Topic: Tell us a joke.... - page 20. (Read 35088 times)
So two guys are walking down the street, one of them is going to become a millionaire in 10 years and the other one also owns bitcoins
I wanted to buy btc because I think it is a great innovation
alien its joke 
It´s raining men!
what about this
MtGox Is Best
MtGox Is Best
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!"
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground.
Watch." He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're really an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."
The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.
The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!"
The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground.
Watch." He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.
The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.
The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all. SPLAT!
The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're really an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."
There are 2 boys and the center go away... 
There once was a boy named "Mark."
People made fun of him because of his weight, so he decided to erect an odd gravestone for when he finally dies.
Now, when people pass by the burial site, they'll point and say, "Nice balls!"
People made fun of him because of his weight, so he decided to erect an odd gravestone for when he finally dies.
Now, when people pass by the burial site, they'll point and say, "Nice balls!"
There once was a boy named "Odd."
People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
A guy walks into a bar. The second guy ducks.
A duck walks into a bar, orders drinks for the whole house. The bartender asks how he's going to pay for it. "Put it on my bill", he says.
M
A duck walks into a bar, orders drinks for the whole house. The bartender asks how he's going to pay for it. "Put it on my bill", he says.
M
wat?
I don't get it
A guy walks into a bar. The second guy ducks.
---
A duck walks into a bar, orders drinks for the whole house. The bartender asks how he's going to pay for it. "Put it on my bill", he says.
M
---
A duck walks into a bar, orders drinks for the whole house. The bartender asks how he's going to pay for it. "Put it on my bill", he says.
M
So I'm on omegle and the conversation goes something like this
Me: my dad died on 9/11
Stranger: oh, I feel sory for you
Me: He gave me a call from the plane, I'll never forget his last words..
Stranger: What were they?
Me: allahu akbar
Stranger has disconnected
Me: my dad died on 9/11
Stranger: oh, I feel sory for you
Me: He gave me a call from the plane, I'll never forget his last words..
Stranger: What were they?
Me: allahu akbar
Stranger has disconnected
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
An Irishman goes to a building site for his first day of work, and a couple of Englishmen think, "Ah, we'll have some fun with him!" So they walk up and say, "Hey, Paddy, as you're new here make sure you know a joist from a girder..." "Ah, sure, I knows" says Paddy, "twas Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust."
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
An Irishman goes to a building site for his first day of work, and a couple of Englishmen think, "Ah, we'll have some fun with him!" So they walk up and say, "Hey, Paddy, as you're new here make sure you know a joist from a girder..." "Ah, sure, I knows" says Paddy, "twas Joyce wrote Ulysses and Goethe wrote Faust."
There's the one about economists, and efficient market theory:
Two economists are walking down the street when ones sees a hundred dollar bill and points it out to his friend. "Is that a $100 bill lying in the gutter?"
"No" his friend replies "If it were a $100 bill, someone would have picked it up already"
So they walk on by
I've read it in Naked Economics
Two economists are walking down the street when ones sees a hundred dollar bill and points it out to his friend. "Is that a $100 bill lying in the gutter?"
"No" his friend replies "If it were a $100 bill, someone would have picked it up already"
So they walk on by
I've read it in Naked Economics
Q: Why was the skeleton so lonely?
A: Because he don't got no body.
LOL...I kill me...
A: Because he don't got no body.
LOL...I kill me...
Here is another one:
A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife.
"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
This one is really funny.
One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys.
If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys.
If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman.
"John, what happened?" Tony asks. "I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to.
The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have sex."
Everybody got it?
Nice one. Actually funny unlike most others in this thread.A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman.
"John, what happened?" Tony asks. "I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to.
The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have sex."
Everybody got it?
So funny
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