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Vulpine Order of Merit member number eight is
SaltySpitoon!
Another voice of reason amid a cacophony of idiocy. It can't be easy dealing with all the trolls, kooks, and other assorted fools who hang out in the Off-topic section, but such efforts do not go unrewarded.
Let the entertainment commence!Wow, I don't know what to say. When I was told that I won this award, the first thing I thought was, wow, do I really deserve this? I still haven't come to a conclusion about that, mainly because I'm not entirely certain what this award is for. Something to do with selling the most cookies perhaps? In that case, I certainly do not deserve this award. If I was given thousands of boxes of cookies to sell, not only would I be deep in debt and in diabetic shock, but I'm sure I'd feel pretty lousy as well, and in no condition to offer my acceptance speech to this, what I've chosen to consider as a prestigious award. But I digress. As I continue to ramble through this piece of prose disguised as an acceptance speech, thinking about nothing but cookies, and how many I could eat before I reach serious consequences, I find myself googling how many cookies it takes to overdose. I scan the related topics, as no one is stupid enough to have asked or answered this same question before, and see link after link to FDA guidelines on added sugar intake, information on tree nut allergies, and advertisements and purchase opportunities for those very cookies to which I was searching the intake threshold before deadly consequences are met. You know, its not very gracious of advertising results of this nature to pop up in response to this search criteria. Its sort of like putting a Budweiser sign right outside of an AA meeting place.
It is very important for advertisers to balance the effectiveness of their advertisements with the moral obligations that they must uphold as a business. Throughout history, with only a handful of product types has it been acceptable for the industry to blatantly operate against the public's well being. Of course, there is the subject of personal responsibility to consider, but where do we draw the line? If a company is selling rat poison made specifically for human consumption, it is pretty well understood that the business would fail, as not too many people would be interested in poisoning themselves for a good time. However, the alcohol and tobacco industry have somehow found a way to avoid the bans of products that are considered harmful to humans. Perhaps its because of human history. Its hard to ban something that is so deeply ingrained in human history and culture, as such that it would become a standard of social interaction, as is the case with alcohol. I'm not for the second coming of prohibition of course, but its just a thought that I've considered every so often. Why ban trans fats, but not tobacco products? Neither have any redeeming qualities for health, and moderation with either helps to mitigate risks of sure to come ailments, but it does not root out the problem. If I had to cap this idea with a final thought, I suppose its, why ban trans fats? If we are trustworthy enough to moderate ourselves with products laced with addictive chemicals, why can't we make our own decision on how many cookies to eat? Remember when Maccas fries were actually decent? And now the restaurant's modus operandi is to get customers in through the door with the lure of free public restrooms, only to corner them with greasy 6% meat patties, bleached flour, and enough salt to make a salt merchant wealthy.
People should be held accountable for their own choices. Get emphysema from smoking? Well, hey that sucks but I'm sending you no condolences. Get it from working in a mine? My condolences. Eat cookies every day and get fat? I'd recommend you make sure a doctor says you are alright health wise. Cut back on the cookies, or exercise more if you need to. If you don't need to, or just are willing to deal with the health risks, again you get no condolences from me, but you do you.
Find that balance of, thats enough heath, and I'd like another cookie!
Congratulations on meeting the high standards of excellence I have set for this honour. You may now claim one of the following prizes*:
- a chocolate bitcoin wrapped in gold foil
- a game rabbit burrito served with habanero sauce
- a slice of Black Forest gâteau made with genuine Black Forest kirsch
- a 55-gallon drum of WD-40
- a pine cone in a bottle
- or THE MYSTERY BOX
*Prizes may or may not actually exist.
A mandatory celebratory dance contest will be held in the
official announcement thread. Please post a rambling acceptance speech in that thread along with your choice of prize.
I'll take the pine cone in a bottle! That is unless the game rabbit burrito can be accepted pre prepared in the form of a burrito wrapper, a live rabbit, and some habanero sauce. In which case, I'll take the bunny!
