Topic: Ever want to end it all? - page 3. (Read 6707 times)

I agree. Kill yourself long before that happens, but give yourself and other opportunities a chance first. Basically, there are so many opportunities in the world, I want to kill myself because making the choice between them is so hard, not for a lack of them. 

Sorry if you think what you said doesn't matter, because it does. Just your response caring was enough to appreciate.

I have lived on the streets. Ever watch the rocky 5 I think when he fights billy gun? Well they don't put the garbage in Philadelphia for the moving trust me. Living on the street is rough, probably the whole reason I am down is because I don't want to go back and I'd rather end it before I do.

Yeah, but no one has provided me a way to kill everyone

PM me if you have something around...

Fine. After you have experienced the joys of living on the streets, and figured out that NOT living on the streets is an excellent reason to live (grin), check out the Sally. BTW, they don't do handouts. How do you think they stock those Thrift stores? Can you say ARC? (grin)

Boom! Despite any depression or downtime I've always felt this way too. Good man.

Sorry I will live on the streets first. I could collect welfare and foodstamps without a problem, I choose not to. Not because I am better or anything like that but because I feel I put myself in this situation a hand out isn't going to solve that. It will be a temporary fix. I need to find something that gives me purpose and meaning, not find a hand out. 

Call the Salvation Army. They can put you up, be a local mailing address for you, feed and clothe you, as long as you are actively looking for work. PM me your location and an email address and I'll see if I can get you a contact. It's been 20 years since I graduated the L.A. ARC, but once a Sally alumni, always a Sally alumni.

Staying online all day can definitely cause depression. Perhaps start with changing that. But you do need someone to talk to so they can learn specifics. Your current situation is depressing you, so try changing things up. Activity level, food, social interaction, etc.

Living alone in California I wasn't so much depressed as scared, since my future was wide open and I was living paycheck to paycheck, but I would walk down the PCH for 4 hours or so down to San Clamente and back and that always helped me think about life. I did the same after moving to Korea, wandering the streets late at night. Eventually I was able to move that wandering depressed and lonely energy towards girls, which quickly taught me all about anger, disappointment and sexism. Now I wish I could be depressed again instead of angry all the time.

Edit: skateboarding, music, dancing, racing cars, hapkido, flying, these things all helped to distract me as well.

Thanks for the offer but it won't help.

As I sit right now I live on the lake at a family cottage and have access to a boat, fishing gear, skies and tubes. Yet I lay in bed with my laptop. It's really not as easy as just be happy people have it worse than you.

It's sad the more I think about it. At this very second I am okay, but in the next weeks I will be homeless without any of this. My family rather rent it out than let a deadbeat rent it for less than what they get for a weekend.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm not the energetic all around american that everyone expects. I just don't have the drive to be what I probably could be with very little effort. I just don't see the point anymore. Once a problem is out of the way another one is there to take its place.

 

Yeah, that's probably the best of them all. 

Sex... forgot about that, I'm married with kids

Sex.

NumberFive,
I went through a similar situation as you a while ago, so I know how you feel, you may not believe it but I do.

What helped me? A therapist and some xanax/clamazapan, I have a null receptor on one of my genes that turns EVERY one of the depression drugs into worse depression drugs.

Here is what I learned:

It is ok to open up
It is ok to be sad
It is ok to be depressed

Learn to be truthful to yourself, really down deep truthful and really spot on honest with yourself.

Be truthful about your situation with somebody, anybody, if you don't things WILL get worse.

Really learn to open up about your situation, you would be surprised how many people are in the same or worse situations that you are in right now.

Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made, Allow yourself to not feel guilty about your fathers murder, that was not your fault (if of course you didn't do it).

You cannot control anything or anybody else in this world other than yourself, your actions and your emotions.

Last but not least: give up on your conceptions of how you think life should be like and live in the now, right now, love and appreciate that you are alive, breathing, have food, shelter, clean drinking water.

The above may sound hokey or stupid, but you will not believe how helpful it really is to just let out what it is that is bothering you.

I am available via PM if you want, and if it is truly a desperate situation I will give you my cell # to call.

P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.

I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.

Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.

I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.

Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.

Depression (if not situational- i.e. due to current circumstances) is due to a chemical balance in the brain. Medication combined with appropriate psychotherapy can be very helpful.  The list of side effects on medications is due to lawsuits and does not reflect the experience of most patients.

Suicide recently became the #1 cause of unnatural death, so no, you are not alone.

This world is designed to pigeon-hole you into a life of meaningless repetition and debt-slavery. You're meant to be a cog in the machine and barely get by paying the mortgage/taxes. Art and pursuing your passion can't fulfill this requirement, and therefore such activities tend to be a pipe dream for almost everyone.


How I cope?

1. Live in the ghetto. It really isn't bad. Get over your preconceptions.
2. Make your home your own.
3. Learn skill sets, buy or share equipment.
4. Research fun DIY projects online.

There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.

Are you US based?

Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!

Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...

I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.

PM me if you want to chat.

There are always ups and downs in life. Think of it this way... without bad days there would never be a reference for good days to be good. It also helps to realize that no matter how bad things may seem(and we do tend to put a negative twist on things)... that there is always someone else with a worse day and/or situation. I think this is why reality shows do well. You see how screwed-up other peoples lives are and it makes us feel good that we are not them! lol

There are only two routes to meaning, the more humanistic path of leaving your mark by some good (or even bad deeds/accomplishments) or religion.