Topic: Will give 1 usd (btc) to the winners and 5 usd to the champ. Lol - page 2. (Read 1953 times)

I've chosen 2 winners already! I'll announce the winners later! I NEED 1 MORE WINNER! LOL

Teacher asked the students to tell the importance of the year 1809.

John stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was born”.

Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819.

Then Sam suddenly stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was ten years old”!

Why did the mirror have holes in it?

A moron kept trying to shoot himself.

A:Why did the chicken cross the road?
B:To get to the ugly guy's house
A:?? uh ok
B: Sorry that was bad, are you up for a knock knock joke?
A: Sure!
B:Knock Knock!
A:Who's there?
B:The chicken

There was a bear and a rabbit having a shit in the woods, the bear turns to the rabbit and asks if he has any problem with shit sticking to his fur, the rabbit says no so the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with it. 

A boy and a girl were arguing in the school playground about which gender was better.

After half an hour of bickering, the boy settled for a more "straightforward" approach. He pulled down his pants and said, "At least we have one of these!"

The girl, not knowing what to say, and knowing that she was defeated, ran home, sobbing.

The next day, the girl came straight to school and shoved the boy over. "Sure, you boys have one of those things," She then stripped and pulled down her dress. "With this, I can have as many of those as I want!"

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out  riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three  men found themselves standing before  the pearly gates of Heaven, where St.  Peter and the Devil were standing  nearby."Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering  Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates'
Devil siad: Socrates' teachings well i will write and give u the report on it.
" With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of Devil's finger, the philsopher disappeared.

 The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!"
With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and   reluctantly agreed it was correct.
 "Then, go to Hell!" The devil said and With another snap of the Devil's finger, the mathematician disappeared too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair.
The Idiot said , "Drill 7 holes on the seat."
The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right of the chair."

"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to heaven. )))

CRAZY PEOPPLE DON`T KNOW THEY ARE CRAZY   

I KNOW I AM CRAZY THEREFORE I AM NOT CRAZY,ISN` THAT CRAZY

WKWKWK,,,, HAHAHAHA..... LOL.

If Held Will Buy
One day Joni invited his father to the animal market to buy a cow to be used for sacrificial animals. Joni attention to his father, who was checking the cattle they would buy. The father holds the massaging thigh cows carefully, then continue holding the rump of a cow that is forwarded to the back and chest cow. Because wonder Joni asked his father, ..
Joni: "Dad ... why the hell really must be held hold so .. "
Dad: "Ohhh ... that's because the father intends to buy it so it must be checked once the whole body of the cow, .."
Shortly Joni's face looked pale and looked very anxious to hear what is said of his father.
Joni: "Dad ... well let's go home fast, hurry father .. !!!"
Dad: "Well, .. why .. " (surprised to see her looking very worried)
Joni: "It is well, it looks like the mother ... to be purchased by our gardener!!"
Dad: "@@#@#@$$%$#@#@$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?"

w : Knock knock
a  : Who is there ?
w : me
a : me who ?
w : me, a winner 
 

kake: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?

nene: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.

 

Here I'll throw my hat in the ring:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

What did the Picture said when he was sent to Jail... "I was framed"

This joke gonna be funny only in Spain 

A- spell me
B- M E
A- you forgot the D
B- there is no D in me
A- Not yet

I have to say, I think I have the best and BIGGEST JOKE of this year, maybe this decade.  I am not absolutely sure about this, but this is a great joke at work, on the bus, at lunch and even at the bar last night.  Are you ready for it??  Here goes the biggest joke in the last 8 years!!!!!

Student meets student.
- Where are you going?
- Drink beer.
- ahh.. You know how convince me!

Cheers 

I only know how to create a poll.
How do i add restrictions to it?

Cheers 🍻

This made me laugh, for serious person its not