Topic: rpietila Wall Observer - the Quality TA Thread ;) - page 12. (Read 907231 times)

Always it breaks my heart when people end up in separation.
It is usually hard to find a therapist both of you can trust in, and also it requires a commitment because if there is no motivation, very little can be done. They ask in the wedding if you are willing to love him/her. If there is no will very little can be done.
If you end up in divorce (which I hope will not take place), at least it is recommended to work on yourself and not to rush to new relationship... The depression will take place at some point after divorce and that period need to be overcome so that you can better continue with the new person.
Therapists are usually just means of communication - they do not give much tips. Their job is to try to help the couple onto the same page. With us it took 3-5 times to get started, then the following 5-10 times were processing and the rest of the times it was new discoveries that popped up for further therapy which we decided not to take at the moment. Usually pariterapia has not more to do with religion than buying groceries (Bible gives rules which foods are allowed and which are not, also marriage/relationship with commitment has its roots in the Scriptures).
The academic background of the therapist we used was Master of Theology so she understood religious things and way of thinking.

Okay I guess I have nothing more to say here anymore to this topic. I wish you a good evening/night.

I read the joulusatu - Xmas Carol and according to it your wife did not apply for divorce.
In fact, you use yourself a term of separated which can mean both divorce or living in the different addresses but still married.
Therefore, I tend to think you just have a temporal bad time in your marriage and you will go through it. You said your wife keeps on ignoring you... Sounds like you have the most common problem in marriage - the communication.
Have you tried family councelling (pariterapia)? We used to have 16 session in family councelling and I have to say it helped a lot with the communication. If you want, I can give you the name and contact information of the psychotherapist I am refering to.

After tiring of my relationships with Western women, I ended up marrying a Filipina. Best thing I ever did.

(blue emphasis mine)

That's right!  Take your time!  A smart man once told me, "The twenties are for YOU to live, the thirties are for getting married."  I don't know how true that is, but as a general rule there should be no rush to get married.

I got married at 29, still am at 60.   

Marriage and finding someone you truly love is an amazing thing. It is one of the most beautiful things in this world.
However, the world we live in has become so strange and perverted, even the idea of marriage has been damaged.
Too many people rush in and get married because its what is expected. Get married, get a nice house, get a nice car and a good paying job.
Marriage has become just another possession, another thing in the material world that you are expected to attain to be happy, to show your success.
Which means too many people rush in and possibly marry the wrong person because it will make their family happy, etc.

Take your time. Meet the right person. Find someone you share a connection with.
Being around amazing people and sharing moments with them is what life is truly about.

behold i have found the 1st sign of the apocalypse

pizza eating pizza

http://illuminati.pizza/

Wholeheartedly agree with this

Lying is not the path to follow, even if it is only a white lie. It will lead you to a place where you don't trust each other and in the end to a place where you don't trust yourself.

I'm about your age Risto. I was married. Now divorced for 2 years. Marriage has it's benefits but personally I feel those benefits are mostly for the children. Which in itself is a very important factor but it also has very negative impact for children if there is a lot of visible arguments and bad energy imo.

For me personally I felt marriage was a bit like a jail. Not at all in the sense that you can't peruse other women but more on an every day basis. Nagging, trying to control each other etc. Now I feel much happier and it's like a part of me is alive again that was dead before.

Imo society puts to much weight on marriage. People should learn to love themselves before spending there lives with someone else.

Sad story, I hope you are happy, Risto.
I guess it is happiness that everybody is looking for in the world and different people discover happiness in different places.

To me personally marriage is the most important thing in life and I have compromised in many things to pursue marital happiness. And I have even been in family counselling 16 sessions to improve the communication and communication skills.
That being said, there are still many issues we do not think in the same way but still we are able to come along okay. I do not honestly think you will find some other woman better - everybody of us have our issues and struggles in life.

In my opinion, you do not need to deny yourself to life with a woman you disagree irrelevant topics such as if there is some kind of conspiracy of banks or not etc. Those issues have very little to do with my happiness. Those things can be discussed with the right circle who consists of like-minded people but in my opinion your wife doesn't need to agree on this with you but you still can love each other. Just do not criticize her if she wants to life in the society where the majority of people lives but use gentle words to her - never criticize, not even a hint of criticism just praise her for cooking meals, taking care of children, getting a promotion in the workplace, being beautiful etc whatever is suitable.  It might require some work in your personality sometimes (as you may not feel genuinely - the feelings will wake up later when you practice).
In the Bible even G-d did not tell the whole truth to Abraham in order to maintain shalom bayit. You can find it from the story of Abraham and Sarah. Sarah complained to G-d about not having a baby. She said I am so old and also my husband is so old. Then G-d asks Abraham why Sarah complains SHE is so old. There you can see G-d did not tell to Abraham the fact that Sarah complained the old age of Abraham as well. As far as I know this is the only place G-d told a white lie. It tells us for the sake of shalom bayit it is even allowed to tell such lie. A good practical example is: Your wife bakes buns but instead of putting sugar she puts salt, you just praise her how well she baked and how delicious it is.  I know, easier said than done. 

Always leave room for reconciliation. Never say never.

I remember the scene when nash couldnt quantify his feelings towards his then gf later wife in beautiful mind.. when love is involved better to cherish what you have otherwise you wont know what you lose until its gone.

Obviously you have ended up to the conclusion that it is better to live in your own bubble than in the convenient society?
Obviously you are free to do whatever you want but if I was you I would seek atonoment between you and your wife.
In my opinion, it is better to be happily married than being right in everything - like the case of a good car salesman: despite he is right in something, he has higher incentive to sell a car than argue on small things with the customer. My advice is: just let your wife live in the old paradigm if she wants to do it - you can still love her as a person, as an individual despite you do not agree on all the technical stuff (such as if you are gaslighted or not etc). Also, MD's are pretty smart in Finland - Medical school is among the hardest to get into so no stupid people graduate from there in Finland, therefore you can pretty much trust in the MD's in Finland. If they say something, they probably know it better than the patient based on scientific knowledge.



Is it a good price to pay to lose family and wife because of some crazy idea that comes into your creative mind?
Just accept your wife as she is and love her as she is.   Tell her how beautiful she is and that you miss her and love her. In that way you can win her heart.   Do it every day until the end of your life. Leaving a partner is not a good solution in my opinion.
Here is a lecture on the theme of shalom bayit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qoIKuWY5eE

Merry Christmas Sir Risto!

And a happy new year and hopefully 2017 will make our paths cross again!

Merry Christmas, Risto; Merry Christmas to all of you!
Be good, be nice!

In Bitcoin I'd say: if it doubles within a day, danger!

Thank you mr (dr?) rpietila



 Holder checking in

HODL yes definately Hodl.

You guys eating shrooms daily over there at Malla?  Sounds like quite the trip.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!!  Nice present from Bitcoin for all of us this year.

...

Risto (and the rest o' ya), I wish you a wonderful Holiday, may Hope and Love be with us all in these unusual and precarious times.

I am happy to be here among you all to observe this year to come: 2017.  It WILL be an "interesting" year no doubt.

We watch together, yes?