mid december..so we should expect delivery in 4 days or so
For a limited time only I will share the secrets of my pickaxe revenue boosting system. We all know that mining gold is getting harder and a pickaxe in February is probably only worth $1 per gigarock. Honestly it is probably worth less than that but gold miners have gold fever and you can find enough people willing to pay $1 per gigarock in February. Still is it your fault that you can't delivery until February and thus are limited to only $1 per GH/s (probably 1000% gross markup)? Now some honest suckers might say "sorry you are going to have to live with "only" $10M in gross revenue for a couple months work".
You know what I say .... that is stupid honest sucker talk. Don't listen to it for a second. I am going to show you how you can double the $10M into $20M without delivering more or earlier. Just free bonus money.See the first thing you do is promise to deliver the pickaxes in December and mark them up from $1 per gigarock to a much more profitable $3 per gigarock.
Now you might be confused because you already know your pickaxes won't be ready until February so how can you promise December delivery? It is what we in the creative pickaxing business call "telling your customers what they want to hear to get the moneyz", I have heard that honest suckers might call it lying, or fraud but I wouldn't know. Now this plan isn't for everyone, if you are looking for an honest profit where both you and your customers benefit then you should probably stop reading because this plan isn't for you. Also if you are in that category want to buy some cheap pickaxes?
Ok are all the honest suckers gone now? Good now lets get down to business. So instead of selling pickaxes in February for $1 per gigarock the revenue boosting secret is to pretend you will have them in Dec and offer them for $3 per gigarock. We will "limit" this to half a million pickaxes. We want to make it seem limited. Nobody want to pay a premium and be at the end of the line. Now if you get lucky some large group like CryptPicking ("always bet on Peta") will do a lot of the work for you and buy about half of those early pickaxes. Now just sell the other half retail. Now some of those customers might be cautious so if sales are slow then give away some of the pickaxes for free as "protection". Hang on trust me it will be worth it, these "free" pickaxes aren't going to make us a fortune at the expense of the customers who trust us. See if the customers don't trust us they won't buy regardless but if they trust us but are worried about difficulty then the free pickaxes will seal the deal. So reserve 800K pickaxes for the PPP (Pickaxe Protection Plan).
Now you should know that after all this plays out as you know it will, your rep is ruined, so lets double down. Your customers might not know you can't deliver on time but you do so don't hold anything back. You might as well offer "Jan" pickaxes you can't deliver either! I mean if you are going to defraud one batch of customers why not defraud two for twice the profit and twice the fun? So sell off the rest of your February pickaxes as "January" pickaxes and offer a deal of only $8 per gigarock (for a $1 per gigarock pickaxe). See it is a "deal" it isn't as horribly bad as the first batch?
Now stop a second and just think about the beauty of it. We only have one box of February pickaxes. That is it, yet with some creative pickaxing we have now sold two batches at different price points. Some customers probably agonized over which was the better deal and they are all coming out of the same box! ROFL! I mean all we have are February pickaxes, some just have an Dec sticker and some have a Jan sticker.
See who says you can have fun making millions?
So lets punch this into the ole pickaxe calculator. The honest promise and delivery in February at a reasonable price nets us $10 million in revenue, but with some creative pickaxing we can still ship the same number of pickaxes at the same time but DOUBLE OUR REVENUE! Don't believe me? Here is the creative math. Honest (sucker) February delivery: 3.3 million pickaxes @ $1 per gigarock = ~$10M. Creative Pickaxe Super Sales System: 0.5 million (promised for Dec) * $3 + 0.8 million * $0 (protection plan promised when we feel like it) + 2 million * $8 ("cheaper" batch 2 promised for Jan) = ~$20 million.
Both methods sell out our 3.3 million pickaxes.
Both methods don't ship until February (or maybe a few days prior).
The creative one makes twice as much money.
Now do you see the magic of creative pickaxing? Well the bad news is if you want to get technical there is no such thing as something for nothing; this is just a wealth transfer from your customers to you under false pretenses (lawyers might call that fraud). They never had a chance at getting units before February so $10M extra for "early" delivery is just a $10M reduction in net profit. With mining margins as tight as they are that will be enough to push them into the red.
See they are paying $20M for pickaxes which really are only worth $10M because ... and this is the funny part ... they actually believed you when you said Dec and Jan delivery. What a bunch of suckers. Of course the only downside is you have to deal with "whiners" who get mad when their Dec & Jan pickaxes doesn't arrive until February. You can't really blame them I mean the high priced pickaxes only make economical sense for the easier Dec rocks. $3 axe in Dec = profit. $1 axe in Janaury = profit. $3 axe in February = profit (well profit for us and massive losses for them). That is why the Pickaxes were only worth $1 per gigarock in February, but if we had sold them as February pickaxes we would have only made $1 per gigarock and that just isn't fair. It isn't fair other companies were faster and thus were able to charge more. I mean $10M with 1000% gross markup how many yachts can you buy with that. The funniest part is many of your victims did the math and made all the right calculations. They never would have paid $3 per gigarock for a February pickaxes because they KNEW it would be a loss. Still with the ole switcheroo you can trick them to.
They have now absolutely no hope of even breaking even. If you start to feel bad about all the loses your customers are taking and the fact that it was completely avoidable by being honest (and accepting a fair price for a fair product), just buy another sports car, or snort some more premium blow off an expensive hooker. Nobody said creative pickaxing was going to be easy, but a "bonus" $10M should help your guilty conscience.