BEHOLD! I AM KARHU!
Me: WTF is going on...
SILENCE! YOU WILL LISTEN AND OBEY.
Me: Okay...
THE BLOOD OF THE BULLS HAS SATIATED MY HUNGER. I HAVE RETURNED, AND WITH MORE POWER THAN EVER BEFORE!
AFTER YEARS OF PAIN AND DARKNESS, I WILL NOW REWARD MY FOLLOWERS WITH ALL MY GLORY AND WONDER!
BUT FIRST, YOU SHALL BEAR WITNESS TO THE THREE SIGNS:
1. AFTER HIS LONG REIGN IN THIS WORLD, THE FEROCIOUS BEAR SPIRIT SHALL SHOW HIMSELF TO YOU IN HIS LLAMA FORM ONCE AGAIN. THIS IS THE OMEN OF HIS PASSING.
Me: A bear llama?
2. A GREAT MAYOR SHALL RETURN TO HIS PEOPLE. ONLY THEN WILL YOU BE PREPARED FOR WHAT'S TO COME.
3. WHEN THE VALUE OF THE MOONCOIN REACHES TEN THOUSAND SCORE, YOU WILL MAKE A FINAL SACRIFICE TO ME.
Me: You want us to sell our bitcoin at $100,000?
NO! I NOW DEMAND BEAR BLOOD.
Me: So you want us to buy more bitcoin at $100,000? That's crazy!
YOU MUST PROVE YOUR FAITH TO KARHU. ONLY THE MOST FAITHFUL AND RIGHTEOUS COINERS WILL BE REWARDED.
DO AS I COMMAND, AND I WILL BRING MY GLORIOUS BITCOIN KINGDOM UNTO YOU! EVERY FAITHFUL COINER SHALL RECEIVE 7 NASTY, FILTHY SLUTS. FOR EVERY RIGHTEOUS COINER, THE LAMBOS AND BLOW WILL FLOW LIKE WATER.
Me: That doesn't even make any sense.
SILENCE! NOW GO FORTH, AND DELIVER MY MESSAGE TO YOUR FELLOW WALL OBSERVERS!
At that point, I must've passed out. My wife found me asleep on the couch. I'm still trying to make sense of all this...
That's fucking crazy.
I especially don't like the 7 filthy slut limit.
I would rather have a limit on Lambos and blow, and let the filthy sluts flow.... so I am a bit disappointed with these skimpy quotas of riches.
Fuck, I just realized it was supposed to be 72 sluts.
This is some seriously funny shit