When there is war, those in power or the authorities would send their children out of the country and to a safer location where they wouldn’t be affected by the war. And they themselves will also be the location where the war will also not affect them.
It is usually the poor people that just goes in at their orders to fight against themselves and lose their lives for these elites. So, it never even affects those at the top. Their own is just to sit there and make orders, while the poor people die for the decision that they make and they do not care at all because they and their families are not the ones that are being affected by the war they start.
This works for the attacking side, but not for the defending one. If we consider the situation on the example of Ukraine, for most of our people this is definitely not a war to which the government sends them. This is a war for each of us. Because each of us is under attack. Because everyone has already lost something because of this unprovoked aggression. Because for everyone it is a personal matter, not just a matter of public or state good.
Your assertion that leaders and their relatives are safe, so that thet son`t care at all, does not work either. The family of our President is in Ukraine. Just like him. He was offered to leave, but he refused. Precisely because it is not just a war for territory, or a showdown over who will take the biggest bite, it is a matter of preserving one's independence. And the government understands that if civilians lose this sovereignty, the path will be the same for them.
There is currently no family in Ukraine that has not been affected by the war. People do not lose their lives for the sake of elites. If you know at least a little about the history of Ukraine and its present, you should understand that Ukrainians have never done this in general and do not do it now. We lose our lives just because of what we believe in and what we protect. And we are defending ourselves now.