legendary
Activity: 1050
Merit: 1000
Hello - as much as I try to kid myself and lie to others, I'm very much addicted to gambling.
I don't know whether I have been incredibly stubbern, ignorant or gullable that I could win my way 'back, or probably all 3, but it's taken me 8 years to confess.
I'm 26 coming on a miserable 86. Well, I think gamblings why I'm miserable? :shock:
I started gambling small stakes during my childhood as my dads a keen punter and I used to join in the fun.
It wasn't until I hit 18, that betting 1 or 2 pound at a time wasn't enough. I think the lust for winning big had started to take hold of me.
During my late teens and early 20's, whilst at university I had a lot of free time. Sadly, due to my lack of a 'real' life', I also had a lot of my student loan available to spend or as I choose to waste.
After leaving university, I had a period of unemployment, so I took to the sollace of benefits. It helped me greatly as I struggled to find work, but still my gambling kept going and I kept on wasting it. People go to work, pay taxes and it went to the likes of me who just wasted it on a horse running against 7 others? - I should have been ashamed of myself, but I wasn't and I kept on.
I got a job and as I deliberately avoided a social life, that job provided me with money to gamble with each week. I used to log on to the free computers at lunchtimes and lose all the money I had earnt in that previous week, walk back to my own desk and would not have even flinched.
I quit that job because I realised my life was going no where and I was a complete idiot. I think that was where I realised I had made errors in my life (gambling!)
I decided that I should live my dream of travelling and I put my head down in a temporary job as a means to save for that dream. I started to save a bit and also started to control my gambling, well win and log off. Betting inplay I made over 4500k in 3 months.
I was ready to go to Australia and start again. I tried to buy my ticket and my bank card refused, I was mad, I didn't even think about anything else nor realise about using other cards, I just jumped straight into comfort zone and gambled. But this time, I gambled all my money away in the space of maybe 2hrs.
This then resulted in me living at home, working in a temporary job that hated and gambling all my wages every month in the vain attempt of getting it back. That period quickly resulted in 2 years of lost wages, no social life and a real waste of my life.
In that time, I had also managed to work my way into a 3k overdraft, maxed out every month.
Did it affect me? - I don't think so. At 25, I decided I needed to make a bold move and after a friends advice, I got myself a job teaching English in Korea as a means to paying off my overdraft.
I borrowed money from friends to buy my ticket (I say friends, because the first person lent me 500 and I lost it on a bet) and was on my way.
In the 18 months that have now passed, I still find myself in Korea. But, now I have a really good social life. I love my job and my life here. Whether spending years teaching English will be good for my future career, I don't know, nonetheless my actual life has been great.
I live well here and send money home at the end of the month. I've managed to pay off my friends and got upto no debts and 500 pound of my own money, but after a 54 day break from gambling, I have falling back in, have maxed my Overdraft and credit card and am back to step 1.
I can feesibly leave debt in June (by banking everything I send home) - really I should be grateful of this fact. Daily I see lots of the older generations in Korea struggle. Relative poverty is visible, yet I just go home, log on and lose a grand at Cheltenham.
But, the truth is I'm not grateful. And having so much money and luck in life has only fuelled an arrogance streak to my personality, that is just horrid, really.
And I still believe I can 'win' my way back (to what stage of my minus 25k betting history?) to the way it used to be.
I still sit here ignorant to what I have just written and remain obnoxious.
this is one of the best stories out there i ever saw