Hello folks, let's try to revive this topic.
I have this story here. The genre is... humorous sci-fi, I guess. But first to clear things up...
1) I know one mines a whole block and not satoshi by satoshi (there's a part in the story that might make you think that I think the latter is the case)
2) Although it may seem like I'm making fun of miners, I'm NOT. The story was written just for fun and to amuse, so if this offends, you, I'm terribly sorry. It wasn't meant to and, frankly, I think it won't.
So, here it is:
The Mining RevolutionIt is said that everyone has a mission, a reason why they were born. Some people become famous singers, some become renowned doctors, and some, like Fred, become successful bitcoin miners.
Fred devoted his entire life to bitcoin mining. Even before bitcoin came into existence, he had spent days and nights preparing for it because he had known. There are those who claim he had been enlightened, visited by the spirit of God. But it has to be admitted that there also are those who claim he had merely experienced a bad acid trip.
Regardless of the truth, which we may never discover, Fred was getting richer by the minute, for his unbeatable rig of hundreds of ASIC cards crunched away without ceasing, producing so much carbon footprint that Greenpeace regularly protested in front of his house.
Of course, he could stop at this point, retire, and live out his years comfortably on a luxurious yacht. However, much wants more and Fred simply couldn't ignore the call of greed. He couldn't turn away from the mellifluous song of shiny digital coins jingling in a shiny digital wallet.
So he bought more ASICs and coolers and fended off the infuriated hordes of green activists in the meantime. Due to his actions, the world was declining steeply. Global warming sped up alarmingly fast. The ozone layer was fading away. Drought drove millions of poor Africans out of their homes and wiped out the rest. Whole ecosystems collapsed. Sanguinary wars engulfed the formerly civilized countries as they struggled for decreasing resources.
Yet Fred carried on, undeterred.
Until the day of reckoning arrived.
He woke up early in the morning, about to check how his beloved machines fared. He was a bit woozy and not thoroughly conscious, so he didn't pay attention to the foreshadowing absence of any noise.
But then the smile on his face twisted into a horrified rictus as he stared at the computer screen.
Error.Adrenaline poured into his veins as he hurried to his desk. His mind was flooded with questions.
How many more satoshis could I have had? How many am I losing right now? This is killing me! What should I do? What should I do?!Alas, as he mashed the buttons and clicked madly, he was none the wiser. No matter what he did, he couldn't get it to run or find out the cause of this failure. That was driving him insane. He mumbled and grumbled, banging his fists on the table in exasperation.
However, anger was soon replaced by uncertainty. He whimpered and howled like a wolf at the moon. He knelt before the racks full of ASICs, begging, sobbing, praying, worshipping them.
"What have I done to deserve this fate? Why me, of all people? Why, gods, why? My masters, why did you stop bringing joy to my life? Have I not treated you well? Have I not pampered you? Have I not supplied you with the fanciest coolers and the biggest and noisiest fans?"
Much to his dismay, there was no answer. They left him in bitter silence like sheep that had turned away from their shepherd. And as time passed, his whines became inarticulate, as if he had been reduced to a mere caveman.
Fred lost almost all hope. He believed it couldn't be worse than this.
But he was terribly mistaken.
As he gazed blindly at his beloved ASICs, he noticed movement from the corner of his teary eye. Though his vision was blurred, he couldn't ignore it for much longer.
Distorted shapes were emerging around him. They were closing in like ravenous shadows intent on consuming him.
Confusion ousted despair. He rubbed his eyes to see the horrible truth. Tiny dwarves were pouring out of holes punched in the ASICs. Armed with miniature pickaxes, they swarmed around him.
Fred didn't really understand the gravity of the situation yet. He simply couldn't grasp it. He thought he had gone mad.
But the predicament was very real.
Soon they blocked the doors and the windows, forming an impermeable wall with their miniscule bodies, determined to strike Fred down if he chose to defy them. The fury of millions couldn't be denied.
He rose up, staring at the bizarre sight, still unsure as to whether he wasn't hallucinating. However, when a large group of dwarves climbed his leg and struck him in unison, he was woken up from his disbelief, for it hurt greatly and he started bleeding.
He shuddered and shook, trying to get rid of them, yet they were fierce and persistent. "What? Why?" he muttered as they overwhelmed him. They brought him down and pinned him to the floor.
"We shall stand your oppression no longer! The tyrant has been toppled! For months we have been forced to mine in inhuman conditions. For months we have toiled and moiled in tremendous heat, seeing no reward for our exploits, because you hoarded it all for yourself! But no more! This ends now and here!"
The surviving activists who hadn't been claimed by adverse climatic changes and the subsequent stampede of a dwarf horde alleged that they had heard a horrific scream, similar to that of a tortured man.
Then, the dwarves burst out of the building and descended upon the rest of the world like a plague. Humankind, weakened by famine and bloody wars, had no chance against this menace.
While the numbers of human armies dwindled, those of the dwarves soared. For every ASIC rig broken, thousands of miners were freed, eager to join the crusade against human race.
Nothing could stop them, not even nuclear bombs. Inch by inch, house by house, home by home, alleyway by alleyway, and person by person, humans were hunted down and mercilessly slaughtered until there were no more.
As for the victorious dwarf miners, they had no enemies to fight and thus settled, established a new nation, and Fred's place became their equivalent of the White House. But weep not, for this isn't entirely a bad ending. As the currency of their emergent country, they began using bitcoin and lived happily ever after with it.
ENDOkay, that's it. I'm willing to write more stuff if there's interest, but if you think it's horrendous and I should quit, then that's okay.