The grammar, the whole text feel, in particular the part about the kitchen knives (unless these are katana's or 20-inch blades) - all that makes it look like a trolling act at best.
Don't you like to waffle on, lips are moving but nothing but hot air seems to be coming out.
It's very telling that the best retort you can come up with is a personal attack. Nothing interesting to see here.
Thanks for the laugh, where do you get this stuff? Do you just make it up as you go? How about a source for your claims? No wait, that would require you to deal with facts and we all know facts are just a conspiracy. Probably started by the Clinton and Obama supporters in the US anyway.