one day litttle johnny came running into the house and asked his mom can little girls get pregnant and she said of course not why? little johnny says oh no reason then little johnny goes back out side and yells its ok we can play that game again
sorry if anyone finds this joke innapropriate
Topic: Tell us a joke.... - page 26. (Read 35088 times)
How do you fit a 100 Jews into a car?
2 in the front seats, 3 in the back seats, 1 in the trunk and 94 in the ash tray
2 in the front seats, 3 in the back seats, 1 in the trunk and 94 in the ash tray
two guys stagger out of a bar one goes into a subway the other goes around the block the two guys meet up a few hours later the one guy asks the other other guy who went in the subway where have you been he says i don't know man but that guy has a really cool train set in his basement
A Mexican, a Jew, and a black man walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says. What is this a joke?
A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."
Hahah took a min..
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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty nine year olds?
They're old enough to be emotionally mature but young enough to still maintain a youthful physical appearance.
They're old enough to be emotionally mature but young enough to still maintain a youthful physical appearance.
There's twenty of them?
what kind of joke do you want to hear 
Paedophilic ones
.
what kind of joke do you want to hear
Q. why did homeless people vote for obama
A. because they wanted their change
A. because they wanted their change
Two whores talk:
-I bought myself a skunk, nobody can lick a pussy like that!
-Wow, really?
-Not joking, you have to try it!
-That's nice, but what about the smell?
-He puked whole week, but got used to it eventually.
-I bought myself a skunk, nobody can lick a pussy like that!
-Wow, really?
-Not joking, you have to try it!
-That's nice, but what about the smell?
-He puked whole week, but got used to it eventually.
http://books.google.com/books?id=VpBBAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA85&dq=joke+book&hl=en&sa=X&ei=a4XYUuipDYjzqwHrrYAg&ved=0CE4Q6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=joke%20book&f=false
Quote
Old Abe's Joker; or, Wit at the White House. We have christened this child of our gayest fancies and warmest hopes "Old Abe's Joker," for what could be more natural than to associate with "quips and cranks and wanton wiles" the name of one who so greatly enjoyed and successfully perpetrated the fine old, full-favored joke. The following are titles of the principal jokes contained in this book, viz.:--At it with a will--The recruit's catechism--A catarrhal poem--Scene in a pawnbroker's--Old Abe's uncle--Hard times in Arkansas--A delicate excuse--Outhucksterling a huckster--A tight squeeze--A rugged journey--Rather delicate--A. Ward on hugging--A barrister posed--A soldier's joke--Old Abe on the Congressman--Abraham's last--Hit him there--Hard on Greeley--An accountant--Never judge by appearance--A miserable man--A candid physician--A railroad story--Mrs. and Mr. Spillman--Mundane bliss--A pleasant bed-fellow--Go it while you're young--A hardware incident--A maiden speech, and several hundred others equally as good. It is without a doubt one of the best tencent joke books published. If you are morose or despondent, don't fail to send for a copy to-day, as it is better than medicine as a tonic for the system, and if you are not troubled that way it will help to keep you from becoming so. Price 10 Cents per copy, by mail, post-paid. U.S. postage stamps taken sames as cash, and quit asking if we take Bitcoin.
Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" theyre all in the pool The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years Ive spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"
What's the best thing about twenty-nine year olds?
They're old enough to be emotionally mature but young enough to still maintain a youthful physical appearance.
They're old enough to be emotionally mature but young enough to still maintain a youthful physical appearance.
slap round the face with a wet herring
Looks like my last joke won. What did I win?
~TMIBTCITW
~TMIBTCITW
"Girlfriend, why don't you ask your dad if you could have that one bitcoin he owns so that you can buy a car, then we can curse the strip and pick up boys?"
"Dad, can I have that one bitcoin you own so that I can buy a car?"
"Sure, but you'll have to give me a blowjob first."
"Dad, that's disgusting!"
"Did you ask your dad for that bitcoin?"
"Yes, but he insisted on me giving him a blowjob first, thus I refused."
"Give him the blowjob, then you'll get the bitcoin to buy a car so that we can pick up guys and give them blowjobs."
"Dad, I'm here to give you that blowjob for your bitcoin."
"Great!"
"Dad, your dick tastes like shit!"
"I have some other bad news for you, princess. Your brother now has the private key."
"Dad, can I have that one bitcoin you own so that I can buy a car?"
"Sure, but you'll have to give me a blowjob first."
"Dad, that's disgusting!"
"Did you ask your dad for that bitcoin?"
"Yes, but he insisted on me giving him a blowjob first, thus I refused."
"Give him the blowjob, then you'll get the bitcoin to buy a car so that we can pick up guys and give them blowjobs."
"Dad, I'm here to give you that blowjob for your bitcoin."
"Great!"
"Dad, your dick tastes like shit!"
"I have some other bad news for you, princess. Your brother now has the private key."
One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, "Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen."
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you."
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Good one never heard of it before ;DD
Weird thought:
With more computing power than the world's top supercomputers combined (Bitcoin network over 1 PETA hash/second now!), and growing stronger by the second, when will Bitcoin become sentient (self-aware) and enslave mankind?
And will that mean 2 mBit hookers on every street corner??
With more computing power than the world's top supercomputers combined (Bitcoin network over 1 PETA hash/second now!), and growing stronger by the second, when will Bitcoin become sentient (self-aware) and enslave mankind?
And will that mean 2 mBit hookers on every street corner??
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for...
'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for...
What do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your tv is floating? You take your pistol and shoot just under the tv. Then call the cops that you just shot a black man trying to steal your tv 
"Dad, it worked, just like you said. I flapped my wings like a chicken just like you you did, and we both landed in this house without a scratch. Now what?"
"Grab the TV!"
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