Two Pakleds walk into a woodcarver's studio...
WC: May I help you?
Pakled 1: Yes, how much for the laser?
WC: What laser?
Pakled 2: Don't play dumb with us! We know a laser when we see one, and we is seeing one now.
WC: Thank you for stopping by, but I need to close up shop for the day. Please come back tomorrow.
Pakled: Fair enough. We come tomorrow and buy laser.
Topic: The official Pakled joke thread. (Read 1438 times)
What did the Pakled do when he received the recent email soliciting discounted Monarchs from BFL?
He ordered one.
What did the same Pakled do while awaiting his Monarch?
F-5 his email account hoping to receive further solicitations so that he could order more.
He ordered one.
What did the same Pakled do while awaiting his Monarch?
F-5 his email account hoping to receive further solicitations so that he could order more.
Three Pakleds walk into a bar:
Bartender: May I help you three fine gents?
First Pakled to the Third (a tagalong): I told you that you wouldn't believe it.
Third Pakled: Yes. We are looking for a light bulb.
Bartender: I'm afraid I can't help you in that regard.
Second Pakled: I knew this place was too good to be true. Computer, end program. End program. END PROGRAM! Damn it, another thing broken we now need to fix.
Bartender: What is it that you guys do for a living?
First Pakled: We look for things.
Bartender: Ahhh! Like a scavenger hunt.
Second Pakled: Let's get the fuck outta here! This dude's onto us.
Bartender: May I help you three fine gents?
First Pakled to the Third (a tagalong): I told you that you wouldn't believe it.
Third Pakled: Yes. We are looking for a light bulb.
Bartender: I'm afraid I can't help you in that regard.
Second Pakled: I knew this place was too good to be true. Computer, end program. End program. END PROGRAM! Damn it, another thing broken we now need to fix.
Bartender: What is it that you guys do for a living?
First Pakled: We look for things.
Bartender: Ahhh! Like a scavenger hunt.
Second Pakled: Let's get the fuck outta here! This dude's onto us.
That whole episode was a hilarious joke. 
---------------------------------------------------------
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeFoGo3N_4g
Riker: "I'm First Officer William Riker of the U.S.S. Enterprise, we're responding to your distress signal."
Gredneblog: "Uh-huh."
Riker: "What is your problem?"
Gredneblog: "We are far from home."
Riker: "Aren't we all? But, you sent out a mayday?"
Gredneblog: "Uh-huh."
Riker: "Do you need help?"
Gredneblog: "We are Pakleds. Our ship is the Mondor. It is broken. We are far from home. We need help."
Geordi: "Let me guess, their rubber band broke, right?"
Data: "Sensors indicate engineering problems. They're experiencing total guidance system failure with less than 24 hours reserve power."
Geordi: "Maybe I can help?"
Riker: "What brings you so far from home?"
Gredneblog: "We look for things."
Riker: "What were you looking for?"
Gredneblog: "Things we need."
Riker: "Can you be more specific?"
Gredneblog: "Things that make us go."
-------------------------------------------------------------
http://tng.trekcore.com/audiocaps/2x17/2x17-fiction-e.mp3
Riker: "Where did they get their shields?"
Gredneblog: "Yes, we like shields."
Geordi: "Well, from what I've seen, half the systems onboard the ship have been stolen from the Romulans, Klingons, Jarada, just about anyone they've come in contact with."
Gredneblog: "We like to be smart."
Riker: "Confirm, Lieutenant La Forge. They steal technology..."
Data: "...But they lack the ability to use it properly."
Riker: "You're an excellent Chief Engineer, Lieutenant La Forge."
Geordi: "Thank you, sir."
Riker: "And, of course, your knowledge of phaser and photon weaponry is unmatched."
Geordi: "That's nice of you to say, sir, but, it's really Lieutenant Worf that--"
Riker: "Our missions are always inherently dangerous and any of us could be called on to make the ultimate sacrifice at any time."
Geordi: "Well, yes, sir, but..."
Riker: "Speaking of time, this may be your time. I shall personally miss you."
Data: "Good-bye, Geordi. I shall miss you at weapons system analysis."
Geordi: "Uh-huh. Uh, and I guess you'll just have to arm your photon torpedoes without me."
Data: "As well as our hydrogen collectors. Fond farewell."
Gredneblog: "He knows about weapons."
Reginod: "You can make us strong!"
Geordi: "Well, it's not something I really like to talk about."
Worf: "Any classified weapons knowledge you share with your captors will be considered treason."
Geordi: "But, I may have no choice!"
Worf: "You will die without honour!"
Geordi: "Thanks a lot, Worf."
Worf: "You will never reach the twenty-fourth level of awareness."
Geordi: "Twenty-four? That's quite a challenge."
Worf: "Indeed. Twenty-four is the gateway to heroic salvation."
---------------------------------------------------------------
http://tng.trekcore.com/audiocaps/2x17/2x17-teethareforchewing-e.mp3
Reginod: "We are strong!"
Geordi: "You're armed to the teeth!"
Gredneblog: "Teeth are for chewing."
Geordi: "You have photon torpedoes. You are strong!"
Gredneblog: "We are strong! We have power!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
http://tng.trekcore.com/audiocaps/2x17/2x17-crimsonforcefield-e.mp3
Reginod: "We have fired! They will be destroyed!"
Geordi: "They used their crimson force-field!"
Gredneblog: "It did not shoot!"
Geordi: "No, the crimson force-field has disarmed us."
Reginod: "They are smart."
Gredneblog: "We are not strong."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"They used their crimson force-field!" 
---------------------------------------------------------
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeFoGo3N_4g
Riker: "I'm First Officer William Riker of the U.S.S. Enterprise, we're responding to your distress signal."
Gredneblog: "Uh-huh."
Riker: "What is your problem?"
Gredneblog: "We are far from home."
Riker: "Aren't we all? But, you sent out a mayday?"
Gredneblog: "Uh-huh."
Riker: "Do you need help?"
Gredneblog: "We are Pakleds. Our ship is the Mondor. It is broken. We are far from home. We need help."
Geordi: "Let me guess, their rubber band broke, right?"
Data: "Sensors indicate engineering problems. They're experiencing total guidance system failure with less than 24 hours reserve power."
Geordi: "Maybe I can help?"
Riker: "What brings you so far from home?"
Gredneblog: "We look for things."
Riker: "What were you looking for?"
Gredneblog: "Things we need."
Riker: "Can you be more specific?"
Gredneblog: "Things that make us go."
-------------------------------------------------------------
http://tng.trekcore.com/audiocaps/2x17/2x17-fiction-e.mp3
Riker: "Where did they get their shields?"
Gredneblog: "Yes, we like shields."
Geordi: "Well, from what I've seen, half the systems onboard the ship have been stolen from the Romulans, Klingons, Jarada, just about anyone they've come in contact with."
Gredneblog: "We like to be smart."
Riker: "Confirm, Lieutenant La Forge. They steal technology..."
Data: "...But they lack the ability to use it properly."
Riker: "You're an excellent Chief Engineer, Lieutenant La Forge."
Geordi: "Thank you, sir."
Riker: "And, of course, your knowledge of phaser and photon weaponry is unmatched."
Geordi: "That's nice of you to say, sir, but, it's really Lieutenant Worf that--"
Riker: "Our missions are always inherently dangerous and any of us could be called on to make the ultimate sacrifice at any time."
Geordi: "Well, yes, sir, but..."
Riker: "Speaking of time, this may be your time. I shall personally miss you."
Data: "Good-bye, Geordi. I shall miss you at weapons system analysis."
Geordi: "Uh-huh. Uh, and I guess you'll just have to arm your photon torpedoes without me."
Data: "As well as our hydrogen collectors. Fond farewell."
Gredneblog: "He knows about weapons."
Reginod: "You can make us strong!"
Geordi: "Well, it's not something I really like to talk about."
Worf: "Any classified weapons knowledge you share with your captors will be considered treason."
Geordi: "But, I may have no choice!"
Worf: "You will die without honour!"
Geordi: "Thanks a lot, Worf."
Worf: "You will never reach the twenty-fourth level of awareness."
Geordi: "Twenty-four? That's quite a challenge."
Worf: "Indeed. Twenty-four is the gateway to heroic salvation."
---------------------------------------------------------------
http://tng.trekcore.com/audiocaps/2x17/2x17-teethareforchewing-e.mp3
Reginod: "We are strong!"
Geordi: "You're armed to the teeth!"
Gredneblog: "Teeth are for chewing."
Geordi: "You have photon torpedoes. You are strong!"
Gredneblog: "We are strong! We have power!"
----------------------------------------------------------------
http://tng.trekcore.com/audiocaps/2x17/2x17-crimsonforcefield-e.mp3
Reginod: "We have fired! They will be destroyed!"
Geordi: "They used their crimson force-field!"
Gredneblog: "It did not shoot!"
Geordi: "No, the crimson force-field has disarmed us."
Reginod: "They are smart."
Gredneblog: "We are not strong."
-----------------------------------------------------------
"They used their crimson force-field!"
"Seriously? I put alot of think into this thread and no byters?"
How many Pakleds does it take to change a light bulb?
Wait, what! Geordi promised that burned out light bulbs change themselves.
What do Pakleds eat for breakfast?
Anything they can find.
What do Pakleds eat for lunch?
Leftovers from breakfast.
What do Pakleds eat for dinner?
A combination of breakfast and lunch.
Why are Pakleds sterile?
Because even Jehovah knows not to fuck with Mother Nature.
Two Pakleds walk into a bar. The bartender greets them with, "And how can I help you two fine gents today?" One Pakled whispers to the other, "How did we end up in this surreal holodeck program?"
A Pakled accidentally beamed himself down to Earth and materialized in Maasailand surrounded by a pride of hungry lions. One lion asked another, "Are you goin' to eat him or am I?" Another lion replied with, "He's all yours. The last one I ate, I lost 7 IQ points. Now I think I'm a woodcarver." A third lion chimed in with, "That explains why you've be chasing and trying to catch that laser-generated red dot for the past few weeks that you seem to be the only that sees it." The first lion rejoins the conversation with, "I take that as a no. Besides, the worse thing that could happen is that I'll lose a few IQ points, then take up pre-ordering bitcoin miners as a hobby." Then, several other lions inquired of the first if he'll be interested in a group-meal to maximize their ROI.
Wait, what! Geordi promised that burned out light bulbs change themselves.
What do Pakleds eat for breakfast?
Anything they can find.
What do Pakleds eat for lunch?
Leftovers from breakfast.
What do Pakleds eat for dinner?
A combination of breakfast and lunch.
Why are Pakleds sterile?
Because even Jehovah knows not to fuck with Mother Nature.
Two Pakleds walk into a bar. The bartender greets them with, "And how can I help you two fine gents today?" One Pakled whispers to the other, "How did we end up in this surreal holodeck program?"
A Pakled accidentally beamed himself down to Earth and materialized in Maasailand surrounded by a pride of hungry lions. One lion asked another, "Are you goin' to eat him or am I?" Another lion replied with, "He's all yours. The last one I ate, I lost 7 IQ points. Now I think I'm a woodcarver." A third lion chimed in with, "That explains why you've be chasing and trying to catch that laser-generated red dot for the past few weeks that you seem to be the only that sees it." The first lion rejoins the conversation with, "I take that as a no. Besides, the worse thing that could happen is that I'll lose a few IQ points, then take up pre-ordering bitcoin miners as a hobby." Then, several other lions inquired of the first if he'll be interested in a group-meal to maximize their ROI.
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