Topic: My advice: A gambling addict brother. - page 4. (Read 635 times)

I don't quite stand in the same page with the advice you gave him. It's possible his brother might be a reckless spender in the past and might have squandered all the money his brother gave him away. That's something that's very bad and any right thinking person has the right to be angry at it but you can't hold the anger against him forever. You have to believe that he can change and help him work out of his addiction. If he wants to start up a new business, why not take the little sacrifice of going with him to the market to see what he intends buying and ensure that you witness him buying all the items he intends buying in your presence? I know some siblings can be very irresponsible but I'm totally against neglecting totally just because they aren't leaving up to what you expect of them.

I've known some drunkards that at some times become hungry and come begging money for food, without a sense of doubt, I'm certain that the possibility of them using the money I gave them to buy alcohol is very high but I can't because of that and refuse helping them when I know that it's possible that they are actually hungry. What I do is to join them to where they want to buy the food, pay for the food and then go away. If I can do that for a stranger then I should be able to do better for my brother. Addiction is not a joke and literally anyone could become addicted. You don't walk out of them and allow them remain helpless. You render the little help that you can and gradually they will learn to do better in there gambling or addictive lifestyle.

Your advice is very correct but you should not tell your neighbor to refuse to give money to his brother just because of your sentiments towards gambling addiction. On the one hand, you only hear stories from your neighbors (the addict's older siblings) without seeing what actually happens because maybe there is something you don't know.

My suggestion is that you take back your previous suggestion and advise your neighbor to ask how much his younger wants. If the amount is not too big, just give him the money but under supervision or in other words monitor him whether the money is really for building a business.
If the money given is used for gambling again, you can give the first advice you said before when the younger sibling asks for money again for another reason.

In my opinion you gave the wrong advice.

you have no proof that your neighbor is really telling the truth about his brother's situation, most of the time some people, when they don't want to give money or don't want to help other people, use arguments that to some extent tarnish other people's image while cleaning their own images so as not to help other people. In this case you should first ask your neighbor if there is any proof that his brother was addicted to gambling, this proof should be a medical examination. Secondly, you should ask your neighbor how much money he has given to his brother and in what month and year he gave it to him

Thirdly, you should have asked your neighbor what kind of business his brother intends to do. After that you could give the following advice:

1 - that he take his brother to a doctor for an examination to determine whether he is addicted or not, if it is proven in the examination that he is addicted, that he pay for the treatment

2 - that he take his brother's idea and open his brother's business, if the brother is undergoing treatment for addiction, then he will take care of the business until the brother is cured.

We have to be very careful when giving people advice. imagine your neighbor following your advice while his brother is telling the truth about business? then you would be destroying the sibling relationship because of money. The day your neighbor dies, they won't call you, but they will call your brother. you don't abandon a brother

Overall, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with the advice you gave to this person, friend, by suggesting not to give any money to his brother who has been identified as a gambler, because in addition it has been proven that in the past when he gave money to his younger brother, it was Instead, they use it and spend it to fulfill their gambling habits.

On the other hand, I also understand what you feel OP, that you feel bad because you have advised this person not to help their own sibling, but actually it is not a problem to use it as a form of caution, even if for example they are their own sibling. So I can't assume or say that your actions are wrong, but if I were in your position then I would most likely tell the person to first confirm whether what his sister said was true or a lie about who he would use the money for. for business purposes, at least by looking for some real evidence related to the business that will be run, and if it turns out that he doesn't find any evidence that can be trusted then I will advise him not to give any money to his younger brother.

I don't see anything bad about the advice you gave your neighbor. If I am the one I will advise him the same.

Nobody will feel happy when they learn that the money they gave out to their sibling is not used judiciously on relevant things, but instead on gambling.

I can't have a brother who is a gambling addict and expects me to be giving him money. I can't try that, even if he needs money for an important thing. Giving him money for that will still push him to their luck on gambling for one time since he has money on his hands.

Someone who's a gambling addict doesn't use huge money given to them for useful things. Giving them money is always a waste if the addiction to gambling doesn't leave them. To give them money, you will first of all treat the addiction before giving them money. The way to treat that, withdraw giving them money. Let them work for themselves, and see how it feels when the money they work for is not utilized in a proper way

However, at times in life, it is good to say no to the demands of people. Rendering financial help to our siblings or friends each time they call for it, makes them feel like money is been plucked from the tree. Saying no to their demands for money will make them sit up to whatever they are doing, that they should spend money wisely

I feel pity for your neighbor that is giving the gamble addict supports all these while and he is gambling with the funds. It might be true or not that your neighbors brother wants to use the money to set up a business but that doesn't mean that your neighbor shoukd not be nervous.

I will not advice anyone not to give a helping hand to his siblings because we are the only ones that they can look up to for help. Tell your neighbor to give his brother the last doubt and only give him half of the money, if he sees that his younger brother really started the business, he can give him the other part.

You have done well comrade. I understand the point you are trying to make here based on your experience with gamblers. The reply or advice you gave your friend is what some others would still give him. Your friend too is also on the same decision because him not taking his brothers call and to extent of avoiding him means that he would still come up with such resolution to o away with the idea of funding his brothers business as a result of the fact that his brother is a gambler who he has helped in the past but ended up squandering the money on gambling.

Anyone in his shoes would feel the same way because it would not be making any sense giving out huge amount of money which took your time and efforts to earn either as a worker or a business man and only for you to discover that it ended up being used for gambling. It is natural that anyone in such situation would definitely avoid such person because they can not stand the face of meeting with such person saying no to their plea not to talk of when it is your sibling.

Nevertheless, his brother should have looked for a means to making sure everything he spent for the business be accounted for in the sense that he would be very much involved in the business either as a partner to oversee the business till it stands or he supervises him till the business stands successfully or he assigns someone to do the task on his behalf if he is not chanced to do so.

Another way to hold his brother accountable is to personally pay for ye business and makes sure he gives account on daily basis as per how the business was for the day so as to keep track records of how his brother is going about the business. He should not give up on his bro but guide him and coach him if the needs be.

Your friend is definitely addicted to gambling because he has many reasons to get money instead of building his business, so that's how he gets money easily asking his brother.

Wanting to do business but still happy to play gambling when there is money, it is useless that there is business capital money will run out, let alone the profit earned, because I have the thought that gambling addiction will be difficult to stop, especially if he holds money, he will play again and waste his money.

Your advice is not wrong, I would also say so not to give a penny, let him look for himself to get his business capital, even though his brother wants him to succeed like other relatives, it would be better for him to do without any help.

Your advice was not a bad one considering that brother B is suffering from gambling disorder. You are scared that he could use the money to gamble and end up wasting the money. It could also be possible that this man wants to invest the money in a business, nobody can verify this fact based on your story. My advice would be that the gambling addict will have to prove to his brother that the money will not be used for gambling. Maybe he would have to monitor him to check if he is still addicted.

Another option will be for Brother A to follow up with Brother B as he prepares for the business. Instead of giving Brother B the money, Brother A can decide to purchase the goods that Brother B wants to sell. Instead of giving him money to rent a shop space, brother A should pay the rent. Brother A can also safely give Brother B what he can afford to lose. He shouldn't give him what he asks for but what he can afford to lose. Give a sum that even if he gambles it off, it wouldn't pain him so much.

There nothing wrong with what you did mate. You just decided to share you own opinion about his personal problem. The only thing is that you should have not gone straight to the point and ask him not to help. You could have told him to just sit his brother down and ask him about his business before offering to help. For me I don't see anything wrong though, as it's clearly obvious that his brother is addicted and using the money to gamble. I won't want to give out my money to an addict no matter how close we are related. If I know he will gamble with the funds I won't give him a penny. I'll rather help him start a business let him manage.

You gave the right advice and you should not give a penny to a gambling addict (in the same way with any other addiction), otherwise the addicted brother will spend everything on gambling, as before. This is the next stage of addiction, when people addicted to gambling, having lost all their money and property, begin to lose money from friends and relatives. It is not permissible to encourage them to do this.

Family will always be family and it is not right that a family would turn their back on their helpless brother without properly investigating to know if he is telling the truth or not. Moreover, avoiding to give him money or any other thing of value will not make him stop gambling. If care is not taken, he might start stealing or selling off family's properties just to satisfy his addiction. First, they need to find out why he gambles the way he does and see a way to help him get out of it.

While they are at it, they just have to avoid giving him money directly. All his financial needs including business plans should pass through a third party who would ensure that the money is being used for the right reasons. Neglecting the addict will not change him, he would find other means to gamble.

You did the right thing as a friend. Don't marinade on the details.

As a friend, it's always better to be honest with them even though it will hurt them. That's my motto in my life and I know many friends do hate me for doing that. But, I don't need to live with that, it's them who needs to live with whatever lie you will tell them if you try to be the good man and say "Give him more because he is your family.".
Should you be blamed for telling the truth? No. But if you tell a lie, do you really thing you can live with that and sleep sound? No, I don't think so. We are made to have conscience and that will bug you for many nights if you tell him what you don't agree with.

He can still helps his brother but not for gambling because that can makes his brother get deeper. Maybe he can asks his brother to go to rehabilitation center to cure his gambling addiction although that will not easy to do that.
If his brother wants to do some business, he must search for more details so he knows that his brother will use that money for the right thing. I know that is a hard situation because you suggest him not to gives money to his brother but you do the right thing if his brother only use the money for gambling.
He can suggest to his brother that he will join with his brother to manages the business so he will know how the business running. He can also watch his brother and slowly he can try to makes his brother focus with the business.

What your friend did was come to you with a problem at hand and needed advice from you, which you gave him based on your honest belief, which I don't see anything to feel bad about here. 
 
If he is in for genuine business, he should try and hustle out the money and let him start it. If the business already exists, he can gain the trust of his family again, and only then can they be willing to help him push further. 

I think he needs to be accountable for What the brother is doing to himself. Being addicted to gambling isn’t a good thing and he should know that if you continue to tolerate that behavior then it will never stop.

I think maybe you could do a condition where if he can stop himself from gambling then you would try to help him and oversee what he is doing with the money.

Letting him see a professional Would probably help him to stop it. Suggest that there should be a discussion with the family members about this problem.

That's true, but I read that @OP's neighbor had many experience where his brother didn't pay back the money to him, so even though @OP didn't give any advice, I think @OP's neighbor will choose to not give the money since he had bad experience.


It's better to not fall in such situation, but there's always someone who want to share his personal problem to other people just to get support or he just want to express it to make him feel better.

You really think that's going to evolve out fine on the long run? We are talking about a practical gambling addict with proven similar actions, what then is the assurance that he won't run down the business when he gets to be in charge. It's very hard to trust gambling addicts with finances and hoping they don't misbehave.

Wish I had a way to avoid it at that instance in my own interest. Being the bad guy was what I was worried about after giving that advise but should things turn out to happen in a way that my neighbor is cool with then I think I don't have to worry about what his bro would think or feel about me, we ain't close and I don't know him except for his brother that's my neighbor.

I think the same. I would not have found myself in that situation, and I would have tried to avoid it as much as possible. Although the answer the OP gave is the least bad one. I guess there is quite a familiar relationship even if they are ‘only’ neighbours. It's not like neighbours in many cities who don't even know the next door neighbour's name.

Your shoes I would give the same advice and it is the perfect advice to give. Ideally when it comes to business people want to give out money to an already existing business period that is a business that even though it's in its early stages can show that they have done something, a proven track record. Therefore the brother is an investor and that is what investors do.