So it's ok to do anything you want, just because you want to do it. No moral, legal, or societal code can encourage you do other than what you want? And that's ok for you?
I really do doubt that. I think, like most normal people, you really do care what your peers think of you. I'm certain your peers will sway your judgement when it comes to doing things you don't want to do, or not doing things you might feel like doing.
Whoa! How did you make the leap from someone telling me what to do, to me doing whatever I want? You realize these are completely different things, right?
No, they aren't. If no one informs you of social norms, then you can only do what you think is right. Unless you have a masochistic moral code, then the things you want to do are the things that are right. Therefore, if no one informs you of social norms, you will only do things you want to do.
If I followed "social norms", I would have to accept that it's OK to pay someone to murder, rob, or kidnap another human being. I can't accept that, so "social norms" are out the window for me.
I start with the concept of self ownership and go from there.
Luckily I don't live somewhere that social norms such as these exist. Unless you're taking about soldiers, there has been plenty of social dissent and ostracism over the matter.
Edit: I don't need someone to tell me not to kill in order to keep me from murdering anyone. Is this what stops you from killing anyone, because someone tells you not to?
No, I
wouldn't murder anyone because I think it's wrong. But I
would like to dance down the street naked once in a while (who wouldn't?). I don't think it's wrong to be naked in public once in a while. However my neighbours wouldn't enjoy the spectacle, so I wont dance naked in public because I have to live with my neighbours.
Perhaps you're not following me or I've not been clear. Let's start with a simple example. Your mum tells you you'd better be nice to Aunt Maggie because, although she's a mean old tyrant she's part of the family. You think mean old Aunt Maggie shouldn't spend Christmas with your family because she causes trouble, and you don't want to fake being nice to her.
Do you do what your mum asks even though you think it's against what you think is the right thing to do? I hope you do what mum says because mum is family, and being in a family involves some give and take.
My point is that we all have to do things we don't want to do ( and not do things we'd like to do ) for the good of the society in which we live. If you act in a way that your society finds offensive, do you continue in that manner anyway and incur ostracism?
Why do you think murder is wrong? Because society tells you so? That's not the case where I live. Our society pays men (and women) to travel all over the globe killing people for countless reasons.
I think murder is morally wrong. My social peers agree with me. We show our dissent. Unfortunately the ostracism of our political leaders seems to have had little effect.
I'm following you OK. I would treat old Aunt Maggie exactly how she treats me, regardless of what mum says. Maybe if mum hadn't walked on eggshells around Maggie all her life, Maggie wouldn't be such a tyrant. It's past time for mum and Maggie to learn some lessons about how to interact with others in a civilized manner. Respect is earned, and that applies to family as well.
Your last paragraph contradicts your example. You talk about ostracism, yet you yourself are afraid to use it in the case of mean old Aunt Maggie, so you are stuck with her. I think ostracism is a valid tool that can have positive results, but you have to use it if you want to see those results.
Maybe it wasn't a good example. My family is close knit, and I have no Aunt Maggies. There have been many times I've done something I didn't want to do for the good of the family though. Also, my elders are often wiser than I am, and I've avoided poor choices because I put family before my own preferences and taken their advice. I know I'm not always (or even often) right, which is one reason I like to get feedback from people who face issues with which I'm completely unfamiliar - like you.
So, getting back to the original point - do you only do what you want to do (assuming you want to do only things that adhere your your own moral code) or do you not do some of them because you want stay where you are and not deal with social backlash? Do you enjoy naked dancing in public?
Making the choices a little simpler (simplistic maybe):
1. The cost of accepting any social norm is too high: You do only what you want to do, assuming you're a rational person and a) the things you want to do and b) the things you think are ok to do from the standpoint of your moral code, are one and the same. No one can tell you what to do.
2. Accept social norms only if the cost is not too high. You do mostly what you want to do (with the proviso above) but if what you want to do is not acceptable to others and not doing it will have no significant effect on the quality of your life, you do what is acceptable. Others can tell you what to do if it does not have a significant impact on your quality of life or your moral outlook.
3. Accept only social norms; the cost of any individual opinion is too high: You either never do what you want, or you change your moral standards so they mesh with the majority opinion. You accept that others will always tell you what to do, how to behave, and probably how to think.
I think most people have experienced all of these at some point in their lives, especially as children or teenagers. I tend to go mostly option 2. If you really think that no one can tell you what to do, then option 1 is for you (you lone wolf, you!).