'ideal difficulty' is 'as high as possible'
the basic idea is, the higher the difficulty, the higher the value of a bitcoin, therefore the lower the min fee has to be to discourage dust spam. that's all. we don't really need to know about 'ideal difficulty' and things like that. e.g., just say, starting from now, for every X% difficulty increase, minimum tx fee will go down by X% (or some such).
Ok, "as high as possible" is close enough. So, what would that mean in practice? The largest sustainable amount of wealth that the community could throw at mining? The current block award of 50btc is 0.0008% of the total number of bitcoins currently in circulation. Of course, with lost bitcoins, this percentage is actually higher. So everyone holding bitcoins is subsidizing mining by this amount via inflation. That's a drop in value of 0.000008 btc for each btc in circulation. This percentage declines as the number of bitcoins in circulation rises.
I could imagine normalizing difficulty increases for Moore's law (to get a truer reflection of difficulty increases attributable to increasing bitcoin prices vs difficulty increases due to more computing power available at a lower price). You could use something like 2^(blkNum/105120) for this normalization (105120 is approximately the number of blocks created in 2 years). After normalizing for increasing hardware power, you then need to look at the question of how the average block reward should be levered to increasing bitcoin prices (is the relationship between price and difficulty linear after factoring out Moore's law? i.e. if the price doubles, is the difficulty expected to double assuming hardware prices and power remain constant?). Assuming a linear relationship between price and normalized difficulty, for a doubling of the price of bitcoins, how would you affect the average block award (in bitcoin terms)? Cut it by 12.5%, 25%, something else? I think you'd want to cut it by less than 50% if price doubles...you still want the increasing price to result in increasing block awards. One the block award is determined, clients could look at the average number of transactions and the current generation award level to determine the minimum fee. While there is still a 50btc generation reward, the formula could work out such that the minimum transaction fee would be zero. But when the generation award drops to 25btc, the minimum fee could be something non-zero and based on this function and designed to replace some, but not all, of the 25btc that is no longer being awarded in the generation transaction.