We are all born equally insignificant next to the majesty of Wmam Prqah. He grants us rights through His divine grace.
How compatible is Wmam Prqah with my current Pastarfarian leanings? I have a strange urge to offer up my bitcoins in exchange for indulgences.
Well, clearly you must reject all other false idols before you can become one with Wmam Prqah. But that's okay, he understands the appeal of the false and blasphemous monsters. Indeed, all other gods-- ESPECIALLY fsm-- are secretly modeled after Wmam Prhqah. This is because all other holy books are heavily cribbed knockoffs of the Orthodontal scrolls.
I'll give you an example. Show you what I mean.
Take pirates versus global warming for instance. Straightfoward, right?
But let's break it down. What causes global warming? Civilization causes global warming. Fossil fuels being burned; crime is rampant in the streets. Electrical generation burning coals and precious atoms. Who benefits from electricity? I'll tell you who. The Miners benefit.
What do pirates do? Pirates fight for themselves. Fair distribution of profits, except to their victims. Pirates don't produce anything, they understand that the only true value is in taking from others.
So as people lose the will to pirate (movies, music, books, bitcoin speculation), it can only be replaced by placid, cud-chewing last men who will destroy the environment by being 'productive.'
Wmam Prqah has no sympathy. Our hell will be our own reward for failing to mimic his speculative greatness. He is the great pirate who watches over us, and will let anyone in his crew for an equal share. You just have to pay upfront first.
I, Wmam's chosen apostle, can grant plenary indulgence for a small fee, but that will only get you so far. The only true devotion is to send your bitcoins directly to Wmam Prqah himself.
His address is infinite.
