Nonsense. Should I permit a toddler to stick his hand into the blue light on the top of the stove, so that he remembers not to do it again, or would the much less permanent harm that a spanking causes him help his young (and not very rational) mind to remember to leave the blue light alone? Sure, I can reason with an eight year old, and teach them a safe way to cross the street, but if a three year old is inclined to run away at any opprotunity, not using the non-permanent pain of a spanking in order to instill a healthy fear of vehicular traffic is the parental failure.
I shouldn't even have to use the "don't pee on the electrical outlet" example. A toddler can not be reasoned with, as they have no more capacity to understand the risks than a puppy does. How do I train the puppy to stay in the yard (and thus away from traffic and other harm)? By using a collection of positive and negative results to it's actions via treats for desirable behaviors and judicious use of pain for undesireable behaviors. The goal with children is to instil a rudimentary concept of consquences so that the child might just live to the age of reason unmaimed by his own actions, but the methods are similar. This is not abuse. To fail to do so, or at least attempt to do so, is neglect.
I really get tired of this kind of bs coming from people who obviously never had children.
Will you listen to
this parent of a three year old disprove everything you just said?
Well, I watched about half of it, and that is about all that I'm willing to take. While I respect Stefan for his philisophical positions, on this one he is just full of shit. He's presenting it as a failure (of the parent) to prepare. While this might be true enough in certain (strawman) situations; such as the particualr one that started the video (i.e. How do I get my kid to leave teh playground without resorting to violence), it's quite impossible to predict all of the situations that your toddler might find hismeslf in. It's also an unfair statement to state taht behavior conditioning in advance of life threatening conditions
isn't a mannor of preperation, particularly when your the parent, in public, with five children. Getting a toddler to leave a public playground due to a time constraint certainly doesn't qualify as conditoning for a life threatining situtation, and ultimately alswasy involves some degree of the use of force by the parent. Even Stefan will eventually pick up his toddler (agaisnt his own will) and force him to abide, even if there is no physical pain involved. From Stefan's own philosphical viewpoint, this is violence if it's one adult doing it to another, so it thus must be violence when done to a toddler as well. Stefan, himself, is a bit of a contradiction in this point. In the end, the differences between stefan (as a "non-violent" parent) and myself is simply a matter of degree, as he
prefers not to use pain as a method of behavior conditioning. That's his preference, and he is welcome to it. But give him 5 kids, three in diapers, put him in a public place and make him responsible for their well being, and he might jsut reconsider his options due to the practical non-availability of other options (mostly due to time and attention). Keep in mind that even though there are two children over the age of reason there to help, he can't really
compell them to aid in his parental duties either. That was, (and largely remains) my world (only two still in diapers, and that only because I've got a 3 year old boy who doesn't
care to learn to use the toilet).
That said, we don't spank the two tots. But this is because 1) they were adopted from an abusinve home (as in real abuse, arbitrary & severe violence) and 2) we have a contract witht he state
to not employ corporal punishments; and we (obviously) don't spank the infant either, she can't get into anything anyway. (yet) But make no mistake, chosing to remove corporal punishments from the toolbox is to deliberately remove an
effective parenting tool for which parents do have the right to employ. There is such a thing as
justifiable use of force; and i will certainly use it, as a last resort, to
condition my children to associate the memory of pain with dangerous endeavors. Certainly, it would be preferable to be able to reason with them or otherwise keep them out of harms way without resorting to such conditioning, but that is not always possible