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Topic: Free Tradecoins (TDC) - Just Post Jokes (Read 7293 times)
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
GMohjBD524FfA4hW6ASqATN6i6fsVff8Vt
THANK YOU!
What do you call a woman with one leg
Eileen (I lean)
What do you call a guy with a shovel in his hand
Doug
What do you call a guy in the middle of the ocean
Bob
What do you call a guy in the middle of the ocean with no arms and no legs
F@$ked (screwed)
luv short quick jokes
GR3kffBw46ei2B81DtpteHk2AQoPQngkrQ
thanks
Eileen (I lean)
What do you call a guy with a shovel in his hand
Doug
What do you call a guy in the middle of the ocean
Bob
What do you call a guy in the middle of the ocean with no arms and no legs
F@$ked (screwed)
luv short quick jokes
GR3kffBw46ei2B81DtpteHk2AQoPQngkrQ
thanks
GcZhQdhb1Q3iDubBwQvjxioccVqpTY6t7d
Thanks
Windows Pay
LAST YEAR I REPLACED ALL THE WINDOWS IN MY HOUSE, WITH THOSE EXPENSIVE DOUBLE-PANE ENERGY EFFICIENT KIND. BUT THIS WEEK I GOT A CALL FROM THE CONTRACTOR COMPLAINING THAT HIS WORK HAD BEEN COMPLETED A WHOLE YEAR AGO, AND I HAD YET TO PAY FOR THEM!
BOY OH BOY, DID WE GO AROUND! JUST BECAUSE I'M BLONDE DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM AUTOMATICALLY STUPID!
SO, I PROCEEDED TO TELL HIM JUST WHAT HIS FAST TALKING SALES GUY HAD TOLD ME LAST YEAR...THAT IN ONE YEAR THE WINDOWS WOULD PAY FOR THEMSELVES!
THERE WAS A SILENCE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE SO I HUNG UP AND I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK.
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
LAST YEAR I REPLACED ALL THE WINDOWS IN MY HOUSE, WITH THOSE EXPENSIVE DOUBLE-PANE ENERGY EFFICIENT KIND. BUT THIS WEEK I GOT A CALL FROM THE CONTRACTOR COMPLAINING THAT HIS WORK HAD BEEN COMPLETED A WHOLE YEAR AGO, AND I HAD YET TO PAY FOR THEM!
BOY OH BOY, DID WE GO AROUND! JUST BECAUSE I'M BLONDE DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM AUTOMATICALLY STUPID!
SO, I PROCEEDED TO TELL HIM JUST WHAT HIS FAST TALKING SALES GUY HAD TOLD ME LAST YEAR...THAT IN ONE YEAR THE WINDOWS WOULD PAY FOR THEMSELVES!
THERE WAS A SILENCE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE SO I HUNG UP AND I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK.
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
Today's Joke:
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."
The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"
Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
Here is my wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."
The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"
Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
Here is my wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma
So a man and his wife are in bed one night when he suggests they have sex.
The wife says "no, I have to go to the OBGYN tomorrow and want to be clean."
The husband rolls over in his bed distraught, but after a moment, he turns back
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?"
Give it to a charity.
The wife says "no, I have to go to the OBGYN tomorrow and want to be clean."
The husband rolls over in his bed distraught, but after a moment, he turns back
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?"
Give it to a charity.
sent
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
GbuYjeuC9ats7J9swbsB8M7HSqVETM7SFK
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
GbuYjeuC9ats7J9swbsB8M7HSqVETM7SFK
Today's Joke:
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.
The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"
Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"
The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
Here is my Wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket.
The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!"
Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?"
The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
Here is my Wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma
One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called tench. The fisherman couldn''t eat them all so they gave them to the Mayor of the town. The Mayor wasn''t sure what to do with them. Then he had an idea; he would have a fish-eating competition.
When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks; and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.
So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn''t eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.
The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!
Send TDCs to: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y
When they had the competition, there were two finalists: a man from a place called Fife, whose name was Mr. Hicks; and a man that was from Sweden, whose name is Sven.
So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn''t eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the competition. So Sven kept on eating and ended up eating nine of these tench fish.
The next day the headlines read: ONE TOOTH FREE FOR FIFE HICKS, SVEN ATE NINE TENCH!
Send TDCs to: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y
(Memo to office staff)
Terrorist Warnings!!
Recently we have received credible intelligence that there have been seven terrorists working in our office.
Six of the seven have already been apprehended: Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin, Bin Drinkin and Bin
Ass-Kissin have all been taken into custody.
At this time, no one fitting the description of the seventh cell member, Bin Workin, has been found.. We are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.
You are OBVIOUSLY not a suspect at this time. So keep on doing what you Bin Doing.
GNEnCGhVgZAgba81Bh4UszBbDiP5rWn2Lq
thanks
Terrorist Warnings!!
Recently we have received credible intelligence that there have been seven terrorists working in our office.
Six of the seven have already been apprehended: Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin, Bin Drinkin and Bin
Ass-Kissin have all been taken into custody.
At this time, no one fitting the description of the seventh cell member, Bin Workin, has been found.. We are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot.
You are OBVIOUSLY not a suspect at this time. So keep on doing what you Bin Doing.
GNEnCGhVgZAgba81Bh4UszBbDiP5rWn2Lq
thanks
Better Late Than Never
Two accountants are in a bank when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line up the customers, including the accountants, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, the first accountant jams something into the second accountants hand. Without looking down, the second accountant whispers, "What is this?" To which the first accountant replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
Two accountants are in a bank when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line up the customers, including the accountants, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, the first accountant jams something into the second accountants hand. Without looking down, the second accountant whispers, "What is this?" To which the first accountant replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
Joke: This coin is a joke
sent
THE BEST DRUNK STORY
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says......
'Grandpa.......Go home! You're drunk.'
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says......
'Grandpa.......Go home! You're drunk.'
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
Today's Joke:
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”
The man said, “Here and there.”
The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”
The man said, “This and that.”
The judge then said, “Take him away.”
The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”
The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.”
Here is my Wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”
The man said, “Here and there.”
The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”
The man said, “This and that.”
The judge then said, “Take him away.”
The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”
The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.”
Here is my Wallet: GJuxiqE5h85PS1B1xg8s158krVWToYwbma
Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''
Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''
Send TDCs to: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y
Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''
Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''
Send TDCs to: GZugQscFvTjAVhyQaWfxi316MTdaQq8N5y
all sent
Up Is Down And Down Is Up
A research scientist dropped a piece of buttered toast on the floor and was amazed to see that it landed butter-side up, thereby disproving the long-held theory that toast always lands butter-side down. Thinking that he might have made an important breakthrough that could lead to the rewriting of science textbooks, he took the slice of toast to a colleague for his observations.
"How could it be that when I dropped this slice of toast, it landed butter-side up when all previous knowledge suggests that the opposite should have occurred?"
"It's easy," said the colleague. "You must have buttered the wrong side."
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
A research scientist dropped a piece of buttered toast on the floor and was amazed to see that it landed butter-side up, thereby disproving the long-held theory that toast always lands butter-side down. Thinking that he might have made an important breakthrough that could lead to the rewriting of science textbooks, he took the slice of toast to a colleague for his observations.
"How could it be that when I dropped this slice of toast, it landed butter-side up when all previous knowledge suggests that the opposite should have occurred?"
"It's easy," said the colleague. "You must have buttered the wrong side."
GRxgQNP3aeeWiu87JKgeyotvHSVmoza2sP
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