Topic: Improve my article (Read 3851 times)

I published it.

http://theanarchistmother.blogspot.com/2011/01/guest-post-solution-to-dollar.html

I bet you didn't know I was a woman. Ah, I labeled it guest post, can't fool anyone I guess.

Bitcoin is a more modern solution. Bitcoins are not dug out of the ground; they are found when computers solve a math problem that validates Bitcoin transactions and prevents double spending. Individuals can use their computers to help process transactions.

There are only two ways to get bitcoins: contribute resources to the network or provide goods or services that people with bitcoins want. There are no privileged users, and there's no backdoor access to free coins.

The number of new bitcoins issued in return for processing transactions decreases gradually to nothing over the next 120 years resulting in a fixed limit of 21 million bitcoins. At some point the low reward of new coins will not be a sufficient incentive for participation in the processing network. Users have the option of attaching a fee to transactions for faster processing. That fee goes to those working to process transactions.

Bitcoins are divisible. The Bitcoin software shows the familiar two digits for cents, but a bitcoin really has precision to the hundred millionths place. A Coke costs about 3 bitcoins now, but maybe in the future one will cost .003 bitcoins.

Sending and receiving bitcoins is easy. The Bitcoin software creates receiving addresses for you; you give an address to the payer and wait for them to send coins. Once you have coins, you can pay by copying and pasting the recipient's receiving address and entering the amount you want to pay. You do not need to be online to receive coins; they will be waiting for you. Payments can be anonymous, but aren't by default, just like cash could be anonymous if you were very careful. Payments cannot be revoked.

Payments appear to the recipient immediately after they are made, but it takes 10 minutes on average for the network to confirm that the coins now belong to the recipient's address. Bitcoin's design confirms transactions repeatedly. Each confirmation means that the transaction has been accepted deeper into the permanent record. A transaction with six or more confirmations is extremely secure; this takes about an hour.

When the Bitcoin software makes a receiving address for you it also produces a corresponding key which it holds in a file on your computer. While you will never see this key, it is what enables only your software to spend your coins. If this file is lost the coins can never be spent. If this file is stolen the coins can be spent by the thief. If you use Bitcoin seriously you should back this file up and keep your computer free of viruses. Bitcoin banks exist that can manage your bitcoins for you.

bitcoin.org - information, discussion, list of merchants and exchanges, and the official Bitcoin download link
bitcoinme.com - introductory information
mybitcoin.com - bank
mtgox.com - buy and sell


The bold section is brand new. I moved the one sentence paragraphs into an earlier paragraph. I elaborated on confirmations.

All incorporated except this one. The sentence is wrong as it is, but the correction makes it seem like the confirmations themselves are safe somehow. What I mean to say is that once your transaction has six confirmations the transaction is safely embedded in the record. It seems I answered my question. I'll clean that up and put it in.

Say "computers" and it's good.

Revised bitcoin section:

Bitcoin is a more modern solution. Bitcoins are not dug out of the ground; they are found when computers solve a math problem that validates Bitcoin transactions and prevents double spending. Individuals can use their computer to help process transactions.

There are only two ways to get bitcoins: contribute resources to the network or provide goods or services that people with bitcoins want. There are no privileged users, and there's no backdoor access to free coins.

The number of new bitcoins issued in return for processing transactions decreases gradually to nothing over the next 120 years resulting in a fixed limit of 21 million bitcoins. At some point the low number of new coins alone will not be a sufficient incentive for participation in the processing network. Users will have the option to attach a fee to a transaction for faster processing. That fee goes to those working to process transactions.

Bitcoins are divisible. The Bitcoin software shows the familiar two digits for cents, but a bitcoin really has precision to the hundred millionths place. A Coke costs about 3 bitcoins now, but maybe in the future one will cost .003 bitcoins.

Sending and receiving bitcoins is easy. The Bitcoin software creates receiving addresses for you; you give an address to the payer and wait for them to send coins. Once you have coins, you can pay by copying and pasting the recipient's receiving address and entering the amount you want to pay.

Payments cannot be revoked.

Payments appear to the recipient immediately after they are made, but it takes 10 minutes on average for the network to confirm that the coins now belong to the recipient's address. Bitcoin's design confirms transactions repeatedly, six confirmations is considered absolutely safe; this takes about an hour.

You do not need to be online to receive coins; they will be waiting for you.

Payments can be anonymous, but aren't by default, just like cash could be anonymous if you were very careful.

Should I say anything about the wallet file and keeping it safe? Maybe I'll say that and suggest mybitcoin, so anyone bothered by that sees an immediate solution.

Does "Individuals can use their computer to help processes transactions." sound okay?

I don't want to pick a gender and I want to keep the idea that a single person can join no questions asked, no permissions. 

Thanks, theymos. I've fixed the ones I haven't deleted completely.

This is the new non-bitcoin portion. There are new sentences so certainly new errors.

I'm unsure, in general, when to re-use a word and when to use a pronoun. Obviously if there can be any confusion I want the word again, but I don't want to be bland sounding.


Money is the lube that keeps our society turning. It has been used in primitive and modern societies; it emerges naturally out of barter economies to better facilitate exchanges of goods. It helps us keep track of who has done work and is entitled to have some done for them in return.

You can get money for doing anything that anyone finds valuable, from dish-washing to designing space-rockets. You'll know that you're helping someone since they wouldn't part with any of their limited cash otherwise. Each exchange keeps the value of a dollar afloat. If nobody were willing to exchange, then they'd be useless strips of paper.

There is a nice balance here: you do some work, some work is done for you. Thanks to the durability and mobility of money, these trades don't have to be with the same person or on the same day or even in the same year. By using money we can specialize in whatever we most love or excel. Using money enables us to work extra now and save our efforts for a vacation or retirement.

This could be the end of the story. But, unfortunately, our current money is easily-printed paper and easily-created computer bits. There are people who don't need to do work in order to get money; they just summon more into existence. This means they take from the pool of goods and services without putting goods and services back in. The effect is that more money chases fewer goods and services.

This is why you can't get a Coke for 5 cents anymore. It isn't because it's gotten harder to make a Coke, it hasn't. Every step in the process has been made more efficient many times over. The difference is that in 1950 the money supply was $135 billion and today it is roughly $13 trillion. That's about a hundred times larger. Efficiency gains are the reason Coke doesn't cost $5 per bottle. It's worth noting that in some areas, like computing, gains in efficiency come so fast that prices fall despite the rate at which new money is pumping in. Falling prices are not a problem for producers or consumers; rather they are are a good and natural result of innovation.

How can we keep our efficiency gains from being bled away by money-printers? It's a big problem, but there are solutions.

Gold has a long history as a money, and for good reason. Gold is limited in supply; getting new gold requires actually doing work digging it up, and eventually even that will no longer be possible. Gold is compact; you can probably put your lifetime wages in a backpack. It is easy to identify because it doesn't tarnish and it's denser than almost every other element (watch out for tungsten). Unfortunately, if you want to sell your hand knit coffee mug cozies for gold, your customer is going to have to break their gold coin into tiny pieces and mail one to you. You'll probably end up settling for dollars via PayPal and buying the gold yourself (if gold is what you want). While a system for trading in gold could be arranged, it's hard to get started on your own.


edit: forgot the gold paragraph, it hasn't changed much.

Good pitch. It's more accurate than BitcoinMe, and it's also written better. There are many grammatical errors, however.


The comma after "do it" should be a colon.


someone, too, since


After all, unless


and services, they

Also, "they" is ambiguous -- it could refer to either the people or the dollars.


Replace the comma with a colon. Also, to me the "there's" seems to refer to the previous sentence, which sounds odd. Use "that's" to refer to the previous sentence or "there is" or "there exists" to refer to a fact.


done for you, and, thanks to money


I'd write "easily-printed" and "easily-created".


Replace the comma with a colon, em dash, or semicolon.


Replace the comma with a colon, em dash, or semicolon.


Replace the comma with a period.


Replace the comma with a semicolon. (A few joining words like "rather" after the semicolon would also look nice.)


I'd say "money-printers", though I don't think this is required.

(I'm looking at your revised version for the rest.)


Replace the comma with a colon, em dash, or semicolon.


"Anyone" is singular, but "their" is plural. Replace "their" with "he", or replace "anyone" with "people" and make the sentence plural.

(I do this same thing in informal writing, but you wanted to see all errors...)


Specify that the fee is attached to transactions.


3 bitcoins now, but maybe in the future


Users should not be encouraged to rely on a single confirmation. It's not that hard to reverse a transaction with only one confirmation: ArtForz or slush could do it easily.


Replace the comma with a colon, em dash, or semicolon.

Wow, those links are good. There is so much in there! I need to learn and learn and come back in 10 years  

I like your rewrites. I'm going to work off of them instead of what I had.

I don't like the binding-glue. I think of money more as lube. But also as a signal and unit of account. "Money is useful" is far too generic, that's gone, but now I don't know how I want to open.

Will do, Bitcoinme is a nice site. I'm thinking of rearranging the link paragraph at the end to be a list and a little more comprehensive.

I would reference bitcoinme.com in your list of sites, it tends to be the easiest site for someone who is new to bitcoins to relate to.

I also like your article, well done! I think it is one of the best introduction to Bitcoin, because the most of current articles is concerning to technical details of project too much.

I meant to get rid of the BTC use, since it was only in one place, but I see now I missed one. Should I use BTC or stick with bitcoin? 

That's good to hear, I was thinking of redoing it, but I don't know how to do it that isn't overly dry or bullying sounding.


Yeah, it's hard to read it from the perspective of not knowing anything at all.

Really minor stuff:

1) furnature = furniture

2) .003BTC = .003 BTC

I really like the style. The intro is funny and ironic, as though you have to explain this thing called money and why you might want some. The reader is in on the joke, and this invites him in and makes him receptive. I wouldn't change the informal tone.

I can't judge the second part because I know Bitcoin too well. You need feedback from people who've never heard of it.

Thanks guys, I'm going to keep working on it using your suggestions. Keep 'em coming.

I Recommend this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tony1/How_to_improve_your_writing

Also:
http://www.crockford.com/wrrrld/style.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Writing_better_articles

Words like "to recap", "sometimes" are filler.

When writing about an object, it's best to be specific rather than hand wavingly generalising.


Too much rhetorical questioning followed by money is this, money is that. Needs to be clearer.


"Of course you have to" is fluff. Stylistic change but I prefer attaching "takes effort" (some is again fluff) to the first sentence and placing the emphasis on But.
"To get money takes effort. However there are innumerable methods to do so; washing dishes, painting fences, design jet engines, ..."

I'd copy-edit those two paragraphs as:

Haven't got time to edit the rest, but read those 3 articles to learn how to write better. There's a lot of filler, unclear generationalisation, non-specific referencing (some X'es-- which X'es do you mean?) and meandering in that text which doesn't seem very professional nor easy to read.

I personnaly like what Satoshi wrote in P2Pfoundation (http://p2pfoundation.net/bitcoin):

Just one more:


"Processes" should be "process".


Why not append the sentence "Feel free to steal this article and use it however you like."