Topic: The joke thread. - page 2. (Read 2359 times)
Try searching for Chuck Norris on Google and you'll end up with a lock-jaw.
How about this, Goat- Slayer thingy.
Distressed woman: "Help help I've just been raped by an idiot!!"
Police Officer: "How do you know he was an idiot?"
Distressed woman: "I had to tell him what to do."
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Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"
Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"
Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!".
"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"
Police Officer: "How do you know he was an idiot?"
Distressed woman: "I had to tell him what to do."
________________________________________________________
Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"
Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"
Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!".
"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"
So he huffed and he puffed, until LRRH stopped the BBW--mid-organism--and asked, "Did you see what happened to those two little pig's houses up the lane?" Wherepon the the BBW replied, "You sure you don't want your tits sucked dry? I've been short of wind the last few day."
A conservative, a moderate and a liberal walked into a bar. What did the bartender say?
Hey, Mitt!
Hey, Mitt!
Hey, Mitt! How's your wife and my kids?
A conservative, a moderate and a liberal walked into a bar. What did the bartender say?
Hey, Mitt!
Hey, Mitt!
My favorite one:
A sawmill has an open position for a wood buyer.
Guy with dark glasses and a cane walks in.
"I am appying for this wood buyer job!"
"OK, but aren't you BLIND???"
"Sure am, however I identify wood by my keen sense of smell."
"I need to verify your claim. Ready for a test?"
"Ready is my middle name."
The boss hauls in a piece of lumber, puts it on his desk and asks: "Please identify this piece of wood."
Without missing a beat, the blind guy says: "Douglas fir, 50 years old, from Washington state."
The boss is impressed - the answer was spot-on.
"How about a second test? Ready?"
"I was born ready!"
The boss hauls in another piece of lumber.
The blind guy sniffs front and back, before stating confidently:
"Oak, 75 years old, Northern New Jersey, a south-facing hillside."
Once again the answer is correct and records show that the hillside in northern NJ was indeed south-facing.
The boss is getting a little bit annoyed by the know-it-all and says "Now for the final test."
He leaves the room, but instead of coming back with another piece of lumber, he is carrying his secretary and gently puts her on his desk.
The blind guy sniffs front and back.
Then, quite confused, once again.
Finally he says "You got me there. I have no idea what this is, but if I may venture a guess, it's the shithouse door of a fish trawler."
A sawmill has an open position for a wood buyer.
Guy with dark glasses and a cane walks in.
"I am appying for this wood buyer job!"
"OK, but aren't you BLIND???"
"Sure am, however I identify wood by my keen sense of smell."
"I need to verify your claim. Ready for a test?"
"Ready is my middle name."
The boss hauls in a piece of lumber, puts it on his desk and asks: "Please identify this piece of wood."
Without missing a beat, the blind guy says: "Douglas fir, 50 years old, from Washington state."
The boss is impressed - the answer was spot-on.
"How about a second test? Ready?"
"I was born ready!"
The boss hauls in another piece of lumber.
The blind guy sniffs front and back, before stating confidently:
"Oak, 75 years old, Northern New Jersey, a south-facing hillside."
Once again the answer is correct and records show that the hillside in northern NJ was indeed south-facing.
The boss is getting a little bit annoyed by the know-it-all and says "Now for the final test."
He leaves the room, but instead of coming back with another piece of lumber, he is carrying his secretary and gently puts her on his desk.
The blind guy sniffs front and back.
Then, quite confused, once again.
Finally he says "You got me there. I have no idea what this is, but if I may venture a guess, it's the shithouse door of a fish trawler."
This is a joke post.
- don't bother reading this one.
- don't bother reading this one.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored Jell-o.
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored Jell-o.
I figured we'd need a joke thread. So feel free to post, if you have a good joke, in this thread.
I just read a good comic strip today, and I will repeat the joke here:
Headline: Business negotiations
Company A:
So we agreed that we take all the development costs and risks, while you take all the patents, credit and profit.
However, it says here on the last page in small writing that we have to develop a swimming pool in the the garden
of the private residence of your director by digging it out with our bare hands, we're afraid we'll have to reject that.
Company B:
With a resigned voice: Ok, you win, we will allow you to use teaspoons.
I just read a good comic strip today, and I will repeat the joke here:
Headline: Business negotiations
Company A:
So we agreed that we take all the development costs and risks, while you take all the patents, credit and profit.
However, it says here on the last page in small writing that we have to develop a swimming pool in the the garden
of the private residence of your director by digging it out with our bare hands, we're afraid we'll have to reject that.
Company B:
With a resigned voice: Ok, you win, we will allow you to use teaspoons.
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