Picking The Right HumanLike a cantaloupe melon, picking the right person to eat can be a challenge unless you know what you are doing. Here are a few helpful hints in selecting the right one to eat.
Age – Just like other game meat, humans get tough and stringy with age. Anyone 3 - 16 years old taste great, their well shaped legs are great for tender, succulent meals. Girls do taste better than boys.
Size – Like a good marbled beef, you want your human to have a bit of fat on them and to be of a large weight and size. While a very thin woman may be found attractive, the fact is that what little meat they have is stringy and tough. Very heavy humans tend to be more tender and juicy, so they should be fattened if you desire extra flavor. The meat found on bodybuilders and strongmen are tough ans flavorless due to the lack of fat. The perfect cut of human flesh comes from the average Australian couch potato Due to that fact that with any other feat, flavor come from the fat. However, be careful that you do not become an Australian yourself from too much fat intake.
Sex – As in monkey sex, sex doesn't really matter. Although, females do tend to taste better, and males tend to have more muscle (that means more ballfat) on them.
Nationality – Actual race and color have very little to do with the taste of humans. All races are pink and fleshy underneath the skin. Some believe that brown skinned people contain more omega-3 and calcium, but that is just a myth (however you are welcome to test this for yourself). However one thing that does make a difference is diet. Humans who are strictly vegetarian tend to taste a bit more beefy than those that primarily eat meat. Other considerations are salt and spice intake. Italians, for example, tend to have a mild, natural garlic taste while people from India tend to be a bit on the spicy side. Also another tip is to cook the anus with salt and garlic at 450 degrees (rare to well done is up to you). The healthiest part of the human body is the lymph nodes and also, the urethra. But if undercooked they will taste sour and tangy. If you follow these instructions then you will have a wonderful healthy** meal.
Healthy is only a word. Remember the old words of wisdom "what you eat is what you are." Over consumption of Germans has been known to lead to antisemitic ideals, Swedish meat may lead to creating windmills and wooden shoes. The greatest thing to be warned about is the meat of the overweight Australian, which has a peculiar flavor due to the native diet of croc meat, koala, kangaroo, and the occasional bush snake, and tends to raise one's cholesterol due to high lard content.
Industrial Farming –Some proponents of 'human rights' have criticized the cramped and inhospitable living conditions used for the industrial production of humans for food and other industrial purposes. Humans should be given a minimum of 100 square feet, or about 30 square meters per person per household. Less than this and the humans may begin to 'peck each others eyes out', which can increase the risk of disease. Also, you should not allow your humans to amass too much garbage or cheap plastic crap as this can diminish the effective living area inside of their cages.
Source: The Interwebs