Using phrases like dictatorial control is just gonna turn most people off, and they'll just think of you as "that guy".
I said "almost dictatorial control" which is a big difference. I'm exaggerating, sure, but I didn't go overboard by saying something crazy like "I hate those fascistic vampire dictatorial banks". So if they share the sentiment at all with me I think my message should hit home pretty good.
I appreciate the effort, but unfortunately that message has too many trigger words and phrases that make me think spam right away. It would be ideal if you could partner up with a copywriter or someone that would polish it up into a fine sales piece. I'm pretty sure my email filter would block it based on heuristic analysis, but with some tweaking it could sail right to the top of an enterprise and become gold.
Lend us a hand rjk. Teach us thy golden pen methods that we can improve.
Why is it everytime I speak polish my arms get sore.
Well, I'm not the best writer myself, I just can see how it might not fly the first time.
Maybe some of the following would help:
Referring to "I" and "personally", and offering to "share" it with me sounds somewhat similar to diet pill spam.
Noting that the email "sounds highly spam-worthy" isn't necessary.
Although fees are annoying, they are a part of daily business life and should be approached carefully. It is not fee-free for a merchant to use Bitcoin if they want to convert it to USD. And most merchants will wonder what they are missing out on service-wise if the fee is suddenly "eliminated". Who will answer the phone when there is a problem, if there are no fees to pay an employee to answer it? Get inside the business owner's head and think the way he does.
One of "those" open-source projects - sounds a bit dismissive, even if it wasn't intended that way.
Personal information - most businesses are trained to collect this anyway, regardless of whether you give it to the payment processor or not. They may feel outside their comfort zone not knowing who a customer is.
And so forth.