Maybe Im too much of a pessimist alot of the time also, my backbone is of a jellyfish consistency for adventures like this one but still theres some worth in preparing for the worst and hoping for the best; don't be all of just one of those things be both and arbitrage advantages from the stability many dont have.
I can imagine that as well, OP made a very grievous mistake by allowing emotion to drive his decision, growing $4000 to $90,000 probably made him think or believe himself to already be a professional predictor who can never be wrong, he allowed his emotion to give him false confidence and that's what lead to him losing everything back at the end of the day..
$90,000 bucks is not small amount of money, and no matter how op try to be a man and bear it, the thought of losing such money will always hit him hard and way him down, most especially, if he is like the average gambler out there who probably have never touched an amount of money such as that in the past..
I believe this have taught him a good lesson, and if he's going to gather the balls to stage a come back, he won't make this type of mistake again.