Another parent's testimonial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEDqB14wlaoSo I'm at work, after hours, plugging away at my PC, and a co-worker comes to my desk. She sees pictures of my son, and asks if he's mine. Yes, I respond.
"Oh, he's so handsome! Is he well behaved?"
I thought that was an odd question, so I said yes, he's very well behaved. When I asked what she meant, she went on about the hells of raising her 6 year old (mine is 7). She complains about how her child doesn't listen to her no matter how much she gets spanked, is constantly misbehaving, etc.
At this point I had to ask, 'Did it ever occur to you that spanking might be the problem?' I ask this because for a lot of people when discussing the behavior of other children, if they're out of control the comment that the parents must not be spanking enough is always made. I ran into a similar situation a few months ago, went to the house of my wife's friend, and their little one was an absolute nightmare. He was combative, offensive, would not listen and just completely out of control. This was in a Catholic home with plenty of corporal punishment. The parents were just perplexed at what they could possibly be doing wrong, but unable to consider the possibility that spanking was the issue.
Anyway, I said to my co-worker, my son is at the top of his class. His reading is 3 grades ahead and it's something he does on his own for enjoyment. His classmates look to him for help and as an example. He doesn't hit, he doesn't fight, he doesn't take. He is respectful of the property of others; if anything he's a bit too hesitant to use or touch anything that is not his without express permission to do so. We can take him anywhere, from long international flights to doctors visits to the movies and while he will probably complain about being bored, he'll never go berserk or cause a problem.
He's empathetic, compassionate, respectful. I woke up today and he had already brushed his teeth and taken a shower, and gotten dressed for school COMPLETELY on his own. I don't know, sometimes I think I take him for granted, or at least his behavior. My co-worker was shocked. And then I dropped the bomb on her:
I never hit him. Ever. I never raise a hand to him or make him feel threatened. I don't even raise my voice. It has been a lot of work, taking the time to be actively engaged in his life and having to reason with him to help him understand the hows and why's of the world. But I think he's worth it, and if what you want is a child that behaves the way mine does, the last thing you should do is hit. I am not a scientist and he is not an experiment, but anyone that has raised a child should see how they learn; by copying what you do. They're like little copy machines and they mimic behaviors with an amazing skill.
So if you treat your child with respect instead of aggression, you will get respect instead of aggression.
I just wanted to share this, and say thank you (again) to Stefan for opening my eyes. It really is true that if we want to achieve a peaceful, cooperative society the place to start is with our children, and the way to teach them is by example.