Yeah, Alcohol was the first drug I was addicted to. I wish there were no drugs except the ones that grow from the ground naturally..
Alcohol is not really unnatural, and it actually exist naturally in nature (thanks to naturally occurring yeast).
this how people in prison make alcohol right, from collecting fruits.
Well, I think it generally involves dirty socks, fruit juice boxes, and a whole lot of unintentional vinegar production - but yeah, basically.
Making wine at home is terribly easy and costs roughly nothing in supplies outside the actual fruit you use (assuming you're not fortunate enough to have fruits on your property or in a public place where you can pick). You can even use bread yeast if you don't want to spend extra on higher-ABV brewing or wine yeast. You can take a 2L soda bottle, or a fruit juice bottle, or a gallon jug, keep the cap very loosely closed (so at no pressure difference, there's no exchange of air, but it starts hissing at you or popping it's lid a bit once the yeast starts outputting gas) and ensure you've sterilized everything you're using (boil or freeze the fruit, use a weak bleach solution and fill the container you want to use, sloshing it around every 20m or so, then rinse thoroughly -- allegedly, hobos simply make their wine in discarded bleach containers since they're effectively sterilized already and not at a high-enough concentration to harm the yeast while having a slight anti-microbial effect on whatever nasties might try growing). That makes gross wine, though -- it needs to be filtered, preferably at least three times through a coffee filter.
Liquor is more difficult. You want to start with a filtered wine which has completely finished fermenting with wine yeast. I've successfully distilled using a large pot (with a thick, ceramic bowl floating in the center) over an electric stove with aluminum foil on top using ice on top of the foil to make the divot and encourage condensation. You simply put the wine in the large pot, turn the heat on ~medium, and check the temperature. Once the wine reaches ~172*F, dump everything from your floating ceramic bowl into the sink (it's mostly methanol) and bring the heat down until the wine temperature stabilizes at ~200*F. Keep it there for a couple hours (replenishing ice stocks as needed). Then empty whatever's left in the large pot, clean it, and dump the contents of the ceramic bowl into the large pot. Repeat this process two more times (once with liquor @ 190*F, and a last pass @ 180*F) and you should have some fairly strong alcohol. Just be prepared to get a little from a lot - similar to cheesemaking -- you start with this massive amount and you're going through multiple processes to get out the stuff you don't want. Similar to cheesemaking, good equipment is going to give you far superior results, and the ghetto pot method's a pretty shitty and cumbersome process compared to some of the stuff you can build at home or buy online (yes, you can buy little distilleries for the home, and some even work with conduction heaters).
With the end liquor, though, you can do whatever you'd like to make it into a quick, rough approximation your preferred liquor. TBH, there shouldn't be much more than a negligible amount of flavor from whatever you produced it from -- all this "vodka from [insert exotic ingredient]" bullshit is just that. You can, for example, turn rice wine to a rough version of whiskey with a mason jar and some charcoal (umm... natural charcoal -- don't use briquettes, for God's sake!) - and because you have a high amount of surface volume, you don't need to wait years for age like you would if you had a giant supply of liquor aging in traditional, giant charred barrel.
Cigarettes, similarly, can be made easily and cheaply at home, and of course, they're quite natural, too (not to say, in any way, that they're healthful). I have no idea why people are buying cigarettes at stores and gas stations these days. Use that Internet you pay for, invest ~$40 in an injection roller which lasts practically forever (alternately, some states allow you to lease time on fancy automatic rolling machines at tobacco stores, but this is an unnecessary expense and who the Hell wants to wait around in a tobacco shop with all those damned weirdos?), buy 5lbs of "pipe tobacco" and ~10 200-packs of filters, and you're good to go. It doesn't take long to get the muscle memory right to push out a few cartons of perfect cigarettes an hour, which should hopefully last an addict at least a couple weeks.
I actually ran the numbers on this one... it should cost significantly under $20 to make a carton of cigarettes at home, while most people are paying $40-50, or something like $80 in the particularly tax-happy states of the US.
If you're really too lazy for that biz (and I'll admit, it can be messy, but we have an unfinished basement serving almost no purpose, so whatever), you can also simply buy "little cigars" online. Ironically, "cigarette" literally means "little cigar," but legally, a "cigar" generally only needs to be wrapped in tobacco leaves (including pulverized leaves which look just like brown paper) to avoid the punitive tax rates in most states - and yes, they companies making this do put filters on these just like "real cigarettes" because the law's that fucking stupid. I'm sure there're better brands, but the only ones I've tried are
here, and they taste like shit, smoke like you're trying to suck air out of a clenched asshole.... but they're unbelievably cheap. (side-note: WCC is crazy about promo codes and clearance sales -- I've bought decent and large cigars at ~$.85/ea shipped there)
