Topic: Setting up financial structures before going into the family way - page 9. (Read 1077 times)

Well you have made a very good point and zaguru12 also has pointed out some important areas that need attention too. This conversation seems to be more matured for those that are almost ready for marriage or those married already, it sounds quit weird to kids like us because we are not matured for marriage.

Afaik, love is not enough for marriage, before you get married discuss bills, parenting styles, credit, debt, how to deal with family, what believe will be installed in your children, childhood traumas, sexual expectations, partner expectations, financial expectations, family health history, bucket list, dream home, career and education, political view etc. because love is not enough.

If you can discuss the above points no matter the financial stability or situation marriage can be fixed properly.

We women love money and will never be happy and okay in a relationship or union where there is no money, and no hope to get money because our partner is looking relaxed and not want to push themselves to get more. Just as we fall in love, we can also fall out of love quickly. Every young man should make sure that they have a source of income and are sure of the source of income being able to manage them first before bringing in another person as a partner. The people who will pressure you into marriage will not be there to support you always when things financially rough for you, you have to plan well.

Of course, when we get married, money becomes an important factor in the household. We know that money can't buy everything but if we have enough money then our life will be better. When we are married, love alone is not enough, money is usually one of the factors that makes our household harmonious or not. I admit that many couples can be harmonious even though their economic conditions are bad, but in general no one likes conditions like that and it is the man/husband who has the biggest responsibility in economic conditions.

However, we don't need to wait to become rich before finally deciding to get married. When we have a job that produces a stable monthly income then that is enough for us to get married. I believe that a wife or child brings her own wealth and often we find our way to that wealth when we are married

I won't blame the current generation if they don't want to bother themselves  in things such as marriage, having kids, and things that forces them to spend too much continuously. It's one of the things I also try to avoid since I know that while I'm already financially stable, I still don't have enough money to raise kids or even spend on a marriage. Truth is, no one will ever be financially ready for such big things if they never inherited generational wealth. You'll have to grind your way to the top and that takes a lot of time, and maybe by then you're already in your 40s before you will want to settle down and build a family.

There are two possibilities, either you need to make sure that your life partner is fine with building a life together, or you need to build a good base yourself and then end up building base yourself and then it will work great for you. In OPs case, what he suggests is the second way amd if you want to do that then its great, but make sure you do build a good life and not just have fun, it is harder to get richer when you have no responsibility at all. I hot married at 23, and it has given me a purpose in life and I can vouch that if you want to give your partner a great life then you can do that easily, all you need to do is hard work and dedication. Some thrive under this pressure, and some just crumble and fail.

Yes I will agree with you but even the financial structure is bad and if the couples characters are all in good terms then the financial structure should not be a problem to them. They can sort it out and live happily. In the real Africa way of marriage is not depending on financial structure but strength. African men married base on the capability of the woman to work either in the farm or the river to catch fish. And those men who married many wives were not for pleasure but for work. Because in those days the more wives you marry the more strength you have the in the family.

So children we born base the working strength of the family. And those who had many wives were the wealthy men in the society.

Love can wait, but living together without stable money, having nothing to spend for your wants and needs, and having nothing to pay for your bills really suck. That is why never get married when you think your finances is not ready yet, your finances is not enough, and you have no stable source of income that will consistently provide your family needs and wants. You will only build an unhealthy family.

Settling down is not a do or die, that if you won't get married early, you will never find a perfect match for you anymore. That's not the concept in marriage. Marriage is only for those who are both capable to raise a good family, by providing all the basic needs a family wants so that the kids as well will grow believing the right concept in marriage.

Sometimes many couples say that true love will always be able to survive in any situation, they say that when they have not entered into marriage or have not become a legal husband and wife, because maybe their mindset is still not open to something broader, they have not felt that weak financial strength when married is one of the factors that is big enough for separation, I think it is not uncommon for some marital relationships to end tragically with separation just because of unstable financial factors or even far from enough.

Not only having a good relationship with each other but I think in a marriage it is a fact that money has a very important role because after all that is what keeps us alive or what can fulfill our daily needs to stay alive. Basically, in any case, management is one of the most important factors in people's lives, especially in terms of finances, if they absolutely cannot change their excessive behavior towards money allocation then obviously some undesirable possibilities will always be possible. Having a good enough income that is also driven by proper management is clear as you say that it is able to further strengthen the bond between husband and wife.

I beg to differ. You mustn’t have huge money or a big stream of income to get married. It is mostly now that the world is changing that we center it around wealth. Didn’t people who did not have cars marry back in the days? I’m going too far, people who do small jobs, do they not get married and even have a happier home than most rich people? Anyways, I’ll leave that. My point is that what you need is a source of income that is able to feed and cloth you and your wife. Your wife is not going to be a dummy; she will have normal human abilities and this includes the ability to get a job or even own a business. Marriage is not something you have to do when you’ve made it. It’s supposed to be a stepping stone because you want to build a life with your partner. So, you get married, you have food to feed yourselves, you find other job opportunities or business ideas and explore it together. You must have it all figured out, you can figure it out with your wife.

If a girl would be able to see that you are a man who dont have that financial capability then for sure they would be mostly be rejecting you if ever you are really that trying out to propose or marrying her.
It does depend though since there are women who dont care about financial status but its true that having that capacity or capability would really be giving out somewhat having that assurance that he could be able to raise up his own family and could be able to give and provide on the things that they are really that assurance that they wont really be suffering in terms of living. This is why it would be always best that before you do engage to marriage then make yourself that financial prepared and stable so that it wont really be that ending up for your family to struggle.

Well, not all would really be lucky in terms of those achieving their goals or their dream job or whatsoever.This is why we cant blame out to those people who had been experiencing hardship
just because they are really that things which arent meant for us no matter how we do work hard but doesnt mean that you would just simply quit up.
For the sake of love then it would be always best that you should really be that having those plans.

Sometimes, having a stable financial set up will tend to make a married couple bond firm and stronger. They will never see problems as burdens because they are willing enough to help each other most especially when it comes to their financial concerns. And even if they have quite number of children, raising them and giving all their basic needs will never be too hard to provide because their finances are not struggling since they make sure to build a stable financial structure before settling down.

Those are the advantages of having a good financial management. They won't face money issues most especially if both the couple have their own stable source of income that tightens more their bond together.

Yeah, I agree with most of the things you have said. Some people face challenges in marriage because they failed to make a proper plan before actually getting married.

Although life happens and things might not actually go as planned all the time, the truth is that one actually needs to make some future plans and prepare themselves for any challenges that may arise. It's not possible to predict the future, but it's possible to prepare your mind and learn how to tackle challenges when they come up.

I know the situation of a man in my place; he had about eight kids but didn't have the financial stability to take care of them all, and in order to balance the equation, he had to go into different jobs just to make sure that he put food on the table and manage the affairs of the family. His wife also engages in more than one job. They both had to keep working off their asses just to be able to fend for their kids.

I believe if the couples I am talking about only had 3 or 4 kids, maybe things would have been easier for them, but they actually made the mistake of giving birth to a lot more children than they could take care of.

If you look at some countries today with overpopulation and a lot of poor people in their society, some people are also in the street doing some illegal activities. This may be as a result of some children whose parents could not actually take good care of them, so they strived on their own to survive, and because of how they suffered, they decided to become bad and do illegal things just to survive.

I am not saying that all the bad people in the street or society today became bad because of their parental upbringing. But some people actually became bad because of their parental upbringing.

There are some characteristics that should be considered before a man or woman can be seen as mature for marriage. One of them is emotional maturity, financial maturity, the attitude of the man and the woman, and other things to be considered.

If, for example, a man has only the amount of finance that is able to take care of two kids and he goes ahead to give birth to four kids, that means he will need double income in order to be able to take care of the four kids. Sometimes, people have a great problem for themselves, after which they begin to seek solutions, whereas they should have prevented it from happening in the first place.

Many people don't become financially literate until their mid twenties or even mid thirties, if they wise up to it at all. Sometimes financial freedom only comes when they stumble into a reasonable paying job, especially with all the minimum wage type work out there which can barely cover bills. It is definitely wise to become financially independent and educated, before seeking out a partner, but often these things just spring out of the blue and love hits early in life. The important thing to understand is there is always something new to learn and improve on, never get comfortable. However by the time you are deep into a relationship, even thinking about things like marriage, your finances may already be super intertwined and hard to back out.

Yes from my experience I would say if you financially strong and have already set up different stream of income then you are safe as most of the problem arises due to financial difficulties but it may look like misunderstanding or due to lack of mutual respect but if one start doing root cause analysis then they would find money to be the reason for the issue. We have made everything so difficult now and we need more money to show off and impress others as we have set expectation bar so high that we ended up compromising on our basic necessities and unfortunately I am going through that. 

Well written. This advice goes both ways. It is for genders. I have seen men who are after a woman's wealth and riches. The woman does everything- goes to work, fends for family, pays the rent, and others. Wokeness is causing and exposing these things. There's more men who don't want to work, they way to be stay -at home whatever. Avoid these people from both genders.

I do agree with this one basing up on my own life experience when it comes to marriage. I'd admit that i have entered marriage life on very young age or simply just that reached out that 20 years old
and i'd admit that i have struggled out when it comes to income making since i didnt finished college on which you would really be coming into a point into your marriage life on having that separated due to
that financial aspect. Yes, true love isnt really something that can be bought by money but the needs that you would really be needing to provide to your wife and to your soon to be children then this is something that would really be that crucial on which means that if you wont really be that putting up some focus or wont really be able to provide things such as this then expect that things would really be that messy along the way.

Good thing that i had able to land a good job on trying out my best on applying and now i had met up cryptoworld on which it  did really expand out that
opportunity to earn more. Invest and make out some business out of those profits and trying to cope up somehow. Good thing that my
wife didnt leave me in the end but it was a close call.  

What more can I say, I think that's fair and square. Better not disclose your financial situation at the early stage of courtship.
In that manner, you will know what her true intentions to you. Not because of the money or anything, but supposedly real love.
Because if that's the case, you can work on things later on. And she won't bother you about not having money at some point in your lives.
If unfortunately, you got a gold digger. Your marriage won't last long because she will show her true colors when your family starts having financial issues.

Or she'll suck you dry of every penny you have.
The best woman you can get is the one that chooses you when you have nothing. If she loves you for who you are and you both can have fun without a lot of money, respect her, because she's a rare case.
Also, beware of very ambitious women. The ones that will demand you get a better job, that will push you to your limits. Some say it's a quality, but try being in that relationship for 20 years.

My advice is, don't show your wealth to girls you meet. Don't try to show off. If you have an expensive car, get a rental, or borrow a cheaper one from a friend. If you live in a big house, don't take her home at first, try to go to her place. Watch her, how she reacts to other people, how she talks to her friends and parents. Literally one of the biggest mistakes you can do in life is to start a family with a gold digger.

I know that household affairs are very difficult and not easy to manage because there are many challenges and obstacles that a husband and wife will face.
I don't have a family yet and I still don't think about when it will be time for me to get married. Currently I am preparing a good plan in the midst of the studies I am undertaking and my focus is still there while planning the future with the thoughts I have.

A relationship will be harmonious if it is built with love. Understand each other and respect each other's shortcomings. This glimpse can be felt by young people like me in a dating relationship with a partner.
I think the success of a household is not far from attitudes like that. Being open in all areas will strengthen the survival of a household and will far from fail unless fate requires separation or divorce.

Apart from financial factors which often make marriages fail, in my opinion sex is also the most influential factor in the integrity of a marriage.
It's as if I really understand about a household even though I'm still in college. But what I am saying is the result of what I thought and observed from several real examples that happened.

You have pointed out a good thing. However, there is no place i see were the OP made mentioned of being excessively rich before going into marriage. In my understanding there is no specific age, level of finances before a person can go into marriage. All is needed is to be financial stable, in such a way that the main responsibilities are being responded to. Such things include shelter, food, electricity, water supply and other essential life needs. Once all of these are settled without stress then starting up a family will not be an issue as the basic things of life are available.