Topic: Ever want to end it all? - page 2. (Read 6707 times)

Just saw this thread.  So glad you are feeling more positive about things.

I certainly can understand what you are going through as I have been there too.  I do consider myself "religious" although I think that word can bring connotations of a stoic/righteous person, which I do not consider myself at all.  What I have found is that God really does understand me even when I feel like ending it all.  There have been times in my life where I feel like he miraculously met me where I was at and I was able to get through the dark days that I went through.  He used people around me.  He comforted me when I called out to Him and basically let Him know exactly what was going on.  No need to sugar coat it.  I think sometimes as a "deep thinker" it is harder.  We are not as shallow as some around us and it makes it harder in that way. 

Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote several years ago about my struggle with this called "If you only knew":

Have you ever felt like you were all alone?
The deepest feelings in your heart so unknown?
I am here to say that I've been there too
Oh, if you only knew

Have you ever felt like life was hard to live?
Feeling there was nothing left for you to give?
I am here to say that I've felt that too.
Oh, if you only knew

I know what it's like to give up on everything
I know what it's like to feel like life is not worth living
I know what it's like to feel like God doesn't care
But He always was and He always is and He always will be
There

Are you afraid of letting Jesus in
Thinking He would frown upon your hidden sins
I am am here to say that He loves you
Oh if you only knew

I know what it's like to give up on everything
I know what it's like to feel like life is not worth living
I know what it's like to feel like God doesn't care
But He always was and He always is and He always will be
There

Through the storms of life
He has been the guiding light
In my deep despair
He's been there, Oh he's been there
It doesn't matter what I've done
His love goes on and on and on and on

Good job trying at least!

I have spent many days of this week chatting with our friend here until wee hours of the morning and decided to be a good samaritan to him since he genuinely seemed to be in a place I was when I was younger.

• I offered him some advice on how to get back on track with life, including a stellar job offer (since I need to hire quite a lot of recruiters for a job I'm working now anyway and he seems stuck in a rut). He agreed to entertain the offer and thanked me for my motivation, that's good.
• I offered to help find him a place to live, I involved some friends who live near him, and before they could find a place he found one, so that was good.
• I offered him some food but he said he was good for now, so that's good.
• While discussing getting his GED, I pushed him to find prices and offered to pay the fees for him, he is still trying to set that up. That's good.
• While discussing how to get him to come overseas for a job offer, I instructed him on how to get his passport, and he said he could apply as early as tomorrow, that's good.
• I asked him where I could send him funds to help pay for his costs of making the passport and applying for GED (he can pay me later when he gets his job), and he gave me the Paypal address supposedly of his girlfriend's dad. A cursory internet search showed it belonged to what seems like a 12 year old scammer and emails associated with that only corroborated this.
• He instantly goes on the defensive and suddenly *I'm* the one who can't be trusted, that my "untrustworthy" tag from Theymos regarding a bad bet that I'm paying everyone for suddenly means he can't trust my sincere help (and refuses to speak logically and admit that I know absolutely nothing about him).

I hope he's just emotional and confused right now, because if it's not that, then he's a scammer. Keep this in mind before helping him anyone. I'm not saying *don't* help him, I'm just saying that you should most definitely get some kind of proof of who he actually is first. I hope I'm wrong (prove me wrong mate), but when you are a random name, no address, no face, etc, (doesn't matter if you can supply an ID, I've been scammed by many before with IDs up the ass) on the internet, the burden of proof is on *you*, not me, and you need to be logical if you want to continue moving forward, not emotional.

Good luck in the future, I hope you get out of your rut (unless you're a scammer in which I wish you a continued stay in your rut).

I wouldn't either. It's just an instinct I can't deny.

Wrong, you can MINE!!  :-D

I would never be able to bring myself to actually do it. Even though my life is pretty messed up atm. Imagine not even being able to carry a backpack full of books 100 yards without your foot being in 8/10 pain , and you have like no control over it, and you're in pain 24/7 even when you're not walking. I might as well be in a wheelchair I can't do fucking anything 

Ending your life is the easy option, and will surely hurt your family members too.

Think about it. The only meaning your life would then have is that, as you ended it, it made more people even more miserable.

Don't do it.

Don't think so? Have you discussed this with them? How about listing here some positive family memories?

Go outside and get some fresh air. It's crazy what some sunlight will do to you if you've been hiding in your house for too long, I know all about that.

If you do decide to end it all, do the right thing and send me all your Bitcoins first.

Thanks!

After talking to these people I have hope for the future. It's kind of strange and crazy how things happen but I won't question it.

Hopefully the next thread I make can be "How bitcoin saved my life". Would be a great turn of events. If anyone else is feeling what I am please don't hesitate to talk to someone no matter if its a friend family member or a random guy online. It really does help.

I've got a lot of insight from some good people on the forum and I thank everyone for that.

Scrabble, the Pandora's box of analogies:


..and always challenging other people when they use words you don't understand
..and always wondering why XXX is not acceptable at the table
..and always trying to sacrifice bits and pieces for a deeper meaning
..and always blaming everyone else when things get mixed up
..and always having trouble finding the words you're looking for
..and always trying to see everyone else's point of view
..and always having the right idea when there is no room for it at the table
..and always trying to spell things out for everyone else
..and always trying to put things together but finding yourself blocked at every angle

Consider life as a game like Scabble. Some days you lose. Some days you win. But you're always looking forward to the next challenge.

I agree. You have no meaning. So go take the risks and put in the work to achieve that meaning. Once you have it, you'll be looking at the clock anxiously, realizing time is against you anyway. Then you'll be looking at people talking about suicide like a guy who wants to throw a hamburger on the ground-- you'll instinctively grab for it. Mmm. Hamburger.

Life is for living, not taking it away. The point of life is, was and will be to live. We might be human beings but the instinct of life still remains. You just got to find it deep inside you, behind all that sorrow and sadness.

Yep there are some truly genuine people out there. I really didn't expect the words here and hru PMs that I received. I understand it's not the right way to go, I'm not incapable of finding the good and letting everything else ride. I've done that for years. I'm just tired of the daily struggle we all know as life. Especially when you have no meaning.

Really what's the point? How would it effected anyone's day besides a few family members of mine if I just ended it instead of posting this thread? Would any of you been effected, no. Same goes the other way, how does it effect anyone by me posting this thread? I just don't see the point anymore. Everything is pointless. I have no meaning, nothing to keep me here fighting through the rough times for a better tomorrow.

hehe

But no. I am way to optimistic about the future. Even unrealistically so at times.And  as an atheist death is final. How is oblivion an answer to anything?

Then yer not remembering them very well. Get motivated. The position you are  in now is much better than having to work your way back up. You have resources. Use them. Call 211. Get counseling. Look for work, a place to stay, enough income to pay the basic necessities. If you are willing to kill yourself, then you don't care what happens to you. So why do it? That's freedom. If it doesn't matter if you live or die, then live. Do whatever you want. Why not? Still better than killing yourself. You can always die later. In fact, you most likely will at some point. (grin)

We all went through much and I don't blame you. Such thoughts always circle in everyone's head, some just ignore them. Try to think about something different such as this forum. As you see in the whole thread there's people who care about you, about your life, about your existence. We don't want to let another human lose his life to this routine. In my case, I try to look at the positives of life, be happy and enjoy everything I do. It doesn't go my way most of the time but I try not to mind it and keep going.

What would killing yourself accomplish. If you believe in Christ than you're going to hell and there's probably more or at least the same amount of crap there. If you don't then after you die you're gonna swim in the black void forever. What will you do then? Probably nothing, for the whole eternity. If you believe in any other religion just look at the equivalents: Budhist? New life, same crap. Muslim? Pretty similiar to Christians, I think. Take any religion or take atheism - it doesn't work that way.