TREMBLE MERE MORTALS
The godchild dank shalls rock your balls off in a month, day for day, in celebration of the ascension of the human race on December 21st.
Rejoice! Rejoice! For He has deemed us worthy of a wicked guitar solo, which is by the way totally not the same off-tempo craptacular doodle of a melody he posted here a hundred times. No!
The chosen one has assured us that he will be flailing that axe like motherfucking Hendrix. MOTHERFUCKING HENDRIX. Frankly, you should all piss your pants in humility for being allowed in the mere proximity of electrons carrying thoughts shot straight from his freakin' mind. Like laser beams, only attached to sharks, CAUSE HE'S SPREADING THAT FUCKING AWESOME BUKAKKE OF KNOWLEDGE ALL OVER YOU.
Naysayers might tell you that he has no coherent plan, that he doesn't deem it relevant to hire staff, that it's ok that a couple people die during the event, that he has moldy fudge where his critical thinking should be, I say HERETICS, all of them! Purge the unbelievers with love, or failing that, kerosene.
I also want to vehemently remind you that this precious human being has not only successfully launched a multitude of companies including, but not limited to, seastead manufacturing, owning a mansion for profit, owning a sports car for profit, selling high quality glass pipes by the thousands, driving under the influence, paying a fine for driving under the influence and of course, launching the most beloved chain of hookah lounges the northern hemisphere has ever seen, no!
He did all of this with the help of the universe, through a successful 5 million dollar loan obtained on these very forums, totally unsecured.
Not only has he repaid said loan on time, offering a spare mansion to his creditor as tip, the universe furthermore provided him with another loan, so that he may cover the first. It's totally not a ponzi, SO SAY THE GODCHILD DANK.
Amazingly, all this happened in a parallel universe, so you know it's 100% true!
So where will you be on December 21st, egoslave? At home, surrounded by your so-called loved ones? Working like a fool to pay for trivial and completely irrelevant fallacious things such as food and housing? Simply deluding yourself that not being the godchild is the best thing ever?
NO! Through the power of love you will be attending the glorious arising of our lord and savior, who totally is not a drugged up simpleton mooching off mom and dad, deluding himself that he sings just as well as Nickleback while masturbating furiously as he fixated upon his own gaze in a mirror, in a similar but much, much more delusional way than playing bloody Mary.
You can be sure you will attend, for He has seen this epic concert in a dream, and since then he has amassed many a connection to bring it to bear. He's so busy, he hasn't even taken the time to update his checklist of requirements. Not only should you know these are all already taken care of, but you should bask in the glory of our Dear Leader's sense of drama, waiting but until the last minute to tell us where and when this blessed event will take place.
I SHALL RETURN IN ONE MONTH, to cast scathing judgement on all of you, or at least someone, with maddening taunts of ''I told you so''.
MARK YOUR CALENDARS FEEBLE HUMANS, THE AGE OF DANK IS UPON US.