If you've been waiting on your chance to get in on the ground floor of bitcoin 2.0, here it is.
22, Inc burst into existence about six minutes ago, and already is transforming the cryptocurrency scene forever.
What we propose to do is create the next essential layer on top of bitcoin that will enable full transaction reversibility and full regulatory compliance.
We will be the Mastercard and the PayPal of bitcoin, all in one.
How can we make these crazy claims? Because they are demonstrateably true! I'm not sure if I spelled demonstrateably right. I'm typing this on a mobile and if you accidentally misspell a word once, the autocorrdct totally locks onto that fucked up spelling.
But 22, Inc. can't change that.
What we can change is the scary and threatening online landscape of cryptocurrency.
We propose no less than the following:
- We will create an entirely new Cryptocurrency, tentatively titled the "bitdollar".
- The bit dollar will be fundamentally everything that bitcoin is not: fully centralized, and fully reversible. There will be no mining of the bitdollar. Instead, all bitdollars will be awarded to the company in the Genesis block and nodes will immediately begin garnering rewards in a transaction fee based economy.
- The client will be partially decentralized, just like a human body or government. Nodes will be trusted to process transactions but 22, Inc. will retain master control over the blocks and must verify each block before it becomes part of the chain. There is a three day processing time for each successful block before 22, Inc. permanently writes it to the ledger. This may create some technical hurdles having nodes working on blocks that they aren't even sure will ever be valid. But we will hire some smart guys to figure that part out.
- Why should anyone value bitdollars? Because we will back up every ten bit dollars we issue into the economy with one bitcoin, to be held in our cold storage ultra-vault. This way bitdollar will *always* keep parity with bitcoin. As well, we may obtain other assets in the future that we can use as a foundation to issue bitdollars with.
- How will we be profitable? Easy. Consumers will naturally prefer the peace of mind that bitdollars carry, and merchants will adore our mandatory arbitration practices that will put the fees those merchants pay us to work arbitrating various arbitrational arbits. We'll also be taking a percentage of all transaction fees earned from all nodes in the network.
- Bitdollars will have inherent value that is undeniable because again, we are issuing them against bitcoins. So it's not an issue of whether people will want to use bitdollars; as we slowly buy up the supply of bitcoin and store it in our vaults, consumers will eventually be forced into the bitdollar standard.
- Because of these facts we predict massive returns within the first few years of operation and to eventually become one of the most valuable companies on Earth.
- We are located near to the hub of bitcoin central, the tech awash San Francisco Valley in an apartment I will be renting when I move there next week. Also, I need to find out if San Francisco is in a valley.
- We are in the process of securing venture capital. We actually aren't really incorporated yet, it just sounds a lot cooler than 22 by itself.
- We are in the process of hiring for all positions, including management, software design, regulatory compliance, catering, reception, marketing, graphic design, and cartography. Currently we employ one part time CEO (me) but I'm considering bumping my work schedule up to full time as needed. Shareholders will he delighted to find that my annual salary is a scant $1 and my own fortunes come entirely from 22, Inc. success.
- We will be reaching out in coming months to prestigious financial institutions around the world, including Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan, Mastercard, PayPal, and more for venture capital and integration with existing businesses. Our goal is not to replace existing payment structures, but give them an easy way to continue existing while building on top of bitcoins eventual dominance. There is a good chance of being bought out very quickly, at which point, all investors who have invested will receive commensurate returns.... Or whatever. I've never done this before. That's why I'm gonna use some of the money you give me to hire a guy who has.
- That's the kind of leadership you can trust. A wise king knows what he knows, and he knows what he does not know.
- We are now looking for qualified investors to pledge for our first round of venture capital. Your first round of venture capital will be used to hire someone who understands how to legally accept venture capital, so I and the shareholders don't get arrested by the SEC.
- As you can see, 22, Inc. aims for full regulatory compliance.
So what are you waiting for? Do you have a million or two sitting around, *not* earning incredible returns? What if that million dollars makes you a billionaire? Do you have maybe $50,000? What about a solid Hamilton? Come on, stop being cheap. This is the opportunity of both of our lifetimes.
22, Inc: Infinite possibilities, and we pack more infinity between zero and one than other companies do in their entire range of numbers.
Fuck, we probably need to hire a slogan guy too.
One step at time. This company is only like fifteen minutes old, after all. We'll get there.
Together.
