Topic: Tell us a joke.... - page 23. (Read 35088 times)
Today is Sunday...
I read through the whole post and didn't laugh once 
#Disappointed
#Disappointed
A Baker was baking two muffins in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and said: "Boy, is it hot in here or what?!"
The other one relied: "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
One muffin turns to the other and said: "Boy, is it hot in here or what?!"
The other one relied: "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
q. what time does bob marley go to sleep
a. at 4:20 am
a. at 4:20 am
Bob Marley is planning on sleeping this coming Easter?
q. what time does bob marley go to sleep
a. at 4:20 am
a. at 4:20 am
Why do you people always make jokes about blacks?
When Jesus was about to die, he turned to his black friend and said "Don't do anything until I get back."
but how blacks didn't do anything?
they were slaves, they worked a lot o.O
The CIA has three candidates, two men and a woman, for one assassin position.
On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances," he explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man is horrified, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!"
"Well," says the proctor, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
The CIA proctor leads the second male candidate to another large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances," the proctor explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man steadies himself, takes the gun and enters the room. After three quiet minutes, the man exits the room with tears in his eyes. "I wanted to do it -- I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
Finally, the CIA proctor leads the female candidate to yet another large steel door and hands her a gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman takes the gun, enters the room, and before the door even closes completely behind her, she's fired off six shots. Then all hell breaks loose behind the door -- cursing, screaming, crashing. Suddenly, all goes quiet.
The door opens slowly, the woman exits, and wiping the sweat from her brow, she says, "Did you guys know the gun was loaded with blanks? I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
On the final day of testing, the CIA proctor leads the first male candidate to a large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, regardless of the circumstances," he explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The man is horrified, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!"
"Well," says the proctor, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
The CIA proctor leads the second male candidate to another large steel door and hands him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances," the proctor explains. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man steadies himself, takes the gun and enters the room. After three quiet minutes, the man exits the room with tears in his eyes. "I wanted to do it -- I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
Finally, the CIA proctor leads the female candidate to yet another large steel door and hands her a gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him."
The woman takes the gun, enters the room, and before the door even closes completely behind her, she's fired off six shots. Then all hell breaks loose behind the door -- cursing, screaming, crashing. Suddenly, all goes quiet.
The door opens slowly, the woman exits, and wiping the sweat from her brow, she says, "Did you guys know the gun was loaded with blanks? I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
Why do you people always make jokes about blacks?
When Jesus was about to die, he turned to his black friend and said "Don't do anything until I get back."
Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath.
Mahatma Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Mahatma Gandhi was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation. They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.
"I'm an engineer" says American, "So I'll handle building a shelter". He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks, why don't you handle the cooking?" The Frenchman agrees, and the American turns to the Japanese man "That leaves you to organize the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets about his tasks.
A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have done. They expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island, but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies. The American comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I kind of went to town and did the place up" The teams are amazed and are shown inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of delicious food.
The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots to work with" he says, "This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."
The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires about the Japanese man. "Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the American, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been seen since." They all agree that they should find the man, and a search party is organised. They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with peacock feathers sticking out of his arse and shouts: "SUPPLIES!!"
"I'm an engineer" says American, "So I'll handle building a shelter". He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks, why don't you handle the cooking?" The Frenchman agrees, and the American turns to the Japanese man "That leaves you to organize the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets about his tasks.
A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have done. They expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island, but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies. The American comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I kind of went to town and did the place up" The teams are amazed and are shown inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of delicious food.
The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots to work with" he says, "This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."
The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires about the Japanese man. "Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the American, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been seen since." They all agree that they should find the man, and a search party is organised. They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with peacock feathers sticking out of his arse and shouts: "SUPPLIES!!"
A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation. They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.
"I'm an engineer" says American, "So I'll handle building a shelter". He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks, why don't you handle the cooking?" The Frenchman agrees, and the American turns to the Japanese man "That leaves you to organize the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets about his tasks.
A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have done. They expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island, but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies. The American comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I kind of went to town and did the place up" The teams are amazed and are shown inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of delicious food.
The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots to work with" he says, "This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."
The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires about the Japanese man. "Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the American, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been seen since." They all agree that they should find the man, and a search party is organised. They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with peacock feathers sticking out of his arse and shouts: "SUPPLIES!!"
"I'm an engineer" says American, "So I'll handle building a shelter". He turns to the Frenchman and says: "You French are pretty good cooks, why don't you handle the cooking?" The Frenchman agrees, and the American turns to the Japanese man "That leaves you to organize the supplies" he says. The Japanese man agrees and each man sets about his tasks.
A year passes, and the sociologists return to see how the men have done. They expect to find three desperate men, unhappy with having to live on the island, but instead find a huge wooden house with verandas and porches and balconies. The American comes to greet them, and when they express their surprise about the house he just shrugs and says "Yeah well I had a lot of raw materials so I kind of went to town and did the place up" The teams are amazed and are shown inside to the kitchen where they're greeted with the most amazing smell of delicious food.
The Frenchman sees their surprise and just shrugs "I had lots to work with" he says, "This island has loads of edible herbs and plants."
The team sits down to eat and are about to start when one of them inquires about the Japanese man. "Oh we don't know what happened to him" explains the American, he ran off into the woods to sort out the supplies and hasn't been seen since." They all agree that they should find the man, and a search party is organised. They make it about 100 yards into the woods, when the Japanese man jumps out from behind a tree, stark naked with peacock feathers sticking out of his arse and shouts: "SUPPLIES!!"
What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor.
"Can you make me one with everything?'
"Can you make me one with everything?'
"What do you mean we don't come equipped with reverse?"
What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot dog vendor.
"Can you make me one with everything?'
"Can you make me one with everything?'
Bitcoin become mainstream :
- Hello, a double-cheese-burger.
- 0.00242694883 BTC please.
- ?? ?? ?? ?
I think they would say
2.4 milibitcoins
or they would talk in Satoshis
Bitcoin become mainstream :
- Hello, a double-cheese-burger.
- 0.00242694883 BTC please.
- ?? ?? ?? ?
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this is a good one (no offense)
There's a black guy a Mexican guy a Asian guy and a white guy on a plane the captain says were too heavy please throw out any extra items you may have
the Mexican guy says we have a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of beans the Asian guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of rice the black guy says we got of these in my country and throws out some grits the white guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out the Mexican guy.
lol sorry for the racism
There's a black guy a Mexican guy a Asian guy and a white guy on a plane the captain says were too heavy please throw out any extra items you may have
the Mexican guy says we have a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of beans the Asian guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of rice the black guy says we got of these in my country and throws out some grits the white guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out the Mexican guy.
lol sorry for the racism
Racial humour is ok, but the jokes have to actually be funny - the ones in here aren't. Bottom of the barrel stuff.
See this. And you should probably change white guy to white American, because otherwise it's even more unfunny.
A family is having breakfast and the older daughter goes:
- It's time I told everybody, I'm lesbian.
Younger daughter:
- Yeah, me too.
Father:
Do you mean to tell me no one in the family likes good old dick?
Son:
Why, I do, Dad.
- It's time I told everybody, I'm lesbian.
Younger daughter:
- Yeah, me too.
Father:
Do you mean to tell me no one in the family likes good old dick?
Son:
Why, I do, Dad.
Two atoms are flying along at breakneck speed, not paying attention to where they are going... when *WHAM*! They collide.
One says to the other, "Hey, are you okay?"
"Yeah, how about you?"
"I think I lost an electron."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
M
One says to the other, "Hey, are you okay?"
"Yeah, how about you?"
"I think I lost an electron."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive."
M
this is a good one (no offense)
There's a black guy a Mexican guy a Asian guy and a white guy on a plane the captain says were too heavy please throw out any extra items you may have
the Mexican guy says we have a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of beans the Asian guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of rice the black guy says we got of these in my country and throws out some grits the white guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out the Mexican guy.
lol sorry for the racism
There's a black guy a Mexican guy a Asian guy and a white guy on a plane the captain says were too heavy please throw out any extra items you may have
the Mexican guy says we have a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of beans the Asian guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out a bag of rice the black guy says we got of these in my country and throws out some grits the white guy says we got a lot of these in my country and throws out the Mexican guy.
lol sorry for the racism
...and throws out the Mexican guy, whereupon Captain Hilariousandco said, "Now, that's funny!"
Full disclosure: My brother-in-law, Martin Basurto is a spic, my niece had a baby due to fucking her nigger boyfriend, and I have a couple cousins who are queers. BTW, my lugan dad, oftentimes referring to himself as a fuckin' DP, had no love for useless Polacks.
This reminds me, I can't wait to see my bowling ball nephew this weekend so that I can fatten him up some more so that he reaches regulation weight by spring league season, having already position his nose and eye sockets for a nice grip and smooth release.
What's a ghost's favourite Queen song?
Booooohemian Rhapsody.
Booooohemian Rhapsody.
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