And just end it all?
I feel like I am going to get all different kind of responses but I want to put this out there and see how many people have seriously considered it. Life isn't easy for the majority of people, always hiding problems or not confronting them and letting them just dig deeper until you don't/can't handle it anymore.
How to people have ambition to move through all the bullshit in this world anymore? You seem to fix one problem and before you're done you have 2 more and what you were working on just falls to shit anyways. Maybe that's why we have so many drug addicts, just trying to escape reality because they can't bring themselves to the end.
What happens with the people that are suicidal failures that know they have nothing to live for and have seriously tried to end it only to fail at that? Where in today's culture do you put them? Right along with the undesirables and mental cases. There is no hope anymore, no determination, no pleasure of being in existence, so why be here?
I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.
I don't know where I am getting with this, kinda like everything else in life. I need something constructive to put my energy towards and feel like I am apart of something. I need to wake up each morning and know I have a meaning and I am needed. Even if it's not something great or world changing, just something that is meaningful to me, something I have passion for.
But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over. Maybe I'm crazy or something but if I don't get meaning in my life soon I will be 1 less undesirable around.
Actually, yes. Yes I have. I still do. I realize that humanity only pretends to care about others but usually only when it gets them what they want. I don't belong with these people who's agendas are self-serving, but I don't have anywhere else I can be. I often desire to poof out of existence but fear the unknown consequences of doing so. I fear the idea that some part of me or my consciousness may be eternal. And, if I think this place is bad, just imagine being stuck here for the rest of eternity...which could very well happen eventually anyway.
I lost the only person who I ever absolutely truly loved and have been having to learn to forget about her and find reasons to be angry at her about the way things ended.
If I could end my existence, I would. But I would much more desire to end the existence of the entire world with me. Think about it. We're put on this planet and expected to survive by destroying other living creatures which we must eat. We evolve based on these creatures DNA structures which our bodies adapt to our own, but we've decided to destroy those DNA structures first which causes several problems. We decide that it's bad to get sick, but our bodies must get sick if they are to adapt to the ever changing environments. Humanity thinks that they're intelligent, but they're killing themselves with every poorly thought-out move.
Science has become a religion in which anyone claiming to be a scientist will tell the world something and nobody considers verifying it to ensure it's accuracy. Pills have become so mainstream that people believe they can't live without them. So yeah, it's no wonder I want to remove humanity as a whole.
As it is, you're going to have to reach the core of whatever is bothering you. Pills only mask the problem so that you can't see the world around you. The disorder is being aware of it. You're not happy, start with that. But why aren't you happy? What will make you happy? And why have you posted everything I've been saying and feeling for about 2 years now?
Anytime I try to do something worthwhile, some human gets in my way. They either tell me I can't achieve it or tell everybody else that they're stupid for trying to help me to achieve it.
Take this for example:
https://bitcointalksearch.org/topic/15-btc-donation-for-a-project-235478The first post other than myself that was made was to ensure my failure for no reason what-so-ever. They had no proof, no basis, nothing. I was honest, I was sincere, and mostly courteous. But nobody cares about who I am as a person. They see money and what I can do for THEM.
On top of that, I got a phone call today about an interview with Time Warner Cable. I need a job. But because I don't presently have a job, they refused to give me an interview. Humanity is full of idiots and I refuse to be one. I just can't find the exit door.
If there was some nice island somewhere that wasn't owned by some nation already, I would ask all the NEETs of the world if they want to setup shop there and make a truly free country which doesn't depend on currency where everybody is free to follow their dreams. College would be free, you would work for the sake of making the world a better place, your creative freedom wouldn't be stifled by the size of your wallet, and the limitations set on items for the sake of making the most profit wouldn't exist! Copy things all you want! Make them better, make them your own! Just become someone you're happy with...
But this is Earth, humanity and reality. Those things don't exist here. -_-