[gleeful trolling of gold bugs]
The US Marshals easily confiscated DPR's significant amounts of BTC. If he buried some gold in the mountains, they'll never know about it.
An Ultrasound Gold Bullion Tester sells for $350 on eBay. An old fashioned acid test kit is under $20. If that's not "cheap" you aren't in the target demographic for gold ownership.
Gold is legal tender in Utah, Missouri, and Arizona. Central banks give and take gold in real commerce. Remember when Dr Paul made Bernanke look like even more of a foolish chump than ever before (
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NJnL10vZ1Y)?Retail gold investment trade flourishes in the BRICs and PIIGS. The jewelery industry alone dwarfs Bitcoin's entire market cap by an order of magnitude.
http://www.gold.org/jewelleryDemand for gold jewellery added US$70 billion to the global economy in 2012, and accounted for nearly half of global demand for gold.
Rooted deeply in a diverse tapestry of cultural traditions the aspiration to own and give gold in the form of jewellery transcends generations and national boundaries. The three largest markets for gold jewellery, China, India, and the US, each accord it a unique cultural significance. Acquiring jewellery is connected to celebrations, relationships, self-expression, and hopes for the future in these countries.
Air Force ejection seat survival kits have gold coins, not paper wallets or fiat, for good reasons. When you need to bribe your way past a JBT to get to safety, he's not going to go on blockchain.info and wait for confirmations.
The internet doesn't need to go down everywhere to make crypto cash illiquid. It only needs to fail where you happen to be (see Murphy's Law).
Tungsten-tainted coins don't make gold less fungible, as they explicitly do not meet the 'identical' requirement. I think you'd be better off arguing 'but but conflict metals' on that point.
Cheers Doc!
PS There are billions of people in Vietnam, Thailand, India, Pakistan, China, Bangladesh, etc. who have successfully used gold to attract mates via display of financial capacity, and provide for ensuing families, for thousands of years. It was the same in the Occident, until the banksters took over fairly recently. We still prefer gold wedding bands, and our language continues to teem with examples of gold being used as a metaphor for value.