Topic: The Emma Meme: SEMANTIC ISSUES NEEDS RESOLVING ~ Please Help! - page 2. (Read 13317 times)

That thought has somewhat occurred to me, hence the "Reality Check". You're valuable contribution, JesseChisholm, is duly noted. I'm going to be out of pocket for a few hours, but when I return this evening, I'm going to work on this further, for your valid points do need addressing.

~Bruno~

re: Reality Check
Excellent question. (If "reality" is reasonable to apply to this prim rose path. )

Line 1 : the subject
Line 2 : personal attributes of the subject
Line 3 : continued attributes of the subject
Line 4
    On Emma's side   : describes a nebulous attribute of the subject
    On Satoshi's side : describes an action taken by an unknown actor about the subject
Line 5
    On Emma's side   : describes the span of time and domain pertinent to the subject.
    On Satoshi's side : describes the span of time and an action taken by the subject for a goal in a domain.
Line 6
    On Emma's side   : describes the conditions the subject encountered.
    On Satoshi's side : describes in more details the goal required of the subject by an unknown actor.

So, the semantic structure has drifted a bit.

-Jesse

Reality Check:

• Emma Woodhouse --> Satoshi Nakamoto
• handsome, clever, and rich, --> notably anonymous, innovative, and enigmatically shy,
• with a comfortable home and happy disposition, --> with impellent drive of abounding alacrity,
• seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; --> promulgated to abrogate the Achilles' heels of fiat currency;
• and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world --> and had endured untold years hopscotching to secure cyberspace,
• with very little to distress or vex her. --> ordained to supplant the unitarily-commissioned global currency reserves.

OR

I now realize why [and?] after some research.


I was hoping to not incorporate added articles, i.e., the the before unitarily-commissioned.

I feel that securing the internet needs mentioning.

Self-ordained to ordained should work just as well, albeit a slightly different connotation.

The word count now stands at 40.

Original:

~Bruno~

What do we have here? BadBear Driving the Daisys (family)?

Gosh, way to suck all the fun out of it.

WOW!


I like initiative but prefer drive because shy/drive and promulgated/abrogate gives the paragraph that singing effect.

I'm glad to see had reintroduced.

Currency does complement commissioned, coupled with the implication of cursing hard-cold-cash.

Thanks for the comment on the word self-ordained. Unitarily-commissioned seems to work nicely, but now we have two hyphenated words, and one has to go. I like yours, therefore mine needs revised.

Either hyphenated word counts as one word, and at the moment the word count stands at 39, one shy of what's needed.

I'm not sure why your an ([an?]) is in brackets and with a question mark. I feel it works fine.

~Bruno~

Original:

No problem thanks for the kind words!

Self-ordained works very beautifully.

Here's my thoughts on this:


I'm not sure if 'unitarily-' is a word...

We could use "currency" instead of "money."

Original:

How close are we?

Original:

Please forgive me for editing within your quoted text. I just realized my error.


Thank you kindly, Gladamas, for this input. Would replacing intending with ordained work?


During you hunt, don't worry too much about the word count at that juncture, for we can make it up, or correct it, elsewhere.

~Bruno~

Satoshi Nakamoto, intelligent, notably anonymous, and shy, with a technological drive of abounding alacrity, promulgated to abrogate all of the worst shortcomings of fiat currency; and endured untold years hopscotching through cyberspace, intending to supplant the world's central bank-issued money.


A synonym for "intelligent" (bright, brilliant, ingenious) will work also.

Something like "technological drive" (a desire to code? develop software?), but that doesn't sound quite right...

I'm thinking of a better way to rephrase "the world's central bank-issued money."

In red needs addressing. Use the original text below as a guide. I just added the bold text. Would this suffice? Since bank-issued is hyphenated, I changed back to 'hopscotching'.


~Bruno~

Satoshi Nakamoto, faceless, notably anonymous, possibly shy, with shit, this is hard! of abounding alacrity, promulgated to abrogate all of the worst shortcomings of fiat currency; and endured untold years hopscotching through cyberspace, intending to supplant the world's central bank-issued money.

In red needs addressing. Use the original text below as a guide. I just added the bold text. Would this suffice? Since bank-issued is hyphenated, I changed back to 'hopscotching'.


The good news is that we retained the 40 word count.

~Bruno~

In red is written in stone.


In bold, I propose we keep, unless a counter-argument is warranted. Underlined needs addressing.


If "promulgated to abrogate" is factually and grammatically correct, I propose we keep that for sing-song rhythm purposes.

I've also changed 'uncountable years' to 'untold years' to keep in the spirit of secrecy.

I opted to use the hyphenated version of 'hop-scotching' so that there still remains one hyphenated word in the final edit.

Original:

For? Copying and pasting, without even bothering to clean up the footnotes?

I should have paid more attention during HS English (no college, though I did have a scholarship to MIT that I was not made aware of till my early twenties), but if I did, I probably won't have gotten a perfect 800 on the math part of the SAT (taken at Indian University in '78).

Thank you so kindly, Gladamas, for your valuable input. A revised paragraph will conclude this post coupled with possibly a concern/question or two.


So much for trying to keep a handle on the verbiage.

Gladamas is correct about the repetitiveness of the following: faceless, notably anonymous, possibly shy, with an unknown home of abounding alacrity. I suggest we keep "notably anonymous".

Further input?

~Bruno~

The original text:

I'm in the process of penning another post. Please stand by.

~Bruno~

Repetitive.


Better word?


Dispose? Discharge? Relieve? Abrogate? Supplant?


Supplant?

I have no idea about this thread..



But!

"I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;a
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!b
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,c
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:d
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin,e
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy—
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General."


Your welcome..