How do you "cuddle" up with a bitcoin? They don't even exist. You're paying $4000 for a time stamp. The only thing that distinguishes them from worthless fiats is that it might be more difficult for Jews to print them into hyperinflation if you pretend altcoins don't exist. Transaction validators are designed to centralize and they're non-fungible (the two attributes guarantee it's a permissioned ledger) so it still has all the same other drawbacks of Jewish fiat notes if not even worse in some aspects like abolishing the 5th amendment by using it.
So your only real selling point is "buy this garbage because it's more difficult for the Jews to cause hyperinflation?" That's not that good of a selling point when nobody holds US dollars to try and make money in the first place. Everyone already dumps the dollars and uses them to purchase actual investments like land, real estate, business, etc. 'Money' isn't supposed to be an investment or pay some type of dividend, it's supposed to simply have the aspect of stability.
Bitcoin is designed as some sort of multi-level marketing pyramid scheme with it's completely arbitrary halvings, which is the actual thing you're trying to sell. I will do well holding physical metals simply because the ESF has artificially rigged them downward to oblivion in an inverse bubble to try and prop up the dollar. For you to do well, you're required to trick people into a multi-level marketing scheme.