it's been a really rough time for me as well.

I lost my job as a Network Administrator for a friend who owns Multiple Data Centers / Co-Located Servers and DDoS Mitigation Services so it's a significant amount of money that I'm not making each month.

I thought everything was going badly in December but then everything good and positive and improving happened.

Our very good family friend received her Disability Status with the Canadian Government and got her first cheque from the Canadian Government.

Our other family friend who broke her back and has severe nerve damage sold her trailer and had enough to move elsewhere where she found a well paying job.

Throughout the weeks after my Step Dad passed away everyone helped us out financially and gave us as much love and support as possible.

Then within the last 2 weeks I have been able to trade my 4.4 Bitcoins into over 15 Bitcoins and it changed from being the person desperate for money to being the person having more then enough and being able to share with all my friends and family and people that need it.

I guess the moral of what I'm trying to say is that you should never give up.

Things will get better and There will be brighter days.

PS: I'll be filling your tip  jars right away

Just an update.
I ended up in the hospital last night not too long after my last posts on here.  I had some more xrays and tests.  I could not even use my right leg to walk to the bathroom.
I am able to walk a little bit today after all the meds they pumped me into me.  I have to go see my surgeon monday as there is more damage.  I did not even get to go get the other tests today as planned because of it all.
I'm not giving up but I would do almost anything for just an hour without pain.  It's been over a year and a half since I have not had intense pain.  It wears me out.
My wife is so worried and last night she started getting more so about me and also about the medical costs that have left us broke.  We had to max out our one credit card lastnight for the ER visit. 
I don't get our system of healthcare sometimes.  $250 copay just to go to the ER then they charge you out the nose for every little thing.
I'm scared I might never be able to walk unassisted again but I am just as frightened of the bills that keep piling up.

One interesting thing was on the xrays they took I could see the spinal cord implant and the battery pack and circuits.  Very cool looking.  It is amazing what we have done with medical technology the last few decades.

I wish everyone the best and have a great rest of the weekend.
Thanks for all of your great moral support it is priceless.

Thank you.

Hope you feel better soon. c:

Thank you and to you and yours the same. 

I'm glad I don't eat much of either.  LOL

Thank you.
Post 777.    Very cool.
You are quite right too I have been pushed beyond breaking I still have not given up yet and I should not ever no matter how difficult.  It's so hard to make that primal part of my brain remember that when I am in such pain. 

Best of luck mate and have faith. Be positive. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your wife!

Folks you need to lay off the sodium and shrimps.  those poor creatures are dying for your souls.

Live is school if a hard knox.

Keep your head up man.  We all go through some serious dark times in our lives.   You have to be thankful that you have a wife that is sticking by your side and a kid that loves you...Those 2 things alone are irreplaceable.  

I have some stories that wouldn't believe...I don't wanna air them out, but trust me, I have some bad ones too.

You have to be like a bitcoin...lol...no matter how many times you get knocked down, you just keep rebounding back.   Life is easy when the money is rolling and there are no struggles, but when everything crumbles...that is where you show what you are made of.


Coincidentally this is post #777 for me...so that means 10 years of good luck for you ahead

I appreciate you sharing that.
I hope someday I will get better but I know there is a limit.  The spinal cord and nerve damage is permanent my doctors have told me.
I am trying not to give up.  It feels so bleak so often.  I am glad that you were able to recover.  It must have been terrible when you broke it.

I know what you can feel.

I was in similar situation after breaking my backbone.
But now everything seems quite better after 5 years :-)

Be strong and never give up !!!

Thanks I appreciate it.
I will try to remember that as well.  It's been a brutal year and a half.

Seems like a bad day.

Remember. It cant rain all the time.


Wish you best!!!!

Today has been a terrible day and I just need to vent.
I had injured my spinal cord in an accident moving logs a year and a half ago and have underwent 2 surgeries the 2nd just a couple months ago now.
Although the surgeries have helped me regain quite a bit of use of my right leg I have been struggling with the spinal cord and nerve damage and neuropathy with brutal spasms and 24/7 pain.
I still have falls that I cannot control and other problems from it. 
A few days ago I had a really bad fall and have been having even worse than usual pain.  My spinal cord stimulater implant can't keep up with the normal pain this is just even more brutal.
Today, Valentines Day I am bedridden as I cannot walk more that a couple steps without spasms, pain and my leg not moving.  I have been hurting so badly I am nauseous.
My wonderful wife has been taking care of me and got me a thoughtful gift and peanut butter cups.  All I could afford for her was a card as I have not been able to work since the accident.
We were supposed to go out to a nice dinner our parents were sending us too and my mom was going to watch our 1 yr old daughter so we could spend some time alone.
Instead I am a mess and cannot walk or sit.  I'm stuck in bed.  My doctor is scheduling me for emergency scans for tomorrow at the local hospital.

I am so frustrated, angry and sad that it is crippling me in other ways.
I feel so physically, emotionally and mentally battered it is hard to even think positive. Everything feels so insurmountable then I feel terrible because I know there are others in worse shape.
I just don't know what to do anymore it is killing me slowly.  I am only 42, my life was not supposed to be like this.  I went from being an athlete to disabled.  From very intelligent to slow and dim from the pain clouding my mind.
The feeling of being useless and helpless just worsens the depression that I fight non-stop with the pain.

Days like today make me want it to end regardless of how.  I know better but my mind and pain keep beating me to a pulp.

I'm sorry for the rant I am just so cut off from my friends and family most of the time.