Topic: I Just Need To Get It Out - page 5. (Read 3270 times)

I went to college when I was 16, but I found someone willing to give me a ride for a smoke out and some gas, so I ran away from home and was thrown back into high school.
I graduated highschool (with a full diploma and all my credits) from a juvenile detention center.
I don't really get hungry any more, I just feel like smoking weed.
I know I am going to spend at least 2 years, if not much much more, of my life in jail, not because I am an immoral person (and I am not), but because we live in a country where "equality" means "You can be free as long as you act like everyone else".
My whole life I was a lone child, being handled, challenged, hunted, captured and persecuted by entire organizations, both judicial and executive. They trained me to be a legal mind.
I spent more time in jail than in highschool for the 3 years I got to be in highschool.
I don't drink much anymore (just socially), because I did all my drinking when I was 15-16. I even had to go to AA, and all we did there was find people to drink with.
I had a probation officer tell me: "I don't want you in Mckinney, I don't want you in Denton, I don't want you in Texas, I don't want you in Mexico... I want you in jail."
I feel as if marijuana is my father. It has put me in situations and taught me more about the world than any male role model.
I have had a gun in my face, simply for asking for weed in the wrong neighborhood. They even stole the car.
I have had a gun in my face because my friend had trusted someone he had known since kindergarten. Showed him where we hid our weed, and he brought a big Mexican to come pull a gun, get us on the ground and grab it.
 

My brother died 2 weeks ago.
I could have saved him, because I knew what to do, but my family didn't and I wasn't there.
I have been in and out of jail since I was 14 for nothing more than simple marijuana smoking and possession (I lived in the richest county in Texas, and their money comes from the judicial system).
I am treated like a "mad scientist" even by my own family, because I enjoy herbology and creating my own extractions. Even though my family uses the same ones, they just buy them pre made.
I've never had more than $900 in my life because banks don't give loans to kids, or really anyone any more. And I can't get a job with my history, in this economy.
My parents got a divorce when I was 5.
My step mom told me that I can never even ask her to buy me underwear.
My step dad makes plenty of money (oil and gas man), and knows how the economy is, and pays for all his other kids to go to college, but I have to struggle to get YouTube checks while I apply for jobs all over Denver.
My little brother who died is the only one who would have loved to do what I have planned. I have plans for anyone in my family who wishes to be involved in my life, but he had the most potential, and now he is dead.
I taught both of my little brothers how to walk, and now one of them is dead.
I feel like I lost a child that was mine.