Again, not every use of force is either criminal or unjustifiable. If you are trying to raise pascifists, you're on the easy path, but I'm not. That might be cultural, but again, you don't have any say in what culture I raise my children, either.
I'm not saying that every use of force is criminal or unjustifiable. I'm saying
initiating the use of force is criminal or unjustifiable. Especially against someone who cannot fight back.
If your daughter should try to run into traffic, would you attempt to reason with her, or grab her hand to stop her and reason with her later? Obviously you would grab her hand and forcibly prevent her from harming herself, but you have just
initiated force against her in order to do so. By your logic, you would then be an abuser yourself. The idea that I may be more proactive, and employ behavior conditioning (instead of attempting to reason with a two year old) in order to prevent a future repeat of this scene does not make me any more of a initiator of force than yourself. Your going to have to recognize that, no matter how opposed to the use of force against your own children you stand philosophically; you
will employ force against your children at times. Now, your self-justifiable limit of acceptable force may be much lower than my own, but that certainly does not excuse your own use of force. The reality is that you will rationalize your level of force in exactly the same manner that I rationalize mine; that you don't agree that your level of force constitutes violence (as you define it) and that other adults who have another opinion have no say in your situation.
I've already said that intervention in order to prevent harm is acceptable. If you're walking out in front of a bus, certainly you would not object to my leaping across, knocking you to the ground in order to save your life. However, if I then turned you over my knee and proceeded to spank you for wandering into traffic, I feel fairly confident you would object, no matter how strenuously I stated that it was "for your own good."
You say you are "proactive" in your use of force. What do you mean by that? Is it as opposed to "reactive"? If so, then yes, you are indeed initiating force, not to prevent harm, but merely to "teach a lesson." The
only justified use of force is to prevent (or prevent further) harm. The other component of justified force is it's proportionality. If you use "force" to restrain a child from going into the street - or to remove them from it - then that is the amount of force needed to prevent harm. Continuing the use of force - by beating the child - is no more justified than shooting a pickpocket dead.
The slave comment was your's, and I do have the right to defend my child with deadly force whether or not you perceive my actions as abuse or not. Your perspectives could justify your actions against me, but my perspectives would also justify my actions against you. If you are honestly starting to feel disgust, that's progress, because that's projection.
Uh huh. Sure. "Hey, stop hitting your kid!" *BANG* Yup, that's "defending your child." I am disgusted not because you would shoot me to prevent my kidnapping your child, but because you would shoot me in order that you may continue to beat your child. I'm sure a rapist feels perfectly justified in shooting a would-be rescuer of his rape victim, but that doesn't make it so.