Topic: What's the best advice or should I just let him - page 3. (Read 518 times)

As he is not yet addicted but on the way to becoming addicted so at this point if possible he should be given an early idea of addiction otherwise he may go astray. If he is given advance ideas he can keep himself very safe there. But I don't know how long he has been gambling. If he has gambling habit for a long time then I think it will not have any harmful effect for him but if gambling for a short period of time then chances of him getting addicted will increase. Since he is single, gambling can be a good platform for him to pass the time. Since he is gambling with his own money, no one has the right to say anything to him.

I don't think old people doing stuff means it's something they missed when they were young. I started betting at a young age and I have no plans of stopping even when I grow old.

You seem to have developed a deep friendship so maybe there is a way to find out if he is betting small amounts or something big already. Because betting regularly with minimal amounts is not worrisome. You can approach him when he is in a good mood and do it like you're just joking or when both of you are laughing or having fun.

Provided he is indeed betting huge amounts then the best thing is to just simply tell him the truth. The house rules and everything. You can also persuade him into sports betting in order for him to limit his bets. Sports betting also needs time since doing some research is needed. Ask him about his favorite sports and his teams and athletes.

You're doing well to notice these things. It's what neighbors do, right? They protect each other. Your neighbor is a senior and deserves to enjoy his years, money, and time. But enjoyment has limited. It's no longer fun when it becomes addiction, a major issue. You must step in, but do so carefully. You don't rush in and tell him his problem. No, that's not how you do it. You talk, you converse, you build trust. You must be the expert he doesn't know he needs. Share stories of how internet gambling can get out of hand and how it's meant to keep you playing and betting.

Knowing that he is very active in online casinos and gambling, I thought that he was already addicted to gambling.
I'd see his situation as all about making himself enjoy instead of getting bored alone. In fact, his children are professionals already which means that he never worries about their future aside from pleasing himself and doesn't bother to tell his children because probably they will stop him.

You either tell him not to really get into addiction or neglect his health but suggesting he will stop gambling, it surely doesn't work.

Nobody is above correction. He is a senior citizen doesn't mean that he knows everything. For me, if I see anyone going astray and I have the opportunity to help I will gladly do that. If you observe that he is getting addicted, as a responsible gambler you should give some advice. But this will depend on some factors like:

1- You have to be sure that your observation is true so that it will not be as if you are insulting him. Ensure you observe him very well to ascertain if he is indeed suffering from gambling disorder.

2- Your involvement in his personal life will also depend on the culture of your area. Some societies are highly individualistic. Everybody minds their business and you don't have the right to intrude on people's matters. But if your location upholds interaction with neighbors, then you have good footings to advise him.

3- You shouldn't just start advising him without making him your friend. Let there be a relationship between both of you before you go on with the advice about his addiction.

4- Advise him respectfully. Choose your words carefully and control the tone of your voice. Don't forget that the elderly can be easily irritated and feel insulted. You should also be ready for any response, don't be offended too.

You have a point, You can approach him politely or talked with him about on what he's doing but dont give him an advice if you're not asked for it. Maybe what you supposed to do as a concern neighbor is to check him if he's okay or you can accompany him if he needs someone to talk to, I think playing gambling is one of his coping mechanism because he just misses his children or possible he is sad. You're right, mostly senior citizens is very sensitive in everything that's why i suggest to not interfere in his hobby. Just let him enjoy his retirement life.

As you said the lady is a widow and she is living on pension money. He is living with his children with the salary of a caretaker of pension money but in this way he can not only lead a normal life but more to bring up the children and educate them well thinking that maybe he is at such a stage of age that gambling is his profession. Chosen as  If he can master gambling properly and gamble the right way then I think he can provide a good financial support to his family from here. As that old lady is your neighbor it is your responsibility to help her as much as you can. I am not talking about financial help as he has chosen gambling as his profession but you will give him as much knowledge and help as you can about gambling and hope he will benefit greatly.

   -  I don't think you need to advise him anymore because he is just enjoying his life; he has finished or fulfilled his job as a father to his children.

As far as I can see, gambling is just a hobby; just let him do what he wants to do, and I also think that he is satisfied and happy with the
life he has reached and for his children as well, in my opinion. Then you know that most senior citizens are sensitive, and do you think they should take gambling seriously? I don't think so.

actually this problem is not that important because there is has nothing to do with you @OP and this is their personal matter, but if you are worried about your neighbor there is no harm in giving advice but with wise words so as not to be easily offended, but it seems like this woman he was just lonely, he used the money for his personal enjoyment, maybe if he wasn't lonely and had someone to chat with, the woman would be able to forget about gambling gradually, someone who was familiar with gambling when he was young, in old age would definitely want to do it again occasionally just for fun. becomes entertainment for those who experience loneliness in old age so it actually doesn't matter even if the woman gambles because she may not be chasing losses or becoming addicted because her goal may be just for entertainment.

Do you noticed something as a bad effect of his gambling activity? If not, then let him be because maybe that's his way to entertain himself. Moreover, as a senior living alone (with his helper) away from his family, you really need an activity to spend your time and enjoy to prevent thinking of bad thoughts like the feeling of being neglected.

So just be a neighbor that he can talk to. You can give advice especially if you're a gambler as well but don't make it to a point that you seem interfering to his business.

I would say that you carefully approach him and try to know him a bit better before drawing some conclusions on whether you should giving him advice on what to do or not, because in the end it is important to know whether your advice could make him feel upset or not. There are senior citizens who do not like to be told what they are supposed to do.
Once you get to know him a bit more, then I would advise you to make your own judgment and advice him if you feel it is the right thing to do, one is always supposed to be led by ones own principles.
If I was in your position, for example, I think I would indeed step forward and talk to him about how to protect his bankroll and his mental health, but there will be always people who would not care about it, because it is not their Problem.

It is on you, Op.

If you have got an approach you consider good and a good strategy to manage his his gambling activity I think it will be nice to share with him but know that it will come with initial resistance after which if he tries it out nd it works he will definitely be grateful.

He may be doing it just for the fun because it's possible he uses only spare cash or funds for such so I think if you advise him and he it works he will listen so that he doesn't continually loose on the games. One thing about the fun in gambling is that you may enjoy it so much that you wouldn't know when you are becoming addicted especially for a retired person who does only little and have enough time to spare.

I don't know what's the big deal there. Why not just enjoy your talks without being advanced thinking about what will happen in the future?

He should have more knowledge of you dealing with gambling addiction. Since that old man is your newly moved neighbor you didn't even know how long he's been into on that gambling activity. It's not that he will turn his gambling habit into addiction or maybe he was already there before.

Just listen to his story whenever engaged with each other. Don't interfere with how should he manage his gambling habit.

You cant teach an old dog new tricks, it would be more dangerous if he were drinking too much then something fairly harmless.   I dont think he is in much danger and not from anything he has not seen and experience prior so maybe he could teach you something rather then vice versa.  I would help out someone old with only the things they hadnt seen before, maybe certain tech aspects and security perhaps.

It cannot be denied that sometimes we feel reluctant to give advice to older people, because there are some of them who don't like hearing advice from younger people, or they are closed-minded about what other people say. But this may only be a few. However, we do need to be careful in every set of words when giving advice, so that we don't directly appear as if we are patronizing them. This is a bit difficult indeed.

So, he lives alone, right?
I thought, is it because he feels lonely? So his gambling activities are done to fill his time because he feels lonely? Sometimes we don't know the reason why someone enters the world of gambling. However, if you look at the situation, if he only gambles on weekends, it means this is to fill his time. Even though the weekend should be spent with his family, because he is alone, he might feel bored and that is one way to make him happy.

but it's true. Gambling, if done continuously and uncontrolled, can later become an addiction, and of course this will have bad consequences. especially at a young age, it might have an impact on his health. So, maybe you can just remind yourself to keep yourself safe so you don't get caught up in gambling continuously and only do it to fill your limited free time on weekends. not become a routine, and know when to stop. This may not be easy to get rid of if it has become a habit. but actually, maybe your children need to know this so that they can at least spend time together on the weekend. Even though he can't stop it 100%, at least he can reduce and manage his gambling time.

I guess your neighbor is just having a good time again he's a senior and he spent all of his time in too much working and that's the time he just having fun his life, those gambling his doing is just his leisure time or just hobby I guess in my country those are the common things they are doing just to relax like that, introducing him gambling in crypto is vague to him so I guess best ideal is to let him what he doing.
Again those incentives is just enough to their needs or unless their children giving them funds more than that. Base on my experience with the people surround me it's just their fun time.

Yes, they have enough knowledge at this age. Maybe deep down, they know this is not good for them. But they want to enjoy what they like, even if it's wrong. It's completely valid in this case. We will also fall into that situation later, yearning for things our youth cannot do. Because time cannot come back for us to do that, let's do it while we can, even if we get older. What we need to do is help them silently monitor or, in the worst case, peacefully resolve the consequences they cause.

I say let him enjoy. I don't think he has or would have that many problems in terms of money due to his pension plus his kids, but it might be better to let them know about it though.  They might reduce or manage the money involved he uses in playing, but it's probably a lot better imo than letting them discover he needs money for doing something else (which probably increases every now and then due to increasing frequency). If he doesn't take it well, then it might be better to just tell his children. Might seem like we are throwing the problem to them, which we are, but it's a lot better to find it sooner than later imo. They'd pretty much find a middle ground anyway since they're much more open to the details of the flow of money involved.

Maybe this is an issue that is not important to some people because it will only waste time, energy and thoughts. but here I strongly support the steps you want to take and this shows that you still have a sense of empathy as a human being who has noble values, likes to help, cares about each other and is balanced. And here you already know that senior citizens are "sensitive" to advice and criticism, especially if the person who tries to criticize and give advice is someone younger than him because he thinks that he is more experienced than you, so it is not impossible if later the person will ignore and dismiss all the criticism and suggestions that you throw at him.  But still, age and experience cannot guarantee that the person is mature enough to do everything including gambling. So before you take further steps to try to advise or try to make him realize the alarming activities that he has been doing, it would be better if you give an understanding of a saying that says "don't look at who is talking, but look at what he is talking about". And I am sure, if the person can fully understand the content and meaning of the saying, then he will voluntarily listen well to all forms of criticism and suggestions that you give him.

I won't do that if I am in your position.
Simply because he is old and he knows what he is doing. And if he is living alone I don't think he will need much money for his own food and other expenses. His money will be received monthly as a pensioner so there's no chance he could spend all his pension.
What you can do? Just be a friend. In case he needs help, that's when you will come in. But, not to scold him about his mistakes, just give him some little tips on how to stretch his budget while still enjoying all his gambling habits.
Most of these guys don't have much to do and they are just enjoying themselves through that means. Let's not snatch that from them just because we think we are clean.