Negativity?
You were much more fun when you
Were still drinking booze.
Honestly, I'm just fucking around with the zero, shit. I had Peña on the mind.
...speaking of which, maybe I was more fun to myself on booze, but a monster to everyone else.
Turns out a medicine re-adjustment after a friend died ~6 years ago really threw me off the rails, and took a very long time to make the correlation... blah blah blah, I've been in psychotropic hell off-and-on since the New Year getting re-balanced on the right new meds; starting low, and gradually building up until I'm symptom-free again (I'm practically there, now... just another 4 weeks of enteric discomfort...)
It's incredible how blunted I was now that I'm blessedly in the final stages of rebalancing.
I was robbed of my empathetic and rational abilities and converted everything directly into anger, that I took out on those around me.
Terrifying and humbling experience to discover in retrospect, and needing to make the correction.
tl;dr: 6 months later, I'm feeling like a new person, everything emotional is magnified, and I'm struggling with "emotional overload" if that makes any sense, but I can handle that thanks to wisdom. Blessedly the anxiety symptoms are finally starting to go away, and the depression is nowhere to be found. Additionally, I don't think I could become as angry as I was over the last 6 years if I wanted to. Night/Day change.
These psychotropic drugs can be hell. Not proud to be on them, but the other side of this is, I would really be struggling as a human to make it in this world, without the help.
Can trace the genetic "curse" back about 4 generations. Both sides of the family in differing forms. No use fighting your biology.
Have found peace returning to ranch life, despite the stresses of that project.
Be good to yourselves. You only get this one life.
EDIT:
Conjure One - I Don't Want To Go There
